Markjin One-shots

Suicide Note

This is the prologue for a short story im working on :) (maybe)

Also lots of mentions of suicide and sadness so WARNING

Jinyoung

Pure white entered my vision,  I quickly closed my eyes to let them adjust. Slowly opening them again I was greeted with, nothing. The white color stretched for what felt like forever. I reached out a hand, stepping forward. Where am I? My foot fell into some sort of ditch and I tumbled forward with a yelp. Landing on the pale surface I scrambled to my feet as fast as possible. I searched behind me for some sort of hole I stumbled on, but there was nothing. No ground I could spot. Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion I faced the opposite direction, a black object quickly caught my attention in the pure white abyss,"A letter?" My voice came out harsh, as if I hadn't spoken in days. Placed in front of me was what seemed to be a letter, neatly situated on the floor. Only then was I completely aware of the silence around me. I had never heard total silence, it was unsettling.

Shaking the thought off I grasped the letter, turning it over to tear it open. My hand froze in place. The letter was already open, ripped at the top. Pushing the suspicion aside I pulled out lined paper, folded to fit in the envelope. Unfolding it I felt goosebumps spread over my skin. The handwriting was strikingly familiar. It was mine. Why had I written a letter? Why was it here now? Maybe reading the words would answer my questions. I instantly began my search for answers.

  Dear, ----

My head tilted at the scratched out name. Why had it been scratched out? Why couldn't I remember who it was?

    This letter I wrote to you for one reason, to remind you of a few things. The first one is, that it is not your fault. You did nothing but support me and try to help me in everything I did and I thank you for that. So me leaving was a tuff decision because you made me want to stay. I will miss you so much. The second thing is that I have left you my belongings, you can do with them what you wish. Please keep them, you know I loved living with you. For the short time I did. This letter is all over the place, anyways, the third thing is that I want you to move on. Don't let me hold you back from finding someone who is mentally stable, who can promise you forever. I want you to be happy, please be happy. And the final thing is that....I have to go, for personal reasons that have nothing to do with you. And I love you, I love you I love you I love you. Don't forget that ----

      Goodbye,
          --------

   My breath hitched, I loved someone. I left them, how could I leave them? They meant so much to me and I can't even remember them. I shut my eyes in anger, hands gripping my hair. Letting out a cry I frustratedly threw the letter to the ground, tears flowing down my cheeks. And then suddenly my mind went blank.

Why am I sad? I touched my face blindly. Why am I crying? Did something happen to me? Why can't I open my eyes? "Why can't I open my eyes?" I gasped as the words left me. It took strength, speaking never took strength before. But what had I been doing, to be so sad? I tried to remember, to search for an answer, but all I found was white. I had been in a white room. Where am I now? Still in a white room? What had I done in the white room? Pain suddenly appeared in my leg, and it clicked. I had fallen. Where had I fallen from? Why did I fall? Did I fall on something? Questions racked my mind until it was all I could hear. Question after question, my ears feeling as if they were going to burst. It had been so quiet before, why isn't it quiet anymore? "Why isn't it quiet?" I asked myself, but I couldn't hear it. I knew I had said the words, I just couldn't hear them. The questions were to loud. I wanted them to be quiet, I needed them to be quiet. "Quiet...quiet...I need quiet." I began to feel invisible walls closing around me, trapping me with my thoughts. "No, no! Quiet!" 'Where am I?' 'Am I alone?' 'Can I leave?' "Quiet! BE QUIET!" I screamed out, and I heard it. I heard my voice. No longer harsh, but scared and fragile. And the voices stopped, one by one. Until one question was left. "Am I dead?" My eyes flung open. The white I was used to was gone, replaced by multiple colors and items. The were so vaguely familiar. I stepped forward and the sound of wood creaking echoed through the room. That sound, I had heard it before. Many times. Turning in place I spotted walls, a couch, lights, paintings, pictures- I paused, and a table. It was a dark oak, but how did I know? I'd never seen it before, or had I? Though it wasn't the table that struck me, it was the envelope placed on it.  I went to grab it, but the sound of footsteps made me draw away. I quickly searched for a place to hide. This wasn't my house, what will the owner do when they find me in their home? One could only imagine. Making a desperate escape to behind the couch I placed my back to the fabric as voices entered the room.