The Book Nook

22

Not knowing whether that last question was rhetorical or not, it left me wondering nonetheless. In her book, the fictional version of herself has so preposterously many things happen to her that are beyond rationalization, that seem to be even beyond the scope of reality itself. The closest she comes in her book for a very long time to even uttering the mere theory of anything divine is when she is shown something that she can no longer deny. I vividly recall it being a part where I audibly sucked in my own breath. In the book, her character begins having events orchestrated and strategically influenced by, encounters with, and eventually even being outrightly approached by, beings she determines to be angels. She, of course, is skeptical and tests a theory she remembers hearing that can determine whether or not something is of "the light" or is not. Her experiments ring true and the beings show evidence that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they come from a higher power.

I don't remember Alexandria ever stating any specific beliefs on any topics of the spiritual to me in person or in her story. Her novel-version of herself becomes so - almost bombarded - by evidence of the supernatural and spiritual that she becomes overwhelmed to the point of breakdown, gaining only more and more questions about life as she knew it and why these things were happening to her.

Sadly, of course, due to the book being unfinished, I don't know the resolution to book-Alex's crisis of identity.

Is that same crisis existent in real-world Alex sitting beside me? Or is it no longer a crisis but whatever it can be called that comes after the crisis? When the truth is made known.

"What do you know about the divine?" I finally asked. But as if knowing she had let me ponder it too long, Alexandria being as she is, decided to change the subject on me.

"So you'd really actually wait for me to kiss you again?"

I could hear the bafflement in her voice. It wasn't like it was that outrageous of a thing to say.

"Of course. You know, that's always what I've hated about our society. Everyone's just after one thing - to get with each other. It's all about who you're hooking up with, with how many, who you are, or were, or want to be in a relationship with. But to most, a relationship is nothing more than a consistent way of getting sex. Just temporary gratification. We're in a generation of people so chronically lonely and that are so loathe to accept it, that they think happiness is merely finding a way to combat the loneliness by having someone to get in bed with. It's temporal, nothing more. It's not going to take away that empty longing inside of you. You'll never find what you're looking for. Fulfillment won't come from the validation you get from another person.

In the end, I just don't see myself as a part of that majority. I think it's a false living that's filled with nothing but lies we tell ourselves. I just don't think I'm convinced in that way of thinking. I may be melancholy a lot of the time but I don't need that validation.

As for would I actually wait for you to make the next kiss? Yes, absolutely I would. I feel sorry for the female gender. It's probably so difficult to tell which guys are genuine and which just want to get your clothes off. To me that's horrifying. If I were a girl, I'd probably never trust a male ever. That's why I'm leaving it up to you. I'm more than confident in your discernment abilities in that sense, so if you think I'm good enough to keep around, then so be it."

She had to take a moment to process that momentary gem of wordsmithing.

"Wow," she said, "you really went off on that."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"That was perhaps the noblest thing I've ever heard out of someone's mouth."