Feeling the impossible

From the start

Shaw's POV

I was still rather shocked. It was difficult to see Root hurting this much. Or rather that she had been hurting all this while and i had been oblivious to just how much.

"I really am..glad,that you trust me Root."

She cocked her head to the side like a muddled puppy as she does, looking hesitant.

"The uh pause was just because i wasnt sure if glad is the best word to use"

"Oh" came a single mumble.

"Root?"

"Mm?" She replied still avoiding eye contact.

I placed my hands on either side of her face again and implored her to look at me.When she finally looked up, I was met with warm brown orbs swimming with sadness and fear.

"Oh Root" i found myself sighing and instinctively leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. I didnt even think about it ,it had become a subconscious reaction that felt second nature to me.

"Hey" I whispered leaning back a little to look at her,my thumb wiping away tears that had to now began to cascade down her face.

"You're okay ,okay?And if you don't feel it,that's okay too.You know i um,im not going think any different of you right?"

Root looked away as i said that..so that was what she was worried about?

"That was what had you worried?Root,you're always gonna be the one tether to this world that wont stop bugging the shit out of me"
At that root laughed a little

"There we go " i said pleased with myself that i had succeeded in making her laugh.

"Hey Root?"

"mm" came a meek response.

"Talk to me?Why Root..and when did you even..when did this start..? "

"I don't know,its always been sorta ..i dont know.."

"How bout we take it from the start? When was the first time ..?"

She mumbled something ever so quietly .

"Didn't quite catch that Root"

Sighing, the hacker repeated herself " Since ive been in school.."

"Root.." i implored, my heart breaking a little." that's a long time to have been dealing with this"

"It wasn't always bad..i had it under control at some point..sorta i guess"

"When did you start again? "

And with that she just shook her head, and swallowed hard.

"Okay..how about this,when we first met, was this already happening?"

"Not as much .."

"How did i not notice..Root im so sorry"

"That's fine Shaw you have nothing to apologise for."

"Yes I do..look i know im not the best at showing it but.. i mean .. " Frustrated at myself for not being to sting out a sentence,i sighed before taking a deep breath " I care.." i mumbled this time.

"I know you do..Ive always known that you do care "

"About you Root..I wished i could have made things better some how"

"You did..do actually, you always do" She sniffled, smiling at me with shining eyes.