i was next to her, her cold hand on mine. we sat on the airport's plastic chairs while a few people hustled around.
it's a scary thing really, having someone here. someone you can touch and someone who has emotions to share with you. someone who can love you back. but then poof.
they're gone.
after this flight, there will be no more smoke kisses. no more park strolls at three a.m., nothing.
we had opted to stop our relationship here, with no connection at all. i think that's what scared me the most. leaving her all alone. some part of me didn't trust her alone. i had seen her pain, all she's been through and now im bringing it to her again.
god, i wish i could take it. i wish i could take all her emotional distress from her and just hold it for her. take it with me to london.
better yet, take her with me and leave everything behind.
that's impossible. she didn't want to move, she couldn't. we didn't have enough to make it happen, and phil.
phil.
he would disagree. all because it wasn't part of the "plan". a fucking plan that was supposed to make us famous. i hated him. i hated him for making me do this. for making me leave her.
she was all that i have. all that helps me. all that takes the pain and smoking away. after this, there will be no more late night's of crying and reassurance to help me get by.
i don't think i'll forgive him for this.
her hand disappears from mine and now she's standing up.
they just called my plane.
i stand up too, shaking like i used to do before i met her.
it hurt. it hurt to say goodbye. she kissed me. it wasn't a passionate or demanding kiss. it was a soft and filled with pain. a pain we had shared and held for each other for a year. i started to cry as she pulled away, tears streaking down her lovely cheeks.
she left right after but the feel of her lips on mine stayed with me for a long time.
"promise we won't forget each other?"
"i promise,"
