Lost

Chapter 46

I do not know what is the worst at this thing. Harry being here or my brothers being here. My eyes go to Joss, who seems to be totally occupied with staring. Looking back to the three guys at my door, it is clear that my brothers know who he is somehow. Which makes the situation not the slightest bit better. Actually, it is getting worse here.

I run my hand through my hair, fist it and walk over to the door. “Luc and Dan, could you please move and let me to him?”

“To him? Shit you will do” Luc says and shoots me a death glare.

I swallow. This is going to be tough. “I do not want this to be more awkward and difficult than it already is. So please let me just talk to him, whatever it is he wants here.”

Couldn’t be something good when he comes here.

Harry watches me for a second, then his eyes turn to my brothers. “Hey.”

My brothers turn to him and I hold my breath. Oh please, please, if there is this very special god, let him help my brothers. Please, do not let Harry hurt them.

Harry walks straight into Luces’ face and narrows his eyes. “She’s your sister, right? I’ll tell you something. You weren’t there, when she got hurt, you weren’t there through bullshit. You got me?”

“You were the one causing the fuck” Danyon growls angrily. Nice, now Dan interjects as well.

“Oh, damn right you are” Harry hisses “but I never said I’m anyone to her. I am shit to her and anybody else and Beach-Boy, I am fucking sure, she couldn’t mean less to me just like anybody else does. So don’t fuck with me when you don’t do shit to help her.”

Harry Styles, giving my brother hell with words. That is a very, very interesting thing, to be honest.

Luc crosses his arms and looks straight into Harry’s eyes. “Well, you don’t care for anybody, as I take it. So why try to give me hell? I tried to be there for here and I at least do care. Unlike you, just as you said. You don’t give a fucking damn about anybody but yourself, do you? So, leave this house right now, because we are better off without you.”

In Harry’s face changes something from violent and aggressive to hurt and painful. He seems to stop moving at all as if he need to face a truth he tried to hide and can not do something else then making sure he gets the hurting truth right. His green eyes, my personal hell, changes into my personal nightmare. In them is a burning, a fire, which is not there because of anger or lust. It is more like he inside falling apart, destroyed by his own inferno.

Oh my god. Luces did hurt Harry!

“Fuck you” Harry says and turns on his heels to leave.

He did not hurt my brothers but they have hurt him. I should be lucky. I wonder why I am not.

I blink and walk over to the door, where my brothers stop my.

“You stay here” Danyon says and watches me closely.

I shake my head. “Let. Me. Go.”

Joanna seems totally displeased as well and shocked, but stays silent.

The second I notice Luc is distracted my Joanna, I make a move to get down and run under his arm. My feet carry me right after Harry and I get him right before he reaches his car. I take his wrist and stop him, getting an hurt an aggressive look the second he sees me.

“What the fuck do you want?” he questions and I swallow at his tone.

Ok I need to calm down. Everything is fine! “You’re not ok, are you?”

He stares at me and I see the muscle in his jaw tense. His fists are big, the knuckles show up in a plain white at the surface. Those green eyes are getting darker again, my death. But somehow the pain in them remains. I feel sorry for him.

“What do you want?”

“To know what it is that you want” I say and watch him.

He shakes his head. “I don’t need your pity, Angeleyna. I don’t want you to care. You don’t mean shit to me, didn’t you get that?”

“You say I don’t give a shit about you, but you can’t know that.” What makes me say that?

He narrows his eyes. “So you want to tell me, the asshole that I am got to your little heart and made the angel in you want to caress me and then heel me?”

This is what he thinks I am? And angel? “I am not an angel.”

His eyes search mine and right then and there, he seems to soften and looses all his stupid anger. “There’s nothing closer to heaven for me than you.”

My eyes widen in deepest shock and wonder and as he realizes what he just said he shakes his head, the dark side coming up one again. He closes himself, shoves me away. There is a bright side, he just knows how to cover it. He does not like his good side.

Why is that?

“Harry..” I say and look at him with pain.

He gets away from me and opens his car. “Leave me the fuck alone, Angeleyna. You don’t really care about me, that’s how it is. And I don’t care, really. I said we might get along and I try here badly to do so. Let’s not cross the line and make it worse again.”

His words hurt me in a very new way and I do not know how he gets to push all my buttons. I feel the tears of sorrow when the little anger I have shows up as well.

“Don’t just say that and then leave me” I say.

“I’m not leaving” he says and gets into the car “because I was never with you.”

How comes this hurts? I do not know why this hurts.

“Why did you call Zayn?” I ask him because I want to know why he had been nice to me. When he does not care, why did he then call Zayn to get me?

He shrugs as if that were nothing to him. “I wonder about that myself.”

“And why did you come here in the first place?” I want to know.

And again he shrugs careless. “Maybe I needed to get rid of my anger somehow.”

“I don’t believe you” I say and want to make him say the truth this way, but all he does is take the car door, close the car and open the window, before he takes on glasses and then turns his head to look at me for what seems the last time.

“You don’t have to. Now you better leave it before I lose it” he says through clenched teeth.

Right then and there I watch him leave me standing on the pavement all alone, confused by his odd behavior. I thought we were making progress here but we obviously can’t. We seem to be not in the honor of moving on or getting any better in this.. relationship?

I have no idea why it hurts me that he lies to me, that he won’t tell me the truth and that he really does not care. Or that he says I would not care. It obviously is wrong because it seems I do care.

A lot more than I should, indeed.

And while I watch the car pull around the corner, I know he is not going to look back at me while I cannot take my eyes from him leaving me.