Feeling the impossible

"Im fine"

Trigger warning: Mention of self injury

Root's POV

Shaw stood agape ,staring at me.

"Oh Root"
I looked away as i felt her gaze burning on my arm.
I hid my arm behind my back but it was too late,she had already seen them.
I bit my lip nervously and blink away my tears as i looked down,avoiding Shaw's eyes at all cost.

I felt her approach as i stood frozen,my breath caught in my throat.

"Root?" Shaw's voice echoed out,filled with concern,gentle and hesitant yet stoic as ever.

Shaw was now right in front of me, her warm breath cut through the cold of the subway.

I felt her hand reach out to my face as she began wiping away tears i had not noticed before.

"Come on" She muttered as she took the cigarette from my hand and flickered it down,stepping on it. She grabbed the hand which was previously holding the cigarette and intertwined our fingers.Turning around,she led me back to to cot and sat me down before sitting next to me.

I still had my other arm hidden behind my back ,shifting it forward i quickly rolled my sleeve down,still avoiding Shaw's gaze.

I heard her sigh, "Root, Root look at me"

I shook my head as tears began to well up again.

"Alright" Shaw said,as she shifted me from the edge of the cot to the centre of the bed,leaning me up against the wall. She then straddled my legs and placed her hands on either side of my face.
"Look at me Root"
Her voice was gentle,patient and concerned.

I felt myself reaching out my own hand to wrap around one of hers that was still cupped my face.

I finally met her eyes,and they were warm,kind and earnest,a look that usually hid behind a shield.
"Hey" she began softly.  Her thumb moved to wipe away new tears that trickled down my cheek.

"Hey.." i replied hoarsely in a whisper.

"Why Root?"

I chewed on my lip nervously and shrugged,beginning to cry harder now.

"Root,talk to me.Please"

"I-its nothing Shaw,im fine"

"Like hell it is,Root..Root,you're hurting yourself.Why would you do that?Why on earth would you want to..oh Root.." Shaw paused,leaning her forehead against mine "You could have talked to me you know..i know i push you away at times but its never stopped you,you know i dont mean it im just..well you know,im me and it rubs off wrong on everyone but ..but not you.." Shaw closed her eyes and continued " You can always talk to me about anything Root"

"You being you is always enough Shaw,its the best thing in the world,i hope you'll see that one day"

Shaw opened her eyes,warm orbs meeting mine as she blinked hard. In all my fluster,i was unfiltered and honest. I usually mask honesty in flirtation or humour because i always worry but,i guess in that moment..

"Im glad you didn't,look Root you wont ever scare me away,whether you mask it in confident suave the way you do,which as you already know,i see through it.I  know your heart. So it doesnt matter if its in moments like just now which..was kinda nice to be honest"

"So im just saying all my thoughts out loud now then huh"

Shaw chuckled before looking serious again "Root can i see them please..i just want to make sure they don't need medical attention"

I looked down again,ashamed "their ugly shaw"

"No their not Root,nothing about you is"

I said nothing as i looked at her unsure.
"Trust me?"
Her eyes implored into mine and i felt myself nodding.
Shaw reached out rolled up my sleeve gently as i looked away. This was far more intimate than anything ive ever experienced.This was a part of me that ive kept a secret.Something im ashamed of yet something that ive needed . I never thought i'd let anyone see me so stripped down and emotionally raw.

"Well thank you for trusting me" Shaw whispered ,her eyes shining.