In Time

Chapter 14: Questions

Tori's P.O.V.

It has been about a week since Justin and I last talked about moving to California and I could tell Justin was getting anxious. He kept getting calls from Scooter and his producer. He hadn't told them yet about seeing me or that he has a son. I felt bad for him because I know he wanted to get back, I could see it in his eyes. I think it was finally time for me to tell Justin that I just wasn't ready to go back yet. I don't want to keep him here, knowing that he wants to be back in the studio. 

"Scooter, I can't have this conversation now." Justin looked up and saw me walking down the stairs. I had the day off today because we hadn't had any new clients come into the studio. "No, I'm just busy. Ryan and I made plans to go to the lake today and I have to get ready." He looked at me, mouthing a 'sorry' to me. "Yes, that is important." He got up from the kitchen counter and walked into the living room. I couldn't hear what he was saying but the mumbling didn't seem to have a happy tone. I walked into the kitchen to start breakfast. A few minutes later, I could hear Drew standing at the top of the stairs, yelling "mommy, mommy". I walked out of the kitchen to go get him and bring him with me to make some food. 

I was scrambling some eggs while I waited for Drew's pancakes to be done. Justin walked up behind me and kissed my neck. "Good morning beautiful." I smiled but kept mixing the eggs. He went to flip the pancakes and got out a plate to put them on. I couldn't help myself anymore, "So what were you and Scooter talking about?" I saw out of the corner of my eye that he stopped flipping for a second but soon continued to try and compose himself. He cleared his throat then said, "He, uh, wants me to come back to California in the next couple days." I stopped scrambling the eggs. I stood there looking into the bowl and just thought for a second. I didn't know how to respond. I had gotten so used to Justin being here. Sure, we talked about whether or not California was a good idea. It never really struck me until now that we actually had to make a decision. I felt tears about to pour out of me and I hated when people watched me cry. I put the fork down and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Not knowing if Justin would be following me, I made a beeline to my room. I locked the door and walked into the bathroom. I started to run a bath, closing the blinds near the tub and turning the lights off. I need this time to really think about this decision. I don't know why it was so hard. Any other person would take the opportunity to go back to California and pick up right where they left off. I don't know why I was making this so hard on myself and definitely Justin. I wish someone could just give me the answer. I turned off the water and stepped into the tub. Letting my body be completely taken over by the bubbles, I closed my eyes and tried to wish away this moment. 

Justin's P.O.V.

I felt bad for Tori. I know this is hard for her and this isn't a decision you can make without thinking about the pros and cons. I finished the breakfast and fed Drew. We sat at the table in the dining room and eat in silence. Startling me, Drew begins to say, "Where's mommy at?". I look down at him and smile. "She's in her bedroom.", I say. "Doing what?", he continues. I didn't really know what she was doing, but I wanted to give her space so I let her be. "Um, she's getting ready for the day." I said as bluntly as I could. I wanted so badly to know what was going on in Tori's head. It killed me that theres a huge chance she might stay here. At the same time, though, I won't be mad if she chooses to stay. Going back to California will be a very big thing, and I don't know if thats what she's ready for. 

I cleaned up Drew and I's mess, as well as the kitchen. We went to the living room and I turned on Spongebob Squarepants for him. I went back to the dining room and sat on my laptop answering emails. I couldn't help but feel really anxious. I just wanted to know the answer so badly. What killed me even more was that I might have to say goodbye to Drew. I shook my head trying to keep the bad thoughts out for now. 

It's been about thirty minutes since Tori ran upstairs. I wanted to give her space but I was just so nervous. I walked up to her bedroom and tried to open the door but it was locked. I couldn't hear anything through the door, so I assumed she fell asleep. 

Tori's P.O.V.

It's been a while since I've been in the tub. I decided to get out and get ready. I took my time thinking about my decision over and over. I decided that once I was ready, I was going to head over to my moms house and ask her opinion. She always knew what to say in any situation and I'm hoping she'll have an answer for me. 

I walked downstairs and saw the back of Justin's head in the dining room. I walked over and put my arms around his chest. I kissed the side of his head and he grabbed my hand pulling me to the seat next to him. "are you okay?" He asked with a concerned look on his face. He shut his laptop and pushed it away, now leaning on the table. "Yea, I'm fine. I'm gonna go to my moms house. I just wanted to let you know and go before Drew sees me." He nodded his head and said nothing. I got up and looked over to the living room to see Drew fully tuned into his show. I smiled before walking out and getting in the car. 

I pulled up to my moms house with a million questions racing around in my head. I walked right in and to the kitchen. No matter what day of the week or time of day, you could find my mom in the kitchen. "Honey, you scared me, why are you here? Is everything okay?" With that I broke down. Just starting bawling with no warning to my mother. She put the papers in her hand down and walked over giving me a hug. She begin calmly shushing me and very slowly rocking me. No matter how hard I tried, I just kept crying. Finally after a while, she says, "Honey can you tell me whats wrong?". I move away from her and say, "Justin has to go back to California." She nods her head and motions for me to walk towards the living room. "I don't want to separate Justin and Drew but I don't know if I'm ready for everything ahead of me in California." I look at my mom finally and see the worry in her eyes. "What do you think is the best option. Worrying about yourself or worrying about your child? You might not want to separate them but you also have to think about how this might affect Drew. Do you want your child growing up that way? Do you think he will be able to handle it?" I hadn't thought of any of these questions. I was so worried about myself that I forgot Drew has to also live with whatever decision I make. I continued talking to my mom about moving to California and by the time I left I had my answer. I knew what needed to be done for my sake and Drew's. In the end, this isn't about how my decision will affect Justin or even me. I had to be the mother my mom taught me to be and do what was right for Drew. 

I walk into the house and I can still here the TV going, except a different show is playing. I walk to the living room to see Justin and Drew sitting together watching TV. As I walk closer, I see Drew is asleep. He sleeps a lot for a little boy, but I inwardly giggled it off. Justin turns his head around as if he sensed me standing behind him. He smiles at me and mouths a 'hey'. I lean against the wall and put a content feeling smile on my face. He shifts Drew's body so he is fully laying down now. He walks over to me and kisses me on the cheek, pulling me out of a trance I hadn't realized I fell into. He grabs my hand and pulls me to sit next to him on the stairs. Instinctively, I lay my head on his shoulder as he rests his hand on my knee. I put hand on top of his and then puts his free hand over mine. I was suddenly becoming nervous. I really didn't know if I was able to tell Justin my final decision. He looks down at me and my eyes meet his beautiful brown ones. "Did you decide?" echoes out of his mouth and all of a sudden I can't breath or talk. I look at him wishing we could sit there forever and never move again. I know I can't and that tears me apart. What do I do? Do I leave this easy life for a hectic one on Los Angeles? Or do I stay here and raise Drew in a healthy environment? Do I go back and be with Justin knowing our chance of being together are a lot higher then before? Or do I stay and not risk the potential break down of a community not willing to accept that I have a kid, we have a kid? It became too much to think about. Everything my mom said to me an hour ago washed away. What do I do? What do I say?