Markjin One-shots

Five Walls- Wall #1

Denial

   Jinyoung.

 
  My teeth clashed together, showing even the smallest sign of my anger. Mark stood not even five feet away from me, his back facing the place where I was standing, and that angered me. For ten minutes straight I had tried every method possible to get his attention but to no valid, it was really an impossible mission,"Mark hyung!" I tried gently, lightly poking his shoulder with my index finger. He didn't even flinch at the touch. So I did it again, and again, and again, nothing.

My anger got the best of me, making me scream,"Mark hyung you can't just sit here whining all day! It's like im talking to a wall! For the past two weeks I've been trying to help you but you won't even let me in! What's the point? Huh?" Nothing, Mark didn't move an inch. Not that I had expected much, but you can't help feeling disappointed when you hope for it to happen. Taking a deep breath of my good friend oxygen I move forward with my second approach, and carefully wrap my arms around his lean frame, I held the position for four minutes straight. Nothing.

Just as I was about to pull away I felt Mark's body tilt slightly towards me, a sign,"He's alive!" I sarcastically whispered in his ear, surprised when Mark's body started to shake. The sound of his familiar giggle filled the air,"It doesn't make sense Jinyoung." The calm and collected voice shocked me,"Mark?" I gulped when I felt his head nod by the crook of my neck,"What doesn't make sense?" My voice strained itself. Mark shifted in my arms till he had turned all the way around, his eyes finally looking at my own,"Life Jinyoung, life doesn't make sense." The truth in that statement spread worry through me,"That's because it's not suppose to."

Mark gave me a look of pure sadness,"Mark hyung, I promise you can get through this." My thumb rubbed small circles into his lower arm, he loved when people did that,"No Jinyoung I can't. It doesn't even hurt! I'm scared! It doesn't hurt because they aren't gone Jinyoung! They can't be gone." The grown up Mark I was used to fell apart in front of me. His hands gripping onto my arms so tightly I was almost worried he would stop the blood flow. The way his hair dropped to the left side of his face made him look even more childish for some reason.

Skin on skin contact warmed up my body as if a heavy blanket had been thrown on me, making Mark noticeable press himself more against me in what looked like an attempt at gaining comfort. Was he always this fragile? I was never good at reading emotions or talking in general, and Mark of all people understood that.

  "Make it go away." Mark whimpered, I stared at the wall in shock. How am I suppose to do that?" I-I don't know how." I answered honestly, a small chuckle escaped his lips,"Always so honest. Just, stay with me." The hurt in his voice made me hold him tighter,"Don't worry Mark, I'll never leave you."

Two days later

  Grunting I clicked the mouse on one more link. The last two days were cuddling and crying summed up in two words. Mark just wasn't getting anywhere in his 'healing process'. So I took it upon myself. Sending Mark to go take a bath, after much convincing and saying "I can't join you okay?" He had finally agreed. Which lead to me quickly going on to his computer and googling "how to help someone who has lost a loved one?". Around 50 different pages popped up, and after checking 49 of them (maybe not really sure) I had collected no valuable information. Each website said the same thing. "Just be there." What do you think I've been doing?!

Just as I was about to click on a page titled "the 5 stages of loss" I heard a small voice shouting my name from the bath room,"Jinyoung I'm done! Jinyoung! Jinyoung! Jinyoung I'm.......done." Quickly exiting the tab I had been in I turned off the computer and ran to the bathroom door. I knocked lightly,"Hey Mark its Jinyoung, can you please unlock the door for me?" My voice was almost a whisper, the fear of speaking too loud ate at me,"Jinyoungie?" A click of the door being unlocked was followed by Mark's face appearing out of the small space between the door and the wall. As soon as he saw me the door opened fully and there in all its glory stood a naked Mark.

Trying not to show my shock and embarrassment I grabbed the nearest towel and handed it to him, along with boxers and a particularly big shirt. Mark took the pile looking confused,"Could you help me? I can't do it." He mumbled, though it didn't matter, I could hear a penny drop in the dead silent room,"Well of course." I replied hopefully in a kind voice. I didn't know Mark could act so helpless! Was he not raised to dress himself? Stupid Jinyoung your friend is in pain and what are you doing, calling him helpless when you are the one usually needing help. Pull yourself together!

Placing my hands on both sides of the boxers I squatted for second so Mark could place his legs into the boxers before pulling them up to his waist and sighing in relief when his area was finally covered. After that I took my shirt from his hands gently, telling Mark quietly to raise his hands, I slipped it over his head and pulled it down to cover his torso. I made sure the shirt was a little big so it would fit comfortable and was satisfied when I saw how loosely it hung on him,"All done?" Mark whispered,"What about pants?" I gave him an amused look,"Why would you put pants on at 11 pm? It's bed time silly!"

"Oh.......sorry." I heard a small whimper escape from Mark's lips and engulfed him into my arms faster than I thought possible,"Oh Mark, please don't cry I promise you everything is okay." I felt him nod against my chest,"She isn't gone Jinyoung. I'm going to wake up any second and she will be right there!" Not knowing how to respond my arms lowered themselves to Mark's waist and under his inner thighs. I lifted him up,"Wrap your legs around my waist." I ordered gently.

    Obeying quickly Mark wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. As I started to move towards the bedroom door Mark's head shot out of its place on my neck before looking around wildly,"Where are we going? I wanted to- cuddle." A hiccup interrupted him when he spoke, it was quite cute,"We are going to get some blankets, some junk food, and some candy."

"Why is that?" Mark asked with a confused look on his face. Tapping his nose with my index finger I smiled,"Because we are going to watch a movie. Together." Mark nodded silently, placing his head back into its place at my neck,"What movie is it?" I opened the storage room we had in the hallway and took out the biggest, fluffiest blanket Mark owned along with two body pillows(from Mark's room),"You just have to wait and see."

    Walking into his living room I placed them on the couch to the best of my ability with a grown man clinging on to my upper body, though I'm to blame for that,"Mark you need to get down so I can get the food." I told him while leaning him towards the couch, Mark shook his head and hugged me tighter,"Why can't I stay while you get the food?" Seeing no reason why he can't I just went along with it and brought Mark with me to his kitchen.

  Of course the last time Mark went shopping was five months ago so I had taken it upon myself to do the monthly shopping. Mark's apartment had basically become our apartment, though neither of us had brought it up. I even slept here. Back on topic, opening cupboards I grabbed every piece of junk food I laid eyes on. Chips, candy, anything that screamed calories. During all of this Mark was as quiet as a mouse, still clinging to my body. Not that I really minded.

Heading back to the living room I placed the junk food on the table in the middle of the rug and sat down on the couch. Reaching around Koala Mark I grabbed the tv remote and pressed the power button. Once the screen had flickered on I pressed the play button since I had prepared the movie beforehand and cuddled into Mark, making sure he could still see the screen from our position. I heard a grunt of disbelief when the movie started playing,"Are you kidding me Park Jinyoung?! Bambi?!" I just smiled.