I Made It This Far

II.

Hindi ko inakalang magrereply pa siya sa medyo kabastusang sinend ko sa kanya.

Simula nung gabing yun... hindi ko na mapigilan pa...

Agnes: It's not that, Dan. i kept sharing your pictures because I'm proud that you are my daughter. Ikinakahiya mo ba ako bilang nanay mo? Are you not proud of me? There is no perfect life, Dan. Pinaghiwalay lang tayo ng panahon

Danielle: panahon!? Don't blame time! Don't blame situations! Because in real sense, you only have yourself to be blamed of everything as the variety of miserable things and messes you had in the past. bakit ikaw pa yong naging nanay ko? you're such a slut.

Agnes: Danielle, I did't expect that you are like that. I thought you're serving the church? Yes, I know, Dan. That every Sunday Danielle will go to church, kneel, and repent. Is that what they've taught you to be?

Danielle: stop flipping around! Ano bang pakialam mo! As if naman kasali ka sa lahat ng ipinagdadasal ko! Ako ba yung nagkasala sa yo? Ni-hindi nga ikaw nagpalaki sakin eh! Wag kang umasta na wala kang bahid ng kasalanan dahil alam nating dalawa dito kung sino ang tunay na nang-iwan!

I can't stop this any longer. Let's see kung hanggang saan ka dadalhin ng mga salita mo.

Pero may bagay na ikinagulantang ko. Naramdaman kong may basang likido ang nangingilid saking mata kaya inilapat ko ang tatlong daliri ko dito nang matingnan ko kung ano iyon

Shit. ano to?

Bakit...  naluluha ba ako?

I bit my lower lip at hindi ko na naiintindihan itong nararamdaman ko. Ikinuyom ko ang kamay ko.

what the heck? Sino ako ngayon para umiyak?

Napahawak ako nang mariin dun sa tablet. Feeling ko, unti-unti na akong sumasabog. Galit na galit ako sa kanya. 

Imbyerna siya wala siyang kwenta! punyeta siya! Alam niyo yon?

Agnes: tell me about it, Dan

Danielle: where are you...when I'm growing up? Where are you... when I'm scolded and assaulted by the things I never did? Where are you when I was bullied in school?

 Danielle: Like... 'Haha! Danielle! Walang nanay, anak ng kirengkeng!'?

 Danielle: Where are you to protect me? Where are you when I was awarded? honored in school ?while others kept on telling me that my parents are spectacular that they've raised me with such intellect? 

Danielle: Nasan nga ba kayo nung nag-communion ako? grumaduate ako ng elementary at highschool? nagdalaga ako? at nung nawalan na ko ng lola na siya lang ang tunay na nagmahal sakin? Where are you then, huh?