Hearts Out

29th of September 2016.

Do I ever cross your mind? I wonder everytime you crosses mine.

I saw you a few days ago.. or should I say, I saw someone who look exactly like you. I really thought it was you.. but then, I might just imagine its you and it might be a completely different person. I wish it was you though, because atleast I saw your painfully beautiful face again.

I cannot help but to think of you whenever I'm sad. I think you're the only one who can save me from destroying myself further. I feel like crying right now, because I know you won't say anything to me eventhough you know how depressed I am.

It was tempting to text you whenever I saw you online.. but I could never have the courage to text you. I used to have it. The courage, I mean. But I changed to be someone who is afraid of so many things. I can't even go out of my room whenever we have a guest over without feeling so anxious that I start to shake. I wonder where my courage went to because I'm not as courageous as I used to be.

I used to be out-going and fun and just brave. Now, I don't know what is happening but I feel myself changing and it is not a good change.

Do you ever missed me? Us? Or what we used to have? I came across your comment on your old account and you said you missed the old times.. but do you still miss it? It was months ago when you said it. I have a feeling you changed your mind, but I hope I'm wrong. Cause I don't ever want you to not miss what we had.

I will be seeing you again in a few weeks and I think it will be the last time I will ever see you.. cause there is only a tiny thread-like chance of us bumping into each other in public, right? I miss you so much and I don't think there is anything I can do to stop myself from missing you.

I'll just stop here because I will just write some things that doesn't make any sense to any of you but means so much to me.

— I miss you but lets just pretend we never know each other and this post never existed.