Feeling the impossible

Flesh

Shaw's POV

I squeezed Root's hand then gave her a blank expression ,as if there was a need to balance out the emotive behaviour. I watched her swallow nervously before asking "You uh..you really wanna hear me ramble on?"She said with attempted humour.

"Yes Root,I do..it might help?"I stated rather monotonously but i was pretty sure my eyes gave away the concern that did exist beneath the shield i had up.I looked at Root trying to read her expresion which was a mix of uncertainty ,forloness and shame.I took a deep breath and placed my hand on Root's shoulder "Look Root I meant it,I want to be here and i want to listen.Whatever you have to say..no judgement..i mean maybe a little teasing but we both know you like that huh"I started out soft ,firm and as kindly as i could muster and ended with a little smirk.

Root giggled a little before sighing, her expression rearranging to be more guarded,an expression I knew too well myself.

I found myself reaching for her hand again,intertwining our fingers,trying to reassure her.She looked surprised at my action but her expression softened a little so I guess it worked.Averting her gaze she twisted her lips mumbling "I don't really know how to start..Im not great at this if you haven't realised"

"Well im worse at it but i guess there's a first time for everything huh?"

The corner of her mouth twitched upwards at that and I felt my heart surge a tiny charge knowing i did that.

"How about we start at what the number did?"I suggested as gently as i could,trying hard not to sound too blunt.

"Umm well we did it I guess,he was kinda rough but what's new,that's no biggie"Root muttered trying to sound nonchalant."I don't know why Im like this..It's not like it's the first time..blocking it out isn't always this hard."She continued sounding bitter.

"Well maybe there's only so much you can surpress before you need to process it  or you just end up exploding.You know like when you keep shaking a coke can and then open it" I responded glancing over at her.

She sighed "Well its not like it meant anything,I was just following orders,I was just the flesh really..so what's new it's not like i have a history of meaningful relationships to make this seem dirty or whatever,end of the day Im just a warm body,a piece of flesh that thankfully can be replaced because let's face it ,I would trade me up if I could."She breathed out shakily , her eyes shining with anger and tears."I don't know why its all getting to me ..I know im just flesh so why can't i just switch it off so i can obey the orders why do i have to feel crappy about it" Root ranted frustratedly.

I looked over at the angry hacker and my heart ached a little.It sucked that she was hurting and feeling this way."Root" I said sternly so that she would turn to face me.The minute our eyes met hers welled up with tears that threatened to fall  and her lip quivered."Oh Root" I mumbled fondly as I opened up my arms and reached over,frumbling a little to give her a hug.The second my arms wrapped around the warm yet shivering lanky body,I looked at her and our expressions simultaneously mirrored our surprise at how comfortable and natural it felt.It felt right.

"Root,you have every right to be frustrated.You have every right to be sad.You have every right to feel whatever you're feeling."

At that,Root burst into a sob and my heart felt tangled up inside."Im sorry, i dont know why..I try Shaw,i always try to turn off the feeling of disgust but.."She bit her lip almost afraid of how honest she was being.

"Honesty is good Root.."I started out "Oh and also, sweetie,you are not just a piece of flesh!"I cried out in bewilderment at her earlier statement."I never knew you felt that way Root I'm really sorry" I said with sincereity making Root sniffle yet looking touched.

"Nah i am Shaw ..Im just a piece of flesh and not a very attractive one,aint no you sweetie "She joked yet genuinely complimenting me.

"Oh Root"I sighed as i lifted one arm up to wipe away the tears that cascaded down her cheeks."Root, you're hot , even I don't deny it."I said my voice coated with sincere sarcasm.

I heard her chuckle before i caught her eye yet again and she gave me a sad smile brimming with tears.

"Shaw..Sameen i..i dont know ive never even allowed myself to go there,to think these thoughts.."

"Root..you're safe here Root i promise..I won't let anyone hurt you.It's done were just processing it.."I started out earnest,with a tone filled with certainity and protectiveness,"I mean look i know im not the most normal of human kind .."I started again a little more hesitant,but Root cut me off.

"Sameen,there's no one i trust more."