In a Perfect World

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

            Ever since our date, Damien and I spent as much time as we could together; for the past two weeks whenever I wasn’t in class, at home with Hayley, or studying, I was with Damien.  It felt as if nothing happened at all.  But with every second I spent with him, the less I wanted to tell him about Hayley and the more I wanted our relationship to be just the way it was.  He was the only thing that was constant and unchanging from my old life, the life I still, at times, longed for. 

            My seventeenth birthday was a few days ago and Damien insisted on taking me out for my birthday, but I decided to spend the day with my family, so tonight he’s taking me out to dinner in celebration.  Since my parents and Jess were leaving for the weekend to see my grandma, they volunteered to take Hayley with them since she had never met her great-grandmother.  It was the first time, since Hayley was born, that I was home alone and it felt strangely lonely.  Before I got pregnant, every time I had the house to myself, Damien always came over.  I never asked him to come over; it was an unspoken invitation, and I knew today would be no different, regardless of the rules my parents set.

            I woke up this morning and went through my morning routine.  I took a shower, had breakfast and then fed Hayley.  Hayley’s life had become predictable with feedings, changings, and sleeping; I always set an alarm to wake up before she woke up for the day to get ready.  Somewhere around ten, Jessica and my parents woke up.  While they got ready, I packed an overnight bag for Hayley, dressed her in nice clothes, and moved the car seat from my car to my dad’s.  At noon, we said bye and then they all left, leaving me with the house all to myself. 

            I wandered into Hayley’s room and tidied it up a little, but when I finished, a sudden wave of sadness washed over me.  I felt so out of place, it was the first time I was going to be apart from Hayley for more than a school day, and just the thought of it made me sad.  Sure I missed the freedom I once had, but my life had become a tight fixed schedule and not having anything to do felt weird. 

            In an attempt to rejoin the world and take advantage of the free time, I called Ella and we went out for lunch, got waxed and pampered and then went shopping for a dress for me to wear tonight.  And after four exhausting hours of shopping, Ella and I went to get coffee.  We settled all of our bags around us on the patio of a little cafe. 

            “So Britt, I think we over did it,” Ella states, looking in disbelief at the countless bags surrounding us.  The multi-colored paper and plastic bags held a few pairs of shoes, numerous tops and dresses, as well as some lingerie pieces. 

            “Well, it has been a long time since we’ve been out shopping, I think this is just the right amount of clothing we would’ve bought if I was here during summer break."  I surveyed the bags around us and thought about how much time we used to spend shopping together.  It was hardly anything near our usual back-to-school shopping, but it came pretty darn close to it.  

            “Just about,” she replied, nodding in agreement.

            We sipped our lattes in silence, both tired, listening to other shoppers past us.  Ella seemed to be completely out of it, her eyes glazed over, staring out and looking at nothing in particular.  Leaning back in my chair, I tried to remember the last time I spent four hours with someone who could actually talk to me and wasn't related to me.  When I was in Atlanta with Austin and Callie, I didn't really realize how much I longed for human contact, other than with my family.  Sure I called Ella often when I was gone, but we didn't have to luxury of being on the phone for too long because Hayley would need something and I would have to hang up.