A Junkie's Journey

Seven

Feeling virtually nothing was most likely one of Tristan's biggest problems. He wanted to feel something other than anger, so he turned to pills; however, the pills were probably the reason his days blurred together in his head.

Another one of his biggest problems was that the pills he snorted on a daily basis were now for maintenance, since they had stopped giving him any noticeable "high" a long time ago.

Tristan fell in love with Focalin almost two years ago after he swallowed the first capsule. The first tablet was mind-blowing - he still sometimes sat back and wondered if normal people didn't need stimulants to focus on things like school or areas of interest.

Although Focalin had always been the main subject, Ambien had always been the runner-up. A few months ago, Tristan convinced his grandmother to put seven tablets of Ambien in a weekly pill organizer so she didn't need to enter the safe nightly. He made fake tablets with pieces of paper, replaced the seven Ambien in the container with the fake tablets, and usually took them all in a span of two days. Tristan only stopped because he was caught for it, but during that time, he didn't care for Focalin at all.

Recently, Tristan's mental state had radically fallen apart. He relied on Focalin during the day to control his anger, then using Ambien at night in order to escape his life until he could sleep. He was sick of the pathetic sob sessions he had every night - crying didn't accomplish anything, crying was pitiful, crying was feeling sorry for yourself. Crying was necessary, crying was an outlet, crying was an easy way to express sadness.

He felt alone. His boyfriend of a year was seemingly losing interest in Tristan, and it was painful that he couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. Tristan had been misdirecting his anger at his boyfriend which was probably the reason why they were going to go separate ways soon. He couldn't fix their relationship, but there was one plus to them breaking up: Tristan was be alone, and once he was left alone, he could finally do what he had wanted to do for a while - isolate himself completely.

Tristan would finally be able to become nothing.

o