In a Perfect World

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

            It took a lot of begging, but after almost an hour I convinced my mom to let Damien come over and stay the night.  The night of course came with strings attached, but they would be easy to maneuver through as Damien and I probably wouldn’t have crossed any lines.  The night was for Hayley so she could see her mommy and daddy together.  I was excited to finally have Damien around for the night so he could be around if Hayley woke up in the middle of the night, which she was doing less and less.  But I was also anxious to really sit down with Damien and talk about what was really going on between us because his affirmation that we were in fact dating wasn’t really enough.  Damien and I were more than just dating, we had a daughter together and we needed to discuss our plans for the future. 

            Our future was constantly nagging my brain, but there was never a good time to bring it up with Damien since he was just getting used to having a daughter.  However, the more and more I thought about our daunting future, I began to realize it was time for me to stop worrying about Damien and worry about the three of us as a family.  And after talking to my mom, she reminded me that it was time to talk about the coming years, years that we were sure to be spending together. 

            When we got back to Damien’s house we began putting all the furniture together in an emptied out guest room a few doors down from Damien’s room, but after a while Damien took over and I sat back with Hayley sleeping in my arms.  Damien worked quietly and when he was close to finished, I laid Hayley on the carpet floor and began pulling sheets onto the small mattress for her crib.  Hayley was still asleep when we finished assembling everything in the still close to empty room, but Damien and I just looked around the room contently. 

            “Do you want to go back to your place?” Damien whispered, sitting down cross-legged besides Hayley. 

            I nodded silently and he scooped Hayley up from the floor.  When we got down to the first floor, Damien scribbled a note to his parents and we left, taking separate cars.  As I drove to my house, my nerves grew more and more.  My nerves were different from the nerves I had earlier in the day when I left Hayley with Damien alone for the first time.  I wasn’t doubtful of the events that would unfold tonight, I was anxious to see where Damien and I stood.  I was anxious to feel the energy between us after taking such a long break away from each other because of course, I couldn’t stop overthinking everything.  I couldn’t just live in the moment, not anymore, I still relished in the comfort I felt in Damien’s embrace, but I needed to think about my future and what Damien was planning on doing for college.  We needed to plan differently for our future, a future that we would have together for the next eighteen years. 

            Later that night, after I spent the day with Damien and Hayley playing around the house, Damien and I had dinner with Hayley and my family and then we got Hayley ready for bed.  I taught Damien how to give Hayley a bath, which he was oddly awkward about, but I guess he had never given anyone a bath before.  Once Hayley was bathed and dried off, I watched from the sidelines as Damien dressed her and tucked her away in her crib.  As Damien and I kissed her goodnight, I watched as her delicate eyelids fluttered shut over her jade green eyes. 

            I watched Hayley for a few moments, after Damien retreated into my room, before placing a gentle kiss on top of Hayley’s head before going into the bathroom to take a long and relaxing shower. 

            As I stepped out of the steam filled shower, I felt my stomach flip.  It was finally time for me to sit down and talk to him about our plans.  Throughout the rest of the day, seeing Damien with Hayley, watching him care for her and worry about her when she began crying and fussing, helped calm me down.  I could see so much love on Damien’s face when he looked at Hayley gave me reassurance that he would be in Hayley’s life.  But I needed to be sure.