embrace the tornado

house of God

today, i sat in a church pew

and watched an elderly priest hobble up the aisle

mutter the words to an outdated hymnal

and make the sign of the cross

unenthusiastically

he looked numb

like he had no soul to save

i wondered if he enjoyed his life anymore

or when the passion had died

or if he just wanted to die already

i watched a little girl in the pew in front of me

stumble and bang her knee on the floor

saltwater pooling in her eyes

as she began to whimper, then wail

calling out for daddy

her older brother, maybe thirteen

scooped her up with a knowing, sad smile

as if he had a thousand times

and quietly petted her hair

until the oceans in her eyes became deserts

i watched the woman a few aisles over

as her lips moved to the words of the responsorial

and her voice rung out

smoldering and thundering

brimming with conviction

over the ears of the churchgoers

but her eyes were dead.

she felt nothing towards the song

i wondered if she had felt in a long time

if the ritual of it was a comfort

to pretend like she still believed in anything at all

i watched handsome young man gentle nudge his wife

when the elderly priest called all mothers to stand

she shook her head slightly, hair falling over her face

but he insisted

and her frail shoulders rattled when she ascended

and tentatively joined the ranks

there was no child in sight.

just glances of pity tossed her way

i wondered who or what had taken

such a beautiful woman

and obliterated her entire world

i watched myself move

clasp at hands amiably

when they called for the sign of peace

i am a hypocrite i think.

because i am as miserable as these people

whose demons come out to play in the house of God

today, i sat in a church pew

and learned nothing about religion

but instead i sat

and learned everything about humanity