Player 99

Choices I Make

I left work early and drove home. I let myself in and went to my room. I took off my shoes and sat on the bed. I threw my shoes into the wall in anger. This is complete bullshit, i thought leaning back, staring at the blank ceiling. Robert needs to go to hell, I thought evilly. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of a black hole appearing in front of him and him falling in it. I can't let J.J. find out about this, I thought. I'm going to have to break up with him....To protect him....from all of this bullshit. Deciding with a broken heart, I reached for my phone in my pocket. I was about to call J.J. when there was a knock on my door. Sighing, I got up to go answer it. 

I opened the door and J.J. crashed his lips against mine. I reacted instantly and wrapped my arms around him, knowing that this would be the last time that I was going to be able to do this. I didn't know I was crying until J.J. pulled away and wiped the tears away. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, his blue eyes searching mine. "Did I hurt you?" 

I shook my head, knowing that he was far from the truth. I leaned up, with a heavy heart, and pecked his lips. He kissed me back but he pulled away quickly. He took my hand and led me to my couch. I sat down with him next to me. He gripped my hand tightly as I sat there, not wanting to tell him. 

"What's wrong, Paige?" he asked. "You can tell me." 

I shook my head, as I knew that he was wrong. I looked up, blinking away my tears so I could see him. His face was etched in worry as he gazed I met his eyes, feeling like mine betrayed my guilty conscious. I squeezed his hand and smiled meekly. 

"I can't tell you, Justin," I said. I felt more tears coming. "We can't be together." I paused. His face went blank. 

"There's something I have to do," I said, turning my head and looking away. He let go of my hand. "I can't be with you." 

"So, the I Love You was a lie then?" he asked, turning away from me. I shook my head, looking up. 

"NO!" I said, more loudly than I intended. "I do love you." He looked at me. 

"Then why can't we be together?" he asked. I didn't answer. 

"Tell me Paige." 

I kept my mouth shut, but my tears started falling. "I can't," I croaked, wanting more than ever to just spill my guts. 

"Paige," he said, slowly, "You can tell me anything," I looked up, the words on the tip of my tongue. "You can tell me anything and I'll still love you." He leaned in and kissed my forehead. The pushed me over the edge. 

I told him everything. I told him about the thing Josh and I sort of had. I told him about the night I met with Josh for dinner. I explained the meeting with Robert and Josh this morning.I didn't tell him about my conditions though. It would have made it seem like I was going a long with it.

But you are going along with it, my guilty mind said. Shut up, the other half, the broken hearted half said. Both sides went quiet. 

 I told him about what happened after I got back from lunch. I told him that Robert threatened to expose us and say that he was sleeping with me while i got him the job and that I slept my way up to CFO. When i was done, I was crying softly and Justin was staring ahead blankly. I reached out and touched his hand. 

"Are you ok?" I wondered. He looked at me, his eyes cold. 

"How can you tell me this?" he asked me. 

"You asked me to," I whispered. He shook his head. 

"No, I mean how can you tell me this and expect me to be ok?" he snapped getting up. I got up too and grabbed his hands. 

"I never wanted to go along with this!" I said. "When I first met with Robert, I said my personal life was off the table, meaning my relationship with you was not going to be messed with." 

He raised his eyebrow. "And what did he do to make you do this?" he asked, taking his hands out of mine. 

"He changed the contract so if any employees dated a client they would be fired," I said, looking down. 

"But I'm not a client," he pointed out. I nodded. 

"He made it so if it was a past, present or future client," I said, ashamed. J.J. laughed, harshly. 

"That's great! That's fucking great!" he said, throwing his hands up in the air. "You're going to break up with me aren't you. That's what this is all about." I looked down and collapsed into tears. 

"Yes," I said. Justin stormed to the door. I reached out and grabbed his arm. "I have no choice, Justin!" I cried. He turned on me. 

"Don't you dare call me that," he growled, seeming taller. "You don't get to call me that right now." I shrunk and nodded. 

"I don't want to," I said, wiping away some of my tears. "But I don't really have a choice." 

He paused. "Yes you do," he said. I looked up. "You can quit and find another job." I swallowed. 

"He promised I'd never get another job either way," I said. "I have to do this. I've worked so hard for this and I can't give that up, Justin." 

He was silent as he stared at me for a while. He sighed, put his hands in his pockets and his eyes regarded me warily. I was suddenly exhausted. It'd been a long and horrible day. I just wanted to go crawl in my bed and sleep for forever. Justin nudged a piece of fluff on the floor and sighed again. 

"Paige," he said. I looked up into his eyes, knowing I was on the edge of a serious heartbreak or a close save. 

"Paigie," he said, using the nickname he'd given me. I smiled, softly. Maybe I was in the clear and we could still be friends. 

It was too much to ask for. 

"Don't call me anymore, ok?" he said, before he turned around and left. 

I stood there for a full minute, completely in shock. Once what happened kicked in, I turned, numbly and went to my bed. I crawled in and pulled the blankets up to my chin. 

"Justin," I whispered, my throat closing. "I love you." I burst into tears and I couldn't stop all night.