Hearts Out

17th of June 2016.

You know it wouldn't last. You know it would end sooner or later. You know you'll get hurt by the feelings you have for him and you know it'll hurt more when he leave. You know what would happen, but you don't care because the moment you saw him all your thoughts are gone with the wind. He sits there, unaware of the feelings you have for him, and suddenly you just don't know how to breathe properly. He's the reason your heart fluttered and also the reason why your heart is in pieces. You don't care because you think he loves you like you loved him. The moment you realised he was only using you, your whole world shattered and you're down on your knees thinking, "How could you? After all the things I've done for you? I can't believe you'd actually do this to me." You feel lost. You don't know what to do now that he's not by your side. Usually you'll help him do his works, or he'll crack jokes cause he knows you're bored, or both of you gossip about things that happened at school, or share secrets about what happened at home, or he'll try to cheer you up because he knows you're sad. But now? You have nothing to do. Even getting out of bed seem so tiring. You just lay on your bed hoping your phone would light up and his name's on the screen but you know, you know very well that it will never happen. Come to think of it, he never really thanked you for what you did. The first time you helped him and he didn't say thanks, you thought maybe he was so happy he didn't remember to say thanks. Then the next time, and the next next time, and the time after the next next time. It goes on for months and you eventually forgot he never say thanks, you're just happy he thought of you when he needs help. He also never really said sorry. Even when he does it's clear it wasn't sincere. Even after he said sorry he's just going to do the same thing all over again. And when you've had enough, he did something that makes your heart flutters and you forgave him all over again. You think back and realise how foolish you've been, back at his feet when he says things that makes you happy, never leaving his side even after all the bullshit he did, and staying with him even when he clearly likes other girls. All of this is because he made you feel special, infront of your friends. But he never mentioned you to his friends. Never. And I think that's what makes it hurt more. You didn't crossed his minds when he's with his friends. Only when he needs help. But back then, you're in a world where he is everything. You never realise anyway that you're just another one of his secret. People didn't know you both know each other. He's only close to you when he's got no other friend he could rely on. But atleast he trusted you, and that is what matters, right?