Until Then

Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Quinn

Something isn't right. I wake up with a sharp pain in my stomach that pulls me from a dream and throws me into the daylight. I get out of bed slowly, unable to make big moves without excruciating pain. It takes me ten minutes to get to the kitchen where I pour myself a tall glass of ice water and try to drink it down. Yesterday was too much. I'd been on my feet all day and then had completely crashed when we lost Joseph.

Drinking the water doesn't help. I decide to take some Motrin and head back to bed. I don't feel like eating and all I can think of is how nice it will feel to be in my bed again. By the time I get there I'm sweating. I feel nauseous and think maybe I'm going to throw up. I head to the bathroom instead of the comfort of my king sized bed, barely making it before I throw up. My body is wrenching and the pain is searing, sharp and hot beneath my ribs.

When I finally quit vomiting, I try to clean up and get myself safely back to bed. I notice my urine is still too dark. I can't blame dehydration this time because even at my most dehydrated, my urine has never looked like this. I stare down at it, the nurse inside me knowing nothing good is going to come of this natural warning from my body. I'm sick. I just don't know exactly what it is that's making me feel this way.

I make it back to my bed and pull the covers up over my shoulders. I try not to think about all the things I've seen that cause a change in your urine and severe stomach pain. Just before I fall back to sleep, I come to the conclusion that this is most likely pancreatitis. I don't fit the profile, I'm not a drinker at all, but maybe it's just a weird way for my body to show me I'm pushing it too hard.

I can't have been asleep for longer than twenty minutes when the urge to get to the bathroom has me running from the bed. It doesn't matter that my abdomen still hurts, I need to get to the toilet before I'm sick right where I am. The pain is now almost unbearable. When I'm sure there's nothing left to exit my body, I shuffle back to my bed, slide my finger across the screen and reach out for some help.

I've been on my own for a while now. It's hard to know that I have no one that's worried about me. I don't have any family I can call or even any really close friends. But what I do have is a small group of nurses that know what it's like to work our crazy hours and how common it is for people in our profession to put off getting any medical attention since that would require us to become the patient. I know I much prefer being the caregiver.

"Hello," Letty's voice is rough with sleep and I instantly feel bad for waking her.

"Letty..." The pain is acute and makes it hard for me to take a full breath. "I think I'm really sick. I'm sorry. I don't have anyone else I can call."

"It's okay, Quinn. What do you need? What do you think is wrong?"

"Maybe pancreatitis. I'm not sure. It's just really painful and my urine doesn't look right. Can you give me a ride to the ER?" I hate that I'm asking her to go back to work on her day off, but she doesn't hesitate.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." I feel like crying. I'm scared and hurting, unsure of how long this will keep me from going back to work. I hate telling the kids I'm going to be there a certain day and then letting them down. Hopefully the doctor can give me something to help with the pain and get this under control.

"I know you do. That's what friends are for. See you soon."

We hang up the phone and I feel the sharp pierce of another ache in my abdomen. I try to get to the bathroom as quickly as I can, all the time wondering if I'm even going to be able to walk out to her car when she gets here.