It's such a shame that we play strangers (Jalex) [on hold]

Chapter 5

Alex's POV

  I don't know why I told Jack I wanted to talk to him. I guess I just want to clear the air. I don''t think I can handle hating him much longer since we've been seeing each other more often since summer started than we've seen each other at school. IT would be easier to get over the bridge then to both stand on opposite sides and wait. I don't know when we'll talk, but I know it will happen. I have to let out every emotion I've been holding back since the day we broke up. He needs to know how I felt and still partly feel. Things ended in a horrible way and I don't think I can continue hating him. I don't even thing I hate him. I just feel betrayed and he needs to know that.
__

  Once I collected myself I left andrew's house and went home. I haven't gone home in a few days because my parents have been busy packing because we're actually moving into our new house either tomorrow or the day after. When I got home my parents were sitting in the living room putting things into boxes. I said a quick hello and went to my room where I was greeted by a stack of boxes and papers for when I decided to start packing. It's kind of surreal that we're finally leaving this place for a place that will feel more like a home. This place has been home for years, but it isn't really a home if that makes any sense. This place has so many problems and I can honestly say I won't miss much. Almost everyone in the building is rude and angry all the time so I won't miss them at all. There's only one neighbor that I actually like and that's old man Jefferson. He lived on the first floor. He was in his eighties and smoked more than a chimney. He was the one that got me my first pack of good quality cigarettes. At night when I go out for a smoke after my parents have gone to bed I sit outside and talk with him. We talk about his life and what he did when he was my age. Heran away from home and fifteen and traveled the world. He married at thirty and had five children. They lived in New York for a while before they traveled to England. His wife died in a fatal car crash at age fifty-five. She was a lovely woman from what he told me. Five years after her death he remarried. They were married for a few years before they got divorced so he could continue to travel. He took his two youngest children with him on his travels and his oldest children stayed in america and wanted nothing to do with him. When he turned seventy he settled doww here in Baltimore. His oldest children don;t speak to him anymore. He said that he thinks they're mad that he remarried after their mother passed. He hasn't spoken a word to them in nearly thirty years. He doesn't even know where they are or how they're doing. His two youngest children call him on his birthday and on holidays. I love to hear about the conversations he's had with them. His youngest daughter tries to visit him whenever she can, which is usually once a year. Even though it isn't often it always brings a smile to his face. Just by looking at him you would probably assume he was just a grumpy old man that hated everyone, but he is far from that. He's an exciting old man with so many stories to share and I've been fortunate to hear those stories. I'll miss my late night chats with him, but I'm sure that I'll see him again. It's not like I'm moving out of state. Just across town.
___

  After sitting on my ass doing nothing for almost an hour, I got to work ontaking down my posters and putting them into a cardboard tube. Once all my posters were safely packed away I started packing up the things I had on my desk and shelves. It didn't really take long for me to pack up a few boxes since I don't care if anything breaks. After about an hour of packing, I decided I deserved a break. I laid down on my  bed and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had two texts. The first one was from Jamie, asking if I was still coming over to his house tonight. I sent a quick reply saying that I wouldn't be over since I had to finish packing. The second text was from Jack.

From Jack: When do you want to talk?
Me: Can you meet me at the park tomorrow around four?
From Jack: Sure

  I put my phone back in my pocket and left my room. My mom was in the kitchen making dinner and my dad was still packing up boxes. I took a seat at the table and looked around the room. All our pictures were taken off the walls and you could actually see how horrible the walls looked. There were cracks and patched up holes and the paint was chipping in some places. These walls looked like something from a horror movie when people go to an abandoned house to explore and end up being butchered.

"Dinner will be ready soon," My mom called from the kitchen.

  During dinner my parents talked about how wonderful the new house is and how I'm going to love my new room. I pretended to pay attention by nodding and making a noise every now and then, but my mind was elsewhere. I finished eating and threw my paper plate into the trash. I said goodnight to my parents and went to my room. I opened my laptop and put in a random cd and got to work on pack. Three CD's later I was finished packing and it was close to midnight. The moving truck should be here around eight in the morning to take our boxes. So I have about seven hours to sleep. I snuggled up in my bed and let sleep take over.   I woke up to the sound of my parents talking to the movers. I guess now would be a good time to get up instead of waiting for them to barge into my room and take my things. I pulled myself out of bed and looked around the room. Normally I would be greeted by multiple posters of my favorite bands, but they were all packed up. My walls looked weird without them. This doesn't look like my room anymore, but I guess it isn't my room anymore. I'm leaving here and I'm not coming back to the apartment again. Some other family is going to move in and someone else is going to sleep in this room. Some other family is going to be living in this house. It could be an old couple or a young family starting off I na new town or a young couple that just got married. Someone else is going to live here and their memories are going to cover up mine.

"Alex honey are you awake?' My mom asked through the door.
"Yeah I'm up," I called back.
"Okay, get dressed I got those muffins you like they're in the kitchen."
"Thanks mom."

  I pulled myself out of bed and pulled on my dark grey skinny jeans and an old Blink-182 shirt. I tossed my dirty clothes into a box and sealed it. I made my way to the kitchen with my backpack full of the things I didn't want packed and my shoes. The muffins were in a bag sitting on the counter just like my mom said. I pulled on my shoes and grabbed one of the muffins before leaving. I said a quick hello to my mom and left for Jamie's house. It was a round twenty to thirty minutes after eight. I know for a fact Jamie won't be awake, but I didn't want to stay home and he lived closer. I made my way to the back of his house and climbed on top of the shed and to the tree outside his window. I reached out a knocked on the glass and waited for him to wake up. After about five minutes of me knocking nonstop the window opened, revealing a very tired and annoyed Jamie.

"What are you doing here so early?" He asked, moving out of the way so I could climb inside.
"The movers are clearing out my room and I didn't really want to stick around, " I said as I climbed through the window.
"can I go back to sleep?"
"If I can too."

  Jamie rolled his eyes and climbed back into his bed and made room for me. I kicked off my shoes and laid down next to him. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and start to snore. After a while, I got used to the sound of his snorign and fell asleep.
____

  Several hours and half a pack of cigarettes later I was at the part waiting for Jack to show up. I got there a bit early so I just took a seat on one of the swings and waited. It didn't take long  for the lanky boy so show up and sit on the swing beside me. We sat in silence for a while, neither of us really wanting to be the first to speak up. He was twisting the chains of the swing and moving around. I just stared at my feet and swung back and forth.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked, finally breaking the silence.
"I have a lot of bottled of feelings I need to share with you about what happened between us. And I feel like if I let them out we can both move on," I replied, looking over at him.

  He simply nodded and waited for me to continue.

"I want to know why it happened. Was I not good enough?" I asked, looking down at the ground.
"Of course you were good enough Alex," he said barely above a whisper.
"Then why did you do it Jack?"
"I don't know."
"Don't give me that crap. It's been a year just be honest with me for god's sake," I snapped.
"I guess I didn't know what I wanted so I thought I could get away with having it all."
"You have to be the biggest idiot in the world to think you could have gotten away with having it all Jack. You didn't even think about who you would end up hurting did you You not only hurt me, but you also hurt Lillian. She was a nice girl and you fucked her up and then fucked me up. I really did care about you Jack, but you were too selfish to realize that."

  He stared at the ground and kept his mouth shut. He knew I wasn't done talking.

~flashback~

  I feel nothing but pure bliss. After being with Jack for almost two yeah I finally felt ready to give myself to him. I love him with all of my heart and I'm glad my first time was with him. He makes me feel whole and I'm so happy. I admit it wasn't exactly how I imagined it would be, but it doesn't matter. Jack and I laid together for a while before Rian came in and told him that his friend Lillian needed to speak to him. It took me a while to get my clothes on and go downstairs to find him. I was greeted by a few of our friends as I walked down the stairs. I'm sure the smile on my face was massive and I'm pretty sure I was glowing with happiness. I walked around the party, looking for Jack a few people said they saw him walk outside to talk to Lillian Mertz. I walked through the house and outside to see Him standing on the back porch with her. She was sobbing and he looked horrified. I opened the door and stepped out onto the porch, Rian, Zack and Jamie followed behind me. We stood to the side and waited until they finished talk. They didn't notice us so it won't be weird.

"How could this happen Lil? We made sure we were safe," Jack said, looking at the upset girl.
"I don't know Jack. I really don't know," she said, letting more tears fall.
"What are we going to do? We're so fucked," he sighed, running his hands through his hair.
"I don't know I'm scared Jack," she sobbed.
"Are you going to keep it?"
"My parents will kill me if they find out."
"Then what do you want to do?" He asked with a sigh.
"Abortion seems like the only option. I'm scared to get one though," she said, letting more tears fall.
"It's my fault you're in this situation so I'll take you to the clinic and stay with you."

  Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Every happy feeling I had rushed out of me and was replaced with anger and sadness. I didn't need to hear their whole conversation to understand what they were talking about. Jack cheated on me with one of our good friends and he got her pregnant. Tears started to form in my eyes as I watched them hug each other and make the plan to go to the clinic this week.

"Jack?" I asked, walking towards him.
"Oh hey Lex," he said, pulling away from Lillian.
"Is it true?"
"What?"
"You and Lillian?' I asked, letting the tears I was fighting back fall.

  All emotion fell from his face and he looked to the ground in shame. That was the only answer I needed. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Jack would cheat on me, I couldn't believe it. I love him with all my heart and he obviously didn't if he chose to sleep with someone else. I rubbed my eyes and walked towards him. He looked up from the ground and I slapped him hard across the face.

"You disgust me," I said as more tears trailed down my face.

  He hit the ground pretty hard. I stepped over him and walked to the back gate. He tried calling out to me, but I just tuned him out and went home. When I got home I locked myself in my room and cried all night. I tore apart all the pictures we took together, all the letters he wrote me and the stupid mix tapes with our favorite songs he made. The following day I called and told him to meet me at the park. I had a box with me filled with the torn up pictures, letters, drawings and all the other stuff he gave me over the past two years. When he showed up and shoved the box into his hands.

"I never want to speak to you again," I said while fighting back tears.
"Alex I'm sorry, please hear me out it was a mistake" he pleaded.
"No Jack I don't want any excuses I don't want anything to do with you."

  Before he had the chance to respond, I spit in his face and left.
~End flashback~

"That party was the worst night of my life. Do you know how dirty i felt? I gave myself to you and then that big secret was thrown in my face in front of everyone of our friends. You had the nerve to try to apologize and make excuses instead of telling me the truth. You lied to me Jack. After I gave you all your things, I went home I cried for days. I trusted you with every fiber of my being and you were lying to my face. It was humiliating to find out that your fucking boyfriend is cheating on you with a girl and then finding out he knocked her up!" I was shouting at him now and fighting back tears that wanted to fall.
"All I can do is apologize Alex. I fucked up. Actually I did more than fuck up. I really did love you and I wish I hadn't slept with Lillian and I wish I hadn't lied, but I can't take it back. I can't do anything about it now."
"How long were you cheating on me?"
"Alex come on it was a year ago."
"How long Jack?"
"A little over a month," he whispered.
"You lied for over a month? When you told me you loved me that night did you even mean it?" I asked, looking at him.
"Of course I meant it."
"If you really loved me you wouldn't have felt the need to cheat on me Jack."
"Lillian and I were a drunken mistake that went on to be something more. There was no real emotion between us it was just sex," he explained.
"Why did it continue? Was it because I wasn't ready to have sex yet so you had to find somebody else until I put out?" I asked, letting a few tears fall.
"I don't know why it continued Alex. I really don't."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was an idiot that was too selfish to tell the truth."
"that's true. You were a selfish idiot."
___

  We talked for about an hour. I let everything out and he listened. I had so many unspoken feelings about what happened and it felt good to finally let them out. When I had finished talking I felt so much better. I didn't feel the same bitterness I felt for him anymore. I think I've finally let it go. After a year of hatinf him, I finally let it go. I shared my feelings and now I feel better than I felt before. I didn't want to slap him or spit at him. By the time we finished talking it was already six thirty. Jack offered to take me home and I gladly accepted.
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A/N
BAM! You now know Jack's big secret that broke him and Alex up. I wrote thise whoel chapter and my computer randomly restarted and deleted it all. Thankfully I remembered most of what I had wrote and you now have this. I'm happy with this and I hope you will be too. Since this is a long chapter I won't promise to update soon because I never do. I won't be able to work on new chapter this weekend since I'm going to a friends house.