Until Then

Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Quinn

It's quiet in the children's wing tonight. It's as if everyone could tell that peace was needed for the parents sitting vigil by Joseph's bed. The lights have been turned down for the night and the few nurses that are working are sitting with me behind the nurses' station. We're supposed to go on with our tasks and treat today like any other, but it simply isn't possible when the little boy who had lit this floor up with his bubbly disposition and energetic display of Hulk-like antics is taking his last breaths just feet away from us.

"His heart rate is dropping." Letty watches the display, giving us updates when his status changes.

"Shouldn't be long now," I say, looking over to his room door. Sherry and Ross have had it closed for the last hour. We don't dare go inside. They know we're out here and if they want our assistance, they would open the door and invited us in, just like they had each day he was here before he stopped opening his eyes.

I push my chair back and stand up in the small space. "I'm going to check on Kelsey." I know she's probably asleep already, but I can't sit down and wait. I need to keep myself busy. That pain in my back screams at me and I groan, noting on the large clock that it's just about time for another dose of Motrin.

"Your back still bothering you?" Letty asks, clicking the small spout open on her water bottle.

"Yes. I think I must have pulled something. I can't seem to kick it." I never take sick days. I know I can make it to tomorrow and rest for the two days I'm off the schedule. I'll just curl up on my couch with a heating pad and one of the books I've wanted to read.

I push open Kelsey's door and step inside. Her parents can't stay with her at night because they live too far away to make the trip to work from the hospital in the morning. They come after they get off and sit with her for hours each evening, but once traffic has lightened up, the say their goodbyes and head back home. I know Kelsey understands why they have to leave, but sometimes she gets lonely and has trouble falling asleep.

"Quinn?" Her young voice is rough with sleep.

"It's me," I answer walking to her side. "Do you need anything?"

"Yes. Can I please have some water?" Her skinny arms rest at her side. Her hair is growing back now, beautiful blonde curls only four inches long.

"Sure. I'll go get pitcher. You look a little cold. Would you like another blanket?" I pick up an old pudding cup and toss it into the trash.

"My mom left me my quilt." She points to the chair in the corner and I can see a stack of coloring books on top of a pretty pink blanket. I move quickly, setting aside the books so I can unfold the blanket.

"This is very pretty. Did someone make it for you?" I shake it out and set it over her small body.

"My grandma," she says with a warm smile. "She makes them for all the grandbabies. These little squares are made from my grandpa's shirts after he died. I can only remember him in the this one." She points to a tiny scrap of blue fabric. It looks warn and stands out against the bright pink background of the quilt.

"How long has he been gone?" I run my finger over the squares.

"Four years. I was only five when he died. I've seen pictures of him in the other ones, but I only remember the blue shirt. I think it might have been his favorite. He wore it to take me to school my first day of kindergarten."

"You have an excellent memory if you can remember that day out of all the others." I tuck the blanket around her feet. She turns her head and looks out her door as if she sees something there. In the quiet, I can hear the giggles of children playing.

"I only remember it because I was so nervous I threw up on it." She giggles softly, her attention still at the open door. We weren't told anyone new was coming to the floor and visiting hours were finished much earlier. Maybe a child came in through the ER and is staying overnight.

"Eww," I scrunch up my noise and laugh.

Her tired eyes turn back to mine. "He didn't mind. He just held my hand until I calmed down and then he must have taken it off before he got into his car."

"Sounds like he was a good grandpa." I tell her.

"He was."

"I'll be right back with your water. Try to get some sleep." I tap her nose lightly with my finger. Out of the corner of my eye I see two little figures pass her door. They are running and giggling and I move quickly out to the hallway to tell them the no-running rule. For very sad reasons, running usually isn't something we have to tell kids not to do.

I look to the left first and I can see that Joseph's door is still shut. The hallway is empty except for another nurse, Alice, who is writing something down at the counter. Then I look right and find that way empty too. The floor is quiet again so I head back to the nurses' station to get the scoop on the new kids.

Letty is crying, trying hard to catch her tears with a tissue before they run down her cheek. I hear the alarm going off, alerting us that someone's breathing and heart has stopped. I don't see the other nurse Maria, but the pediatrician on call is slowly jogging towards Joseph's room. He won't do anything to save him because his parents signed the Do Not Resuscitate order.

I cover my mouth with my hand, afraid the sobs will break free if I move it for even a minute. When the doctor opens his door, I quickly spot Ross holding Sherry in his arms and know that my little friend has finally fell into the most peaceful of sleeps. Tonight I'll have to say goodbye to two of the most loving parents I've ever met, so they can go home and start night number one of their lives without the little boy who'd been the sun at the center of their universe.

In the chaos of the moment, I could swear I heard my name being called, but when I turn there is nobody there.

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