letters to you

journey begins

"they said to write your feelings, so that's exactly what i'm doing. writing about everything i'm terrified to tell to your face. my body is empty all the time now, the happiness you see day by day isn't real. my friends can't tell anymore, when they ask i say those simple two words—i'm fine—in reality everyone knows when people say those words they're dying inside. but they know i don't want to talk about it, so they keep quiet."

my tears stained the notebook, but i continued writing on.

"people hurt me all the time, they leave, give up on me, or just move on like i was never in their life. i know for a fact i'm not perfect or extraordinary, but i just wish someone would stay just for once. everyone i've ever loved has moved on from me, from the memories."

breathing heavily with tears clouding my vision, i still continued scribbling on the faded paper in front of me.

"you're mine and only mine, but i guess not huh? heart break: most painful hurt there is, i've experienced it too many god damn times to count—but i remember every single one. you've moved on, you're happy with her, i should be happy though right? right?.. it hurts you know, to see the person you loved the most be happy with someone else. i'll move on from this, hopefully, but it just hurts right now—and it's okay. i just can't wait for that day when i can say "i've moved on, and i'm happy." just done with all this hurt all the time. tired of crying over the same damn thing all the time, just want to say. i knew this wouldn't last forever but i wish it would've lasted longer than this."
 
                                        love alyssa