Invisible Pain

Chapter Eight

     "I've got my test results back Karissa" Trevor texted, "When should I bring it over?", "Sometime tonight would be great, thank you hun." She texted back, "I better head back to work before I get into trouble, see you tonight XO." Her iPhone went vibrant again, "XO".
    It's been a long, slow day at the law firm for Karissa. She was trying really hard not to look at the clock that was hanging below her head on the wall behind her.
     "Hey Whitney." She says to the girl that is sitting next to her who is also a Secretary, "I have to run to the washroom, is that ok with you?", "Of course girlfriend, you go right ahead!" says the young skinny girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes.
      Before Karissa goes into the ladies washroom, she goes and gets her purse first from the staff dormitory and then walks into the washroom. She is grateful that all of the four bathroom stalls are all empty and no one is there, it actually wouldn't have mattered to her anyway.
      Karissa goes into one of the stalls, shuts the door behind her and closes the lid of the toilet and sits down promptly. She quickly opens her purse since she knows she doesn't have a lot of time and opens that pouch of hers and grabs out a utility knife she would sometimes use to cut her arm with and pulls her dress pants down and starts slaying really quickly, giving her that adrenaline that she has always been craving for and her mind begins to shut down into relaxation mode. "God I sure needed this." She muttered closing her eyes and putting her head down for a brief moment. It has been five minutes and she she knows she has to go back before Whitney finds her again. She cuts again and again, this time with force until she saw blood emerging from the skin. She wiped the blood, then put on a couple of bandages once more and walked back to the main office desk along with her purse in clutch just in case she needed it again.
    "How's has the bladder infection?" Whitney had asked Karissa when she was sitting down. "It's still painful but I'll see a doctor soon". "Hopefully, you've had it for awhile. I worry about you sometimes girl, please get it checked okay?", "I will".
Karissa's depression was beginning to deteriorate more and more since cutting herself is becoming an addiction all over again. She also would often binge drink from time to time if the cutting got too boring for her. She tried to burn herself but realizes that it doesn't really work for her, neither does breaking bones as it is one of the parts of self-harming. Sometimes her job would be stressful since her boss would nag her but she tries to not let that bother her if she can. She more is worried about her relationship with Trevor.
    She knows the two of them are going to have sex soon, but with her cutting non-stop, it is making things more and more complicated as she knows he will leave her eventually. She tries a day or two to not hurt herself but her body keeps forcing her to continue on with the pain.
She still writes in her journal daily but also in one of the very front pages of that journal, she would have dates written in point form, keeping track of each day if she was going to cut or not. She would write sometimes beside it if she had cut that day and if she tried to mend the wounds or not which she would often leave if she didn't care. She hides that journal in a safe place away from Trevor and her family or anyone else that has come into her apartment.      She knows writing her feelings down helps but she wishes that would make her stop doing what she is doing to herself and wants to get out of that black hole she had once described before.