A Junkie's Journey

Four

Constants. He had to think about the constants. There were constants in his life, things that had stayed the same throughout every relationship, every thought, and maybe even every day. Thinking about constants was overwhelming; it was one of the things Tristan avoided. It was time to sit back and remember past relationships with friends and partners.

Colton was a friend. He'd been a friend since sixth grade. Colton introduced Tristan to bad people in middle school, and ever since then, both of them hadn't been doing so well. They don't really talk anymore – it was one of those relationships where they didn't really talk until Tristan was back in town. Tristan used to buy Adderall from Colton, but he stopped asking for it due to Colton's suicide attempt. Colton had been depressed since around seventh grade. However, before his recent suicide attempt, he wrote in an online journal, stating something like, "My old best friend [meaning Tristan] is only using me for drugs."

Tristan had a cousin he really liked – Morgan. She was sent away to a boarding school around the beginning of the 2015 school year, and she got out after the school year was over. Before she was sent away, Morgan was out of control. When she was visiting one time, she told Tristan that she drank at least a 44 oz cup from a gas station full of whiskey a day, and after she drank it, she was still conscious. She just couldn't move. She had also tried meth, she smoked weed every day, and her drug of choice was Xanax. She was rarely home, but when she was, she was violent and angry. One time, she punched her mom, and another time, she made a hole in a wall with a chair.

Their families were together for a weekend at their other grandparents' house for a yearly golf scramble. When the families got together, there was always a lot of alcohol. Tristan's dad brought some rum and left it sitting on the kitchen counter the night before the families were going to play golf.

Tristan went to take a shower in his grandparents' room. When he had the bathroom door locked behind him, he searched every cabinet in the room for pills, but he found none. After he showered, he left the bathroom and saw pill bottles on a nightstand.

Clonazepam. 1mg. Fuck, Tristan hadn't had benzos for months. He hurriedly poured some of the pills from the bottle into his hand and left the bedroom.

He went into the bedroom he was sharing with his sister and Morgan, and asked Morgan if she would go smoke a cigarette with him. When they were outside, Tristan told her he took some Klonopin. When he reached in his pocket, he pulled out 5 pills. Since there weren't many in the bottle to begin with, Tristan felt anxiety begin to wash over him. He was going to get caught, his parents were going to kill him, why why why did he take the pills.

Morgan was going to help Tristan return two of the pills. She was going to distract their grandfather and grab Tristan's "forgotten" face wash while Tristan put the pills back. After they finished their cigarettes, they went inside; the plan was put into action.

They walked into the bedroom, both of them jumping a little when their grandfather came out of the bathroom. He said he was going to bed; when he told them, Morgan turned back to look at Tristan, apologizing with her eyes. She did all she could do to help, but they both knew that Tristan wouldn't be able to return any pills.

Hushed words in Tristan's head told him to enjoy himself since he was going to get caught. Might as well go out with a bang, right? When Morgan and Tristan were back inside their room, Tristan's sister was on the top bunk, trying to sleep.

"Morgan," Tristan whispered. "Hey, Morgan. I'm going to go snort a Klonopin. I'll be right back."

She sighed and shook her head in a disapproving manner, but she knew she couldn't stop him.