Supernatural in Real Life

Chapter 4

With Lucifer in hiding, Mark and Gabriel run out of things to talk about quickly. Fortunately, Mark remembers me and waves me over to them, so I'm not just being the awkward person standing by the wall eavesdropping on conversations. I'm now allowed to be the awkward person standing with them eavesdropping on the conversation!
It doesn't work as well as I hope, because they have nothing to talk about either. We all just stand around awkwardly, and I try to hide my amusement that the other half of Gabriel's best friend isn't really friends with Gabriel at all.
"So..." I say finally. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Something fun," Mark replies.
"And not depressing," Gabriel adds.
"'Fun' and 'not depressing,'" I repeat. "Great. That's really helpful. Thanks guys."
"So..." Gabriel says, as I had, in a most likely failed attempt to break the silence. "Bailey, you having fun yet?"
"Oh, yeah," I reply sarcastically. "It's great. I finally kinda made a friend and then watched him be 'brutally tortured' and run away and now I'm back to square one and I'm surrounded by people that I don't really know and I don't know how to start a conversation."
"I like the fact that you didn't even mention the fact that you're probably being hunted by a demon," Gabriel notes. "Like, is that not a bad thing?"
"Right, that too," I agree.
"Also I'm offended that I am not your friend," Mark says.
"Really? Because I think you should be glad."
Gabriel gives an exaggerated gasp of shock. "No! Don't say that! You're not allowed to! No self hate! That's, like, what we're all about!"
I laugh. "What are you talking about?"
"You know, the whole 'you're worth it' 'keep fighting' thing?" Gabriel explains, sounding honestly confused about how I don't know this. "Because, like, half the fandom is depressed? Do you pay attention to the fandom at all?"
"Oh, yeah! But I'm not depressed, so it doesn't really apply to me."
"I heard 'depressed,'" Misha says from across the room. "Who's depressed?"
"No one!" I reply quickly.
"Bailey is!" Gabriel says at the same time, but louder.
"Noooo!" Misha runs toward me and gives me a big hug. "No, don't be depressed!"
"I'm not-" I begin.
"Hushles," he whispers. "You're awesome."
"Misha! I. Am. Not. Depressed."
"Not anymore!" he says with a grin. "My work here is done!" He bounces back to his friends, and I can't help but laugh.
"What just happened?" I ask no one in particular.
"Misha became an anti-depression superhero and saves the day," Mark answers.
"He really didn't save anything," I say, "but if that's what lets him sleep at night, so be it."
"It does!" Misha calls over to me.
"Have you been listening to our entire conversation?" I ask.
"No way!" he answers. "You guys are boring."
"For someone who wants to stop depression, you are really depressing."
"Can't deny that!" he agrees and turns back to his friends.
"Gotta love Misha," Mark laughs.
"Is he always like that?" I ask.
"Yes. Always. It's horrible," Gabriel says. "No, just kidding. Well, he is, but it's not horrible."
There's a moment of awkward silence, broken by Mark when he says to me, "I know we decided not to talk about depressing things, but I've got to ask. Why should we be glad we're not your friends?"
Dammit! I shouldn't have said that. I have having to explain myself, especially about that sort of stuff. I sighs. "Because I'm not the type of person that you would want to be friends with. Like, I can't keep a conversation going to save my life, which I'm sure you've noticed."
"I don't believe this," Mark interrupts. "That is false. Very, very false!"
"No, it's not, unfortunately."
"No, it is," Mark replies. "When I met you... Yesterday? Wow, was that really only yesterday? Anyway, when I met you yesterday, you were by far the most talkative person, and the most interesting, too."
"Because everyone else was too star struck to think of anything to say. I was so star struck, I had a whole lot to say. But now you guys don't really feel like you're the cast of my favorite show, but just random people off the street, and now I have to say anymore. One can only fangirl so long before it gets really annoying, you know?"
"'Random person off the street?'" Gabriel repeats in disgust. "Ugh, how dare you?" He storms off, but I can hear him laughing quietly, so I know he wasn't serious. I watch him quietly walk up to J2M, and only Jensen and Misha can see him. He puts his finger to his lips, signaling them to stay silent as he creeps up to them. Suddenly, he jumps on Jared, shouting "THE UNICORNS ARE COMING!" at the top of his lungs. Everyone bursts out laughing, including, I see as he turns around, Jared.
"What the hell, man?" He can barely speak through the laughs.
Gabriel grins. "Gotta watch out for those unicorns, Jared," he cautions his friends jokingly.
"Gotta watch out for those angels is more like it," he replies.
I never would have thought that Sam and Gabriel would be friends, but they seem fairly similar to their characters, and they clearly are close. After all, if someone you didn't like jumped on you while screaming about the return of mythical creatures, you probably wouldn't be laughing about it. With the approach of Gabriel, Jared leaves his earlier conversation, leaving Jensen and Misha to continue it on their own.
"If it's any consolation," Mark says, as if that didn't just happen, "I think you're awesome."
"Thanks," I reply. "You're wrong, but thanks."
"Do I need to call Misha back over here?" he threatens.
"No!" I say quickly. "No, no need. I agree, I'm fabulous! Did it work?"
He laughs. "Yeah, totally. Didn't sound fake at all."
I smile, my pride as fake as his reply. "Nailed it!"
"I think you mean 'failed it,'" he replies teasingly.
"Nailed it, failed it, same thing."
"No, they aren't. They really aren't. Actually, they're opposites."
I shrug. "Meh, close enough."
"No, you weren't close. Like, at all."
"Well, maybe I just have lower standards than you!"
"I think you mean 'no standards.'"
"That too," I laugh. Before the growing silence between us gets awkward, I think of something to break it with. "You seem way different than you did at the meet and greet," I observe.
He nods. "Yeah. It's that 'star struck' thing you were talking about. People usually don't know how to have a conversation with us, so sometimes people use that for fun, like Misha, and sometimes they just roll with it, like Mark." It takes me a moment to realize he means Crowley. "I try to avoid it by basically scripting out the whole conversation, and usually people are more than willing to oblige."
"But not me," I say. "Because I'm special!"
He chuckles. "Yeah, you're special alright."
I don't have time to respond before the bunker door opens. I look around the room to see if it appears people are expecting someone, but judging by Jared and Jensen holding knives and Gabriel and Misha with their hands on their angel blades, I'm assuming not.
In an unmistakable Scottish accent, the intruder says loudly, "Are you having a party without me?" I see the boys putting their weapons away, and Rowena enters the room. No, not Rowena. Ruth, I think.
"We were," Mark says. "It was great."
Ruth laughs as she enters our view, wearing a long dark blue dress. I wonder why she always wears dresses that cover her entire body. I noticed it on the show, too.
"Ah, Lucifer, always a charmer." She looks at him. "Or Not Lucifer."
"You do realize I have a name, right?" Mark says.
"Of course, Not Lucifer."
Mark rolls his eyes. "Fine, whatever, witch."
Ruth looks at me. "And who are you?"
"I'm Bailey," I reply, getting tired of introducing myself so much. "Some demon wants to kill me so I'm crashing with these guys."
"You sound oddly relaxed."
I shrug. "You get used to it."
She nods. "That you do." She struts over to Rob. I guess her shameless flirting for power doesn't end in the show. "Hey Rob."
"How did you find us?" he asks tiredly.
""I have my ways," she says mysteriously. "Crowley," she gives him a small nod by way of hello.
"I'm out," he replies, and walks away. He doesn't seem to have an idea of where to go until he's already walking away, and he decides to join Mark and me.
"I take it you two aren't the best of friends," I observe.
"No one is friends with Ruth," he replies. "Well, Rob is. And Richard and Gabriel can tolerate her. But other than that, no one likes Ruth."
"She can't be that bad," I protest.
"She is."
"I second this," Mark says.
I shrug. "Whatever."
I'm not sure what to think of her yet. After all, everyone hates Lucifer, but if I had to hang out with anyone I've met in the last 24 hours, I would choose him, hands down. Maybe Ruth is the same thing. I haven't really heard her enough to form an opinion.
"So, what are you two talking about?" Crowley asks.
"Uh... What were we talking about?" I ask Mark.
"Um... Magical ponies flying through the sky?" he suggests.
"On a magical journey 'til the end of time!" I add.
"Shoot it down!" Crowley says.
"You guys know ASDF?" I say in shock. I wouldn't think they'd have time to watch YouTube between hunting and filming.
"I love TomSka!" Mark says. "You know what else I like? Trains."
"Ugh, I hate trains," Crowley says. "That kid has clearly never been on a a train. They're horrible!"
"I bet you're fun at parties," I say sarcastically.
"I am the most fun at parties!"
"He's really not," Mark stage whispers.
"I heard that!"
"You were supposed to!"
"Considering we aren't going to a party," I say, "I don't think we need to discuss who is the most fun at them."
"Can we have a party?" Mark asks.
"No we can't have a party!" Crowley snaps.
"You're no fun," Mark pouts.
"I am the most fun!"
"Alright!" I interrupt. "We don't need to go through this again!"
"Now who isn't fun at parties," Crowley mutters.
"Not cool, bro. Not cool."
Mark and Crowley both laugh. "Bro?" they repeat simultaneously.
"Yeah, bro," I say. "You got a problem with that, bro?"
Crowley raises his hands in surrender. "No, no problem."
"Good."I try to say it sternly, but I can't help but smile, totally ruining the effect.
"So, who's your favorite character on Supernatural?" Crowley asks me.
"Um..." How do I answer this in front of characters from Supernatural? I feel like I can't not say Crowley, because he's right here, but he's definitely not my favorite. I also feel like I can't pick my actual favorite character, Lucifer, because everyone else hates Lucifer, plus it would kind of be choosing Mark over Crowley. I have a whole list of favorite characters, most of which happen to be in this room right now, and Crowley is actually pretty low on the favoritism scale, while still maintaining his status as one of my favorites. "My favorite character has to be the Impala," I finish finally.
"What?" both Marks say at once.
"How is the Impala your favorite character?" Crowley demands.
"It doesn't even do anything!" Mark says.
"I'm way better than the Impala!" Crowley adds.
"The Impala, like, isn't even a character!" Mark says.
"Hey!" Jensen yells across the room. "The Impala is a character!"
"No, it's not!" Crowley yells back.
"Dude, it doesn't do anything!" Mark adds.
"It's got more screen time than you!" Jensen says.
"At least I get to talk!"
"The Impala got to talk!" Gabriel joins the shouting match. "I made Sam talk through it!"
"Dammit Gabriel, you're not helping!"
"Why are we arguing about a stupid car?" Ruth asks, not shouting like the others, but still speaking loud enough we can all hear her.
"Baby is not stupid!" Jensen yells.
"Impala for President 2k16!" I shout.
"Yes!" Jensen agrees enthusiastically.
"No!" Mark, Crowley and Gabriel all shout.
"If you guys don't shut up, I will throw a chair at you!" Jared yells.
"Bring it on!" Gabriel shouts at him. Jared walks over to the table, picks up a chair, and hurls it as hard as he can at his friend. It seems like it's going to hit him until it suddenly flies backward, landing neatly at the table.
"You can't get me!" Gabriel taunts him.
Jared runs at him and tackles him easily. They wrestle on the floor for a minute before I shout, "Sabriel is real!"
"No, not the shippers!" Misha cries in mock horror.
"Cockles is real!" Mark shouts.
"Destiel is real!" Misha shouts back.
"Jensen's cheating on you with the other you!" I tell him loudly.
"Noooooo!" Misha falls to his knees dramatically. "Jensen, why?"
"I'm sorry Mish Mish!" Jensen shouts. Then, at a normal volume, "I think? I don't really know what's going on."
"Me neither," I admit.
"Same," Mark says.
"Yeah, no clue," Misha laughs.
"I gave up trying to follow this a while ago," Crowley says.
"Yo, Sabriel," Misha shouts. "Sorry to interrupt your love for each other, but we're past the chair thing now."
Jared stands up quickly, embarrassed, but Gabriel flops on his back and starts cracking up.
"This is why I left you all alone," Rob says, shaking his head with fake disappointment.
"Shouldn't it be Jabriel?" Ruth asks. "You're not Sam, you're Jared."
"The fans know it as Sabriel, so it shall forever be Sabriel!" Misha announces.
"Like Destiel instead of Jestiel," Mark adds.
"So, basically, moral of the story is don't name your kid something that starts with 'J' because it makes the worst ship names ever," Crowley says.
"Basically," Misha says. "Naw the something that ends with A so it can be turned into Apocalypse very easily."
"Mishapocalypse!" Jensen shouts.
"The Mishapocalypse is not dead!" I add.
"The Mishapocalypse is very dead!" Ruth protests.
"Just like your sense of humor," Crowley replies.
"And my ears," she adds.
"Sorry about that," I say.
"Only not really," Mark adds.
"Shut up, Not Lucifer."
"Back at ya, witch."
"Hey!" Rob interrupts. "No fighting!"
Crowley leans down and says to me quietly, "Notice how they, valuing their lives, don't tell him to shut up. That's because they are not idiots."
"How sad," I reply. "The idiots are my people."
"Probably not something to brag about," he tells me.
"But it's the truth."
Crowley shrugs. "Whatever."
If I was expecting Ruth to leave soon, I was mistaken. A few hours later, it's dinner time, and she's still with us. Rob leaves to "find something to eat," but I think it's because he can't spend so much time with Ruth without a break. With him gone, Ruth has no one to chat with, so she comes over to my group. The Marks subtly shift away from us, leaving me alone with her. I have to admire the "everyone has someone to talk to" dynamic of the group. It works great, especially because I'm the outsider of the group, but I don't have to stand in a corner feeling awkward. It's like I'm really part of the group.
"You seem to be getting along great," Ruth observes.
I shrug. "Everyone's been so nice, it's hard not to."
"Everyone's nice?" She scoffs. "The only decent people here are Rob, Rich, and Gabriel."
"Can't agree with you on that one," I tell her.
"Really? Have you even met everyone?"
I nod. "Yep."
"Are you forgetting Lucifer?" She asks like she has no doubt I have, like there's no way anyone could tolerate him.
"No, I've met Lucifer."
"He's not included in the 'everyone's been to nice,' right?"
"Lucifer is far from my least favorite person here," I tell her.
"I'm confused," she says. "Do you like Lucifer?"
I shrug. "Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I?"
"Well because... No one likes Lucifer!" she says finally.
"Gabriel likes Lucifer."
She laughs. "You really are clueless, aren't you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Gabriel doesn't like Lucifer. He tolerates Lucifer, sure, but that's because they're brothers. Gabriel is the peaceful one of his family-I know its hard to believe, with the Trickster alias, but he is. He's nice to Lucifer because he's family, but he doesn't like Lucifer at all. If Lucifer had been a demon, he would have been dead already, I guarantee it."
I think back to when Rob went all-out God power on Lucifer. Gabriel seemed to care then, and not as if it were some random person. Maybe she's right and he would be dead if he was a demon, but only because he wouldn't have been given a chance to prove himself. She can't be right that no one really likes Lucifer, though, right?
"Well," I say finally. "Maybe you're right. Maybe no be does like Lucifer. But I don't think he's that bad, so for the time being, he has someone on his side."
She shakes her head in disappointment. "If that's what you wish, I suppose I can't change your mind, but believe me when I tell you, you do not want to side with Lucifer."
I recall Gabriel giving me a similar warning, and honestly, I still don't get it. He seems like a great guy in my opinion, but maybe I'm missing something. After all, I did just meet him yesterday.
"Moving on from Lucifer topic," I say, "what brings you to the bunker?"
"Pure boredom. There are only so many small spells you can do before you end up with ones for world domination."
"So you're really a witch?"
"Of course," she answers, sounding puzzled. "Why would you think otherwise?"
I shrug. "Just trying to figure out what from the show is true, and what isn't."
She nods sympathetically. "I know the feeling. That was me not too long ago. If you've got any questions, feel free to ask. I probably have the answer."
"How many apocalypses have their been recently?"
"Um..." She counts on her fingers as she lists them off. "Depends on your definition of apocalypse. There was the thing with Lilith, the thing with Ruby-it was bigger in real life than the show, and same with the Croatoan virus, then there was the near-apocalypse with Lucifer, the Cas is God thing, the Leviathan, Eve, the Darkness..." She seems to be trying to think of more, as if the 8 aren't enough.
"Holy crap that's a lot of apocalypses!" I laugh.
"That's not even half of them," she says. "There have been way too many in the past couple years. I'm talking, like, three of four every year. It's insane."
"Wow," I say, not sure what else I can say to that. How have I missed so many apocalypses? How is that even possible?
"Try paying more attention to to the news. Maybe you'll see a couple more," Ruth suggests.
"I'd actually prefer to live in ignorance of the world ending, you know? It's not like I could stop it if I knew about it anyway."
She shrugs. "Fair enough."
We chat for another few minutes, and I can't understand why the others don't like her. She's not the funniest person in the room, but she's not a bad person. Honestly, I don't understand how these people decide who they like and who they don't. It seems to me that Rob and Cas should be people's least favorites, but people seem to like them, and no one seems to like people that I think are fine.
Rob comes back with food, and we eat together, our conversation somehow going from demons to math to the three headed animal from Harry Potter. How this happened I will never understand-why were we talking about math? No one likes math. Well, most people don't like math. Smart people might like math, but for us average folk, it's horrible. I guess that explains why Jared doesn't mind it.
That's how my day ends; I chat with the rest of the group-or they chat and I just sit there awkwardly and listen-until I decide to go to bed because I'm exhausted. It's amazing how tiring doing nothing all day is. I have never been so thankful for such an uncomfortable bed.