Someone Else's Fairytale

Eighteen: Someone Else's Fairytale

For a minute I just stared. “You're here?” I said.

“Yeah,” said Jason. He looked like he'd just stepped off the set. His hair was styled. He'd shaved.

“How did you get here?”

“It's called an airplane. Invented over a hundred years ago.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I don't think I was followed, but-”

“Come in,” I said. I stepped back.

He came inside and dumped the grocery bag on the counter. “So are you all right?”

I nodded.

He held out his arms to me.

Now that he offered, I realized I could use a hug. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he pressed his cheek against mine. As always, his skin smelled like moisturizer and with his body pressed close, it was natural for me to relax. I felt safe now. He kissed my cheek.

That felt good, really good. It was tempting to turn my head and kiss him back. No, I told myself. You're not thinking clearly. This is Jason, not Matthew; be smart. I pulled back.

He let go of me and turned to the grocery bag on the counter. “I don't know your favorite flavor, but I know chocolate's supposed to have magical properties in a situation like this.” He pulled a carton of ice cream out of the bag. “This work?”

“Definitely.”

He reached over the counter and tugged open the silverware drawer. I wondered how he knew which drawer, or if it was just a lucky guess. He extracted one spoon and led me over to the couch. Alarm bells went off in my head, and they only got louder as Jason sat me down, peeled the lid off the ice cream and dug out a spoonful. “Here,” he said. He fed it to me.

It wasn't cheap, generic brand ice cream. This was the good stuff. It made me melt inside. I wanted to let him feed it to me and pour my heart out to him in return. I wanted him to put his arms around me and erase this whole nightmare with Matthew. And I wanted to kiss him and gaze into his dreamboat eyes. I had no doubt that he'd let me.

“You okay, Chloe?”

I shut my eyes. It seemed natural to lean against his shoulder, but I didn't. This is Jason, I reminded myself. He had more ex-girlfriends than I had college credits. “Give me a second.” I got up and made myself walk to the bathroom, where I shut the door and took several deep breaths. Chloe, I thought. Get a grip. Think clearly. Do the right thing.

I splashed some cold water on my face, which made my cheeks sting like I'd rubbed them with sandpaper. The tearstains hadn't faded yet. Worse, I wanted to start crying again. Jason was being perfect. If I could dream up the ideal boyfriend, I couldn't script a better visit. He clearly knew what he was doing. Because, I reminded myself, he had experience.

Do the right thing, I thought.

I dried my face, squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked back out into the main room.

Jason was back on his feet, by the counter, eating ice cream. At the sight of me he put the lid back on the carton and began to fidget with the spoon.

“I am really sorry,” I said.

“You want me to leave.”

“I should want you to leave, so I'm going to ask you to leave.”

“You should?”

“Okay.” I wiped my eyes. “One, I'm on the rebound right now, so as much as I want to kiss you, it's a mistake, and how stupid would it be for me to give in and regret it, given what just happened with Matthew?”

Jason blinked a few times, processing this.

“Two, this was amazing of you. I am overwhelmed with guilt that you did this for me and I shouldn't have called you.”

“I'm glad you did.”

“I shouldn't have. I feel like an-”

“Don't insult yourself. Please.”

I felt like I was going to fly to pieces, this was so difficult. I folded my arms across my chest as if I could physically hold myself together. “This is like a fairytale. Everything with you has been like a fairytale. You've been Prince Charming to a T. You've been attentive and caring and taken me on amazing dawn rides to the top of Sandia and been there for me with Chris and you've got a wonderful family...”

He looked down. “But,” he prompted.

I leaned against the counter. “It's not my fairytale. It's not anything I ever wanted. It's the last thing I've ever wanted. I hate crowds. I don't want to be the envy of every other woman on the planet. I never dreamed of being with a guy with flawless good looks. This is someone else's fairytale.”

“Yeah,” agreed Jason. “I know.”

Relief unfolded in me. “You do?”

“It's mine.”

Ouch. It would've been easier if he'd just jammed that cold spoon he was holding right through my sternum.

“First time you looked at me, I knew what you saw. A jerk in a t shirt eating ice at four in the morning.” He chuckled.

“You're not a jerk.”

“You're the most literal person I know.”

“Jas...”

“I know that if you like me, I must be a decent guy.”

“You are a great guy,” I agreed.

“I love you.”

Okay, now I definitely wished he'd just end me with that cold spoon. Tears of shock welled up in my eyes. “I'm sorry. Really. I'm so sorry.”

He nodded. “Honest to the end. That's so you.”

“Jason...”

“Bye, Chloe.”

“Bye.”

He turned and walked out the door. I shut my eyes and listened as it clicked shut. A moment later I heard his car start up. Three seconds later, I assumed he was gone. His Pruis was silent, so I didn't hear it pull out.

I wiped my eyes again and looked around. I felt a million times worse than I had at the beginning of the evening. The only consolation was knowing deep down, that I'd done the right thing and dodged another bullet.

Still, a part of me wanted to pick up the ice cream and slam it against the wall, or throw it away. Instead I dumped it in the freezer, locked the front door, and went to bed.