Everyone was there

Part 5

"Alice, I am really sorry. You must know that," says my mother, "I know what I did was wrong, I shouldn't have left you all alone like that. I acted very selfishly and drank away my misery. I was so wrapped up in my own sorrow when he left that I didn't even notice when my own daughter left as well. That you were losing not only your father but your mother as well, at such a young age. I should have been strong for the both of us, I should have cried out all the tears and then stood up to my responsibilities as a mother. That should have been my priority, I see that now.And I'm sorry I didn't realize it before, I'm sorry it took me so long to recover and most of all, I'm sorry for all those years of pain I caused you.  

Alice, I want you to know that I love you," she says, "and it was never your fault, him leaving, me drinking, it wasn't because of you. Me and your father had our own issues and no matter what you thought, he loves you too. Wherever he is, he thinks about you and cares about you, just like I do.  

In time, I hoped you would forgive me but now," her breath hitched, "now I don't even know how much time I have left with you," she cried, "now I don't know if I'll ever see your eyes open again. I don't know if you can hear this apology. I don't know if you'll ever see the sun again. I don't know if you're sleeping and dreaming. I don't know what to do, Alice. I don't know how I can help. Please, say something, do something, give me a sign!" 

She holds my hands and waits and waits but nothing comes. So she sobs and sobs and sobs and sobs.  

"Please don't go Alice, I need you, this world needs you, it's not your time yet." 

And then the silence envelops me once more.  

I look around my surroundings. I've somehow landed on a desert with nothing in sight except for sand stretching every-which way for miles and miles on end. The sun is on my back but when I look back, it's not there. The air is stiff and I start to walk in a random direction. I walk and walk and walk but don't seem to be getting anywhere. Then, I see something. A beautifully carved door with intricate patterns of the suns and moons of the world, it's my way out! I start running towards it as fast as I can. Pushing my legs to the limit, stretching my sore muscles, I run. Finally, I'm very close, only a few feet away. But as I keep running, the mysterious door stays a couple feet apart from me. Even if I sprint, I can't reach it. But it's there, just hanging in the emptiness.  

My mother comes back, puts something in my hand, and holds my other one. 

"Alice, I found this while cleaning out the attic last winter and it's been sitting on my desk since then. I know you can't see, but remember that finger painting you gave me when you were six? The one with our bright orange house and the whole family holding hands together?There's me, you, your father, Aunt Becky, Uncle Charlie and Aunt Suzie! How great were our family dinners? My brother and sisters were such a laugh. I remember Becky would always make fun of Charlie's cooking and Suzie would eat all her potatoes first. This painting really does bring back some wonderful memories. Everyone was there, you know?" 

Her voice fades away,back into the distance where sound is a quiet nothing. 

Like a spring, I recoil and then burst through the cocoon of darkness into a world full of light.