In a Perfect World

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

            228.  Two-hundred and twenty-eight day since I left home. I spent a few weeks trying to convince myself to get an abortion when I first found out I was pregnant, but I couldn't.  As much as I wanted my future to stay the same, I couldn't end a life because I refused to see a different life for myself; I wasn't that selfish.  But I was different now.  I returned with a renewed sense of determination and things were just shy of completely perfect. 

            The day I left for my brother, Austin's house, I was about four months pregnant with Hayley.  I left for Atlanta on a flight right after the last day of my sophomore year and stayed with Austin and his fiancée Callie.  I spent the summer taking classes I needed for graduation online and when the school year started I studied hard and took extra homeschooling classes so that I could have a light course load when I got back.  Taking care of my daughter while taking a rigorous homeschool schedule was a challenge, but I was driven.  I knew what I wanted.  I didn't want to be that pathetic teen mom who dropped out of school, I wanted to stay on the track to being a successful woman, and I would only be more impressive now. 

            It was seven AM and Hayley was just about to wake up. I'd been awake since Hayley's last feeding, sitting in the living room, watching television, and contemplating whether or not I really wanted to go back to school.  Even though I was excited to see my best friend, I was still unsure about how people would react to my return.  I didn't only leave my best friend behind when I left; I also left a group of my friends and Damien without a single explanation.  I said goodbye to my other friends and broke up with Damien, but I was sure they were all searching for a reason for my abrupt departure.  And I wanted to tell them.  I wasn't ashamed anymore.  I wasn't fat anymore, so no one could judge me, but I didn't want to tell my friends anything until I told Damien about Hayley. 

            My sister, Jessica, who was a year older than me, woke up half an hour earlier and joined me on the couch.  She and I have always been close since we were only a little over a year apart.  We did everything together from the time I could walk and even though we only saw each other a few times when I was gone, we were still just as close as we were before I left.  After we finished watching an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" we started talking about me going back to school because she could tell that I was still hesitant. 

            "You know Brittany; you shouldn't care what people think, just go to school today and act like you left because you were feeling overwhelmed."  Over and over, my family told me I shouldn't care what people think, but it wasn't that easy.  I was a teenager and teenagers worried what other people think of me on a daily basis, whether it was how I dressed or who I was dating, everyone was watching me and judging me.  The fact that I was a teenager was why I left, my peers were harsh. 

            "Jess," I sighed, fixing my gaze on the baby monitor on the coffee table in front of me and anticipating Hayley's cries.  "I don't really care what people think anymore, I'm just afraid of running into Damien or something.  Like, I know I have to tell Damien, but I just want one normal, stress-free day before I tell people."

            "It'll be okay, Britt.  You'll only be at school for the first three classes anyway; you won't have that much time to socialize with people.  As for Damien, I get that you want everything to be back to normal, but the fact is, Damien is Hayley's dad and you have to tell him." 

            "I guess, but I don't want him to freak out at school," I told her, hugging my knees tightly.  Telling Damien was the most nerve-wracking event in my near future.  Sometimes I wished I just told Damien about Hayley when I was still pregnant, but he held a tough stance on pregnancy, which is why telling him was going to be hard.  Sometimes, I wished I held the same courage and strength I had now and took a leap of faith in hoping he would be okay with having a baby.  A four month old daughter was pretty big news to throw at a teenager and now Damien had no choice.