Finding Forever

Chapter 5

I was elated after that day. I wasn't with Susan, but I didn't care. I was happy to have the chance to be intimate with her, even if it was just for one day. So imagine my surprise when she tells me she wants to do it again. I practically jumped to her house. This time things were different though. We got to her bed and took our clothes off, and she handed me a condom. At this moment, I'm wishing I paid a little more attention in sex ed. I looked like a complete idiot trying to put it on, having never done so in my 22 years of life. I tried, perhaps quicker than I should have, to put it on, because I'm sure she was getting bored as I was fumbling with it. I did finally get it on, but things did not necessarily get better. Nobody told me sex was such a skill. I don't think I was ever fully in her, but this was both of our first times, so I think we both gave each other some leeway. It was weird, but at the same time it wasn't. We were both comfortable around each other, which I guess is all anyone can ask for. I knew what I was doing fingering her, so I think I was able to make her orgasm from that. She later told me she had never had an orgasm, so didn't know what one felt like.

Maybe more so than our first time together, I wanted this moment to last forever. All good things must come to an end though. I never saw her again after that. We still text, but I don't know if our friendship will last.

I want to meet the girl I end up marrying. I want it to be Susan. I desperately want it to be her. My friends tell me "You're still young. You have your whole life ahead of you to meet the girl of your dreams." They're right, but circumstance keeps pushing Susan and I together. I'm probably reading too much into nothing. I know, in the back of my mind, Susan is not the girl I'm supposed to be with. But I want her to be. God do I want her to be.