Zodiac Signs

Spooky Horoscopes

(and other bad advice)

Aries: Light candles. Burn bridges and pumpkin scented candles with the same match. Burn all the rotten residue. Enjoy life without the hecklers.

Taurus: When you trick-or-treat, they will say you are too old. You have always been too old. You are old as the earth and it creaks in your bones

Gemini: Bitter black brew. It is the deadliest poison. Drink, drink until you're sick, until your eyes are sunken in your skull. Add sugar and cream first.

Cancer: You can't keep yourself in the same closet as your skeletons. Unless you are a skeleton. If so, sort the bones. Find a better place to bury them.

Leo: Jump in a pile of leaves. Take a moment to sink under the pile, in peace. Sink, sink deeper and darker. Let the ground take you. Make friends there.

Virgo: What's better than an over-sized sweater? Bury yourself in knit cable sweaters. Keep knitting. Build yourself a cave of comfort. Don't build a way out.

Libra: Double-cross the monster under your bed. Buy bunk beds. Tuck them in at night. Everything's a monster with bags under its eyes.

Scorpio: Bite your tongue. Drink the blood. Go see a doctor. Tear the stitches out and redo them yourself. What, weren't you going to do that anyway?

Sagittarius: You can't apologize for the beast the full moon made of you. But the one you became during the crescent moon did some fucked up shit bro.

Capricorn: Take down your hair, take off your glasses, shed your skin, go deep into the woods, lurk in the dark. It's time there was a monster to fear.

Aquarius: Cold, cold hands. Blue and veined. kiss mysterious girls and average men in doorways. What happens to them after is not of your concern.

Pisces: Some flowers only bloom in the winter. Wreath yourself in frost, breathe mist into the air. They never told you ghosts haunt themselves first.

Idefk what this chapter is. 

Have a safe Halloween! Even though it's September... And it's in a month... HAVE A SAFE ONE!