Defining Love

Chapter 3 - Part 1

Henri

College: Freshman year

My life had done a complete one-eighty ever since I'd moved in with Gemma. During that time, there'd been some intense ups and downs. But through it all, Edi had been there for me and was now the closest person to me in my life. She was the one person whom I could share anything with, and though we weren't actually related, she'd become a sister to me. I shared everything. Everything except what had become my biggest fear.

That she, too, would abandon me someday.

I didn't even know how deep that fear ran until she told me she'd accepted a volleyball scholarship to Michigan State clear across the country. I nearly lost it. I was able to cover it up by rushing out of the room and pretending I was sick to my stomach for other reasons, but I lost sleep and cried until I'd finally pass out each night for weeks. So when she suggested I apply at Michigan, too, and that her parents were even helping her get an off-campus apartment that I could share with her, I was ecstatic.

I got in, and the whole time we made plans and talked about our college life, I was in heaven. Not only was she taking me with her, but we'd be living together for at least four years. It was the relief I didn't even realize my heart had been praying for, for so long. For at least the next four years, I wouldn't have to live with the fear of her leaving me like everyone else I'd ever cared about. It was a dream come true, and at first things were perfect.

Then things took a very unexpected turn. The first time it happened we were drunk. We'd gone to a few crazy frat parties and, though we'd been thoroughly warned by some of Edi's older teammates about how crazy these parties could get, it was still a shock.

We'd both agreed that while we'd be taking school very seriously and behaving responsibly we were still going to enjoy our college years. So we participated in the drinking games and let loose. At one point, we ended up kissing each other on a dare when we were stupid drunk. While it did feel a bit confusing, especially because while we both chalked it off as crazy college fun, some of the foggy memories of that night were a bit alarming. Like how even back at our apartment when we were no longer putting on a show for the guys at the party, I had a faint memory of kissing Edi again. Neither one of us had talked about it the next day or any day later, but we'd both agreed to slow down the partying.

It had been over a month since the party where we kissed, and Edi mentioned another party happening around the block.

"You ready to go out again?" she asked a few nights prior as we ate dinner together. "Maybe this time we don't play any drinking games. Just go and hang out."

That sounded good to me. I could use a night out. "Yeah, I think I'm ready. But I like your idea about no drinking games this time. It's why I got wasted so fast."

We also agreed to not staying out so late, especially since Edi had practice the next morning. Friday night we got ready and laughed when we saw we were dressed almost the same: leggings, boots, and similar sweaters only different colors.

We got to the party and drank slowly, sipping our beers. Like at the previous parties, some of Edi's friends from the team were there again. It wasn't until then that I noticed her friend Astrid was never at any of these parties, yet Edi still often mentioned hanging out with her after practices. I was glad about that, since obviously I still wasn't completely over being paranoid about Edi replacing me in her life.

After several beers, I was beginning to feel a little buzzed but nothing like the last time. We ran into and hung out with Doug and Jeremy, a couple of guys we'd met at one of the previous parties. They kept bringing us beers. I told myself at least it was just beer, but I was still beginning to feel the buzz.