Supernatural in Real Life

Chapter 3

When I wake up, I forget where I am for a second. With the bare cream walls, the room looks almost like mine. Then it all comes flooding back to me. The meet and greet, the angels and demons, and the Men of Letters bunker. I want to stay in bed forever, but I doubt that would go over well with the others. I feel around on the floor for my watch, and when I find it, I press the glow button to see what time it is. Even though it's upside down, I see that it's already 9:00 am. I should probably get up.
I smell it as soon as I open my door. Pancakes; my favorite food. I follow the scent, not remembering otherwise how to get back to the main room. I finally find it, and see everyone else it awake. J2M is sitting around the table chatting, Richard and Rob are sitting on the floor, and Crowley and Mark are sitting across the room, also on the floor. They all look up as I come in, and I'm amazed at their hearing.
"'Morning, sweetheart," Jensen greets me.
"I smell pancakes," I reply tiredly.
"In the kitchen," he says with a laugh.
I find the kitchen, and sure enough, there are two stacks of pancakes. One, I realize quickly, has normal pancakes, and one has chocolate chip pancakes. Obviously, I take the latter, because eating healthy just isn't really me. I return to the main room with 4 chocolate chip pancakes, and I plop down on the floor to eat them, not even bothering to walk over to the table. I didn't realize it until now, but because of the chaos of yesterday, I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday morning. I devour my pancakes, earning another laugh from Jensen.
"Not hungry, I see," he jokes.
"Not at all," I agree. "It's not like I haven't eaten in over 24 hours or anything."
"24 hours?" he repeats. "How did you survive?"
"That is a great question," I reply, and shove the rest of my pancakes in my mouth to go get more. Being the lazy person I am, I just stand next to the plates and eat them from there. I have a total of 10 pancakes-which are a pretty decent size, not like the mini ones people sell because those are just a joke-before I grab two more and join the group again, now that I can focus on something other than my growling stomach.
The morning is laid back. I eat my pancakes, Jensen and I trade jabs, and overall, it's pretty stress free. Sure, there's the fact that a demon apparently wants me dead, but we don't dwell on such minor (okay major) details this early in the morning.
Lunch was McDonalds because Misha didn't feel like cooking again. He felt like there was something-or someone-missing when he was cooking alone. A/N Cough Cough West Cough Cough McDonalds is easier anyway.
We all eat lunch at the table, so there's no escape when Jared brings up research again. I notice Crowley and Jensen next to me are looking around for one as well, so at least I'm not alone.
It's Rob that answers him. "What is there to research? It's a demon. We have the knife. We have angel blades. We have an exorcism. The only thing we don't have is knowing where the demon is, and the lore isn't going to help us with that."
"Well, we can't just sit around all day and wait for another attack." Jared replies.
While they're arguing, and all of us are quietly hoping Rob will win, I turn to Jensen. "Was there another attack?" I ask.
He nods solemnly. "Yeah, before we met you. Another 'car crash," but the driver said he couldn't stop the car. It seemed like nothing until it happened two days later. And then a few days after that one. We're assuming the same demon possessing him was the one who possessed the driver of the other car in your crash."
"Were there any crashes after mine?" I ask.
"No," he replies. "Not yet, anyway.
"So you're basing all this off of a few car accidents that may or may not be just a coincidence?"
"There are two things I've learned in my time as a hunter," he says. "Accidents don't happen accidentally, and coincidences don't just happen coincidentally."
"So if you knock a plate of the table by accident, it wasn't really an accident is what you're telling me."
"Well, no, but..." he doesn't seem to have a response to that, and I silently pride myself on my ability to render people speechless.
"So why are we sitting here discussing lore that probably won't help us at all when we could be searching for links between the victims. I mean, I'm right here. This is one thing that I will be able to help with."
He nods in agreement. "Why haven't we done this yet?" he asks no one in particular before repeating my idea to the rest of the group.
"Have we really not done that?" Misha asks.
"Nope," Jared replies. "Because we're idiots."
I laugh as Jared gets up and starts to go down one of the halls before he stops and turns around. "This isn't our bunker; I don't have my papers."
"Gabriel says he'll get them," Richard says.
"Hey Cas, can you get my papers?" Jared asks immediately afterwards. I guess Lucifer isn't the only one they don't trust for important things.
Misha straightens up immediately, showing Cas has taken over. He poofs out, and returns a few seconds later with a folder. He slouches again, and Misha's back.
"Cas said he would stick around but he was in the middle of a show," Misha tells us as he hands Jared the papers.
"What's he watching?" Richard asks.
"Leverage."
"That's a great show," Crowley says. "Seriously, great. Especially that one guy, Jim Sterling? Ugh, he's amazing."
Everyone rolls their eyes. Even I know that Sterling is played by Mark Shepperd, AKA him, for those that forgot.
"Anyway," Jared says loudly, reminding us that we have actual work to do. "Bailey, so you recognize any of these people?" He pulls out three pictures, giving a name and their home state as he shows them to me. None of the live nearby, and I've never heard of any of them.
"Well, that's a bust," Crowley says as he leans back in his chair and puts his hands on his head. He looks like he's tanning at the beach in one of those recliner chairs.
"It was worth a shot," Misha replies, giving me a small smile, as if trying to convince me that I didn't just waste their time. I did, and I will admit that, but if I hadn't brought it up, they'd probably either still be arguing over whether the lore will help-it won't, because it's just a demon-or we'd just be sitting here doing nothing. Worst case scenario would be that Jared won and we'd be stuck with the books again, but that's not likely.
"Have you asked the other victims?" I ask.
"We could," Jensen says, "but I don't think we'd get much of an answer from them."
"They all died, didn't they?" I ask.
"Yes they did," Jensen replies. "But you didn't die, and we're going to make sure you don't."
I know that having a demon crash your car is pretty bad. I mean, it registered on my goodness scale as a bad thing. I may not have really panicked, because it didn't seem like there was much of a reason, but it is a bad thing. Knowing there's a demon out there that might still want you dead, though, is a whole new level bad, and I won't lie; I really am beginning to freak out. I just hope it isn't visible to the others. I came into this new world appearing unconcerned, and that's how I will stay.
"Well, back to square one," Mark says. "What do we do now?"
"I think we just wait," Jared says finally. I'm beginning to realize that Jared is basically in charge of this investigation. He seems like he fits the roll well, but my view on him is mostly based off the show.
"What, exactly, are we waiting for?" Richard asks.
"That is an excellent question," Jared says.
We all sit in silence, as if expecting the thing we're waiting for is going to magically appear in front of us right now, possibly in the form of a letter tied to a rock flying through a wall.
"Alright, I'm bored," Richard says after a few seconds. "This waiting thing isn't really working out for me.
"Same," Mark says.
"Can we, like, do something while we wait?" I ask.
"Preferably something fun and not at all productive," Jensen adds.
Crowley turns to me and holds out a fist. Silently, I agree to play, and I win every time. Rock Paper Scissors, not a fist fight, just to clarify. I guarantee you I would not beat a demon in a fight.
"You know," I say, "if you stop rotating the same way, maybe it wouldn't be so easy to guess."
"What?"
"Try again," I say, and as he throws his move, I say what he's going to do. "Paper. Scissor. Rock. Paper. Scissor. Rock. Paper."
"Ah, I get it," he says finally.
"Well, as fun as watching Mark lose Rock Paper Scissors is," the other Mark says, "It's not really helping with this whole boredom thing. New plan?"
I put one hand up and one hand down. Crowley looks at me in confusion, clearly not knowing this game. Jensen taps my shoulder and does the same as me.
"Concentration... Sixty four... No repeats... Or hesitation... You go first... I'll go second... Category is...?" Jensen looks at me expectantly.
"Characters from Supernatural," I say, causing Jensen to roll his eyes.
The characters go like this: Sam, Dean, Gabriel, Cas, Crowley, Chuck, Lucifer-which Jensen makes a face at-Rowena, Ruby, Bobby, Meg, Dick Joke Roman, Edgar, Lilith, Azazel, Ellen, Jo, Ash, John, Mary, Jess, Kevin, Gadreel, Zachariah, Uriel-I get some impressed looks at remembering him- Jody, Claire, Anna, Hannah, Amara, Joshua from the garden, Rufus, Charlie, Balthazar, and Nick, Lucifer's vessel, which is when Jensen runs out of names.
"I still had so many more characters," I say. "Alex, Benny, Cain, a lot of people."
"You realize only 10 of them are still alive in the show," Mark observes.
"How many did we name?" I ask.
"35," Misha replies. "Well, 37 counting your last two, but then 11 of them are alive."
"You can't just assume Joshua is alive," Richard says. "Cas did go on his killing spree when he became God. Maybe he got to Joshua."
"I hope not," Misha says. "I kinda liked Joshua. I don't want to kill him!"
"Technically, Cas would have, but you killed Balthazar," I remind him. "Everyone loves Balthazar. Lucifer killed Gabriel, and everyone loved Gabriel, too. Basically, fallen angels kill our favorite characters to become our new favorite characters before our old favorite characters kill them and become the only characters left."
"That is a very accurate description of the show," Jensen agrees.
"Well, now that we've played Rock Paper Scissors and that namey game," Richard says, "now what do we do?"
"What do you guys usually do when you have free time?" I ask.
"We usually don't have free time," Rob says. "We're usually on a case or filming. Sometimes both. Or meeting fans. We do that too."
"Well, that's helpful," I say sarcastically.
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger."
"I'll shoot whoever the hell I want to shoot."
"Note to self: don't give Bailey a gun," Richard says. We all laugh slightly, just because there's nothing to do, not because it's very funny.
"So..." I say.
"So..." Jensen replies.
"So..." Misha repeats mockingly.
"Beating up Misha, that's something to do," Jensen says.
"And I'm the one you're worried about?" I say with a laugh.
"I'm out," Misha announces and quickly jumps out of his chair and takes off down a hallway. He returns a few moments later, showing he did it for laughs.
"Do we have any food?" I ask. "Like, chocolate, or ice cream maybe?"
"No one's been in a Men of Letters bunker in years. What do you think?"
"You guys made pancakes! I figured it was worth a shot."
"Want one of the angels to poof you to a store so you can get your sugar fix?" Jensen asks.
"Depends on whether said angel and vessel are as bored as me."
Misha volunteers Cas, and, as happy as I am to get my food, I'm kind of disappointed that it's Cas. I was hoping Lucifer would come, but I wouldn't have minded Gabriel either. Basically anyone but Cas, because after yesterday, I don't think we're going to get along. Not wanting to make sure of this, I agree, and Misha takes a figurative step back and puts Cas in control.
"Where exactly am I going?" he asks in his deep voice. I wonder briefly why he speaks in such a low voice when Misha doesn't.
"Somewhere with ice cream or chocolate," Richard tells him.
Without answering, he puts his hand on my forehead, and suddenly we appear in an almost empty grocery store.
I don't know what to say, or if I should say anything at all. Had it been either of the other angles, I probably would have said "Thank you," but since it's Cas, I feel like it would be awkward. I don't know why. Instead, I just walk around, trying to find candy. It shouldn't be that hard-there's only about a month until Halloween. As I suspected, there's an entire row of shelves dedicated to Halloween candy. I look at all my options, feeling extremely overwhelmed.
I don't hear Cas approach, so when he speaks from right behind me, I jump.
"Hello," he says.
"Uh... Hi."
He doesn't say anything after that, but having him so close is really starting to freak me out. I don't care how cute he is, I don't want an angel breathing down my neck. I quickly grab a bag of Skittles and Starbursts, and a bag of various chocolate bars.
"Ready?" he asks.
"We haven't payed yet," I remind him.
"Money is just an idea that having more little pieces of paper makes you better than someone else. I do not feel the need to contribute to such a harsh, selfish system."
"You're just going to poof out of here with the candy and not pay?"
He nods. "Yes."
I know that Castiel is clueless about humanity, but this is a bit more ignorant than I expected.
"Cas, you have to pay. That's the thing difference between buying something and stealing something. Seriously, ask Misha. I'm sure he agrees with me."
Cas is silent for a moment, then says, "Okay."
I head to the freezer area of the store and pick up some vanilla ice cream to try with the Skittles, mostly because even if it tasted horrible, it will look beautiful.
"Bailey," he says hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry for yesterday," he says quietly.
"It's fine, don't worry about it."
"No, it's not fine. I should have just let you try to help. It is you we're trying to protect after all. You should have the opportunity to be as involved as the rest of us. I just know that Jensen gets attached to people really easily, even if he doesn't show it, and if something were to happen to you, he would blame himself for not always being there. If you still want to help out, I won't stop you, but please, just... Don't die, okay?"
"I'll try," I say. "Why Jensen, though?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why just Jensen?" I ask. Cas looks down as if slightly embarrassed. "What about the others? What about Misha, your vessel? Or your brothers, Gabriel and Lucifer?"
Cas' face falls at the mention of the oldest of the brothers. "I do not care what Lucifer thinks. If I had my way, he would have been sent back to Hell a long time ago."
That last sentence is harsher than anything else he could have said, and I'm sure he knows it.
"Why do you hate him? You're family," I say.
"Family doesn't end in blood," he says, quoting Bobby Singer from the show, "but it doesn't begin there either. I will never call Lucifer family."
"Alright," I say finally. "It's none of my business anyway. Let's go check out."
"Check out?" he repeats in confusion.
"Pay," I clarify, attempting to hide my amusement at his lack of normal human knowledge.
"Right. Of course," he replies. "I'm just going to let Misha take care of that."
I try not to laugh, but when Misha returns, he starts cracking up, and I can't help but join him.
"Okay, come on," he waves me on as he walks toward the register, still laughing. He pays for the food, which I thank him for, since I'm the one that wanted it.
"You're the one who got Cas to agree to pay in the first place," he reminds me, acting like its a great feat. "You deserve it."
Cas zaps me back to the bunker, where the others have dispersed into separate areas of the room. I'm beginning to realize there are groups within this group; J2 (J2M if Misha had stayed), the Kings of Con Richard and Rob, and the Marks. It's nice for them to organize themselves into groups I can nickname easily, because the names already exist. Now what I have to figure out is where I fit into this.
I plop the food on the table, and immediately Jensen is next to me.
"Any pie?" he asks.
"No, sorry," I reply. "Just ice cream and candy."
"But... Pie!"
I rip open the bag with the Skittles and Starbursts in it and grab the former before plopping down on the floor. Jensen takes s handful of candies and sits down next to me.
Sitting crisscross on the floor makes me feel like a child, but Jensen somehow makes it look cool.
"I haven't had Skittles in so long!" Jensen says.
"I haven't had skittles in a week!" I reply. "It's been too long!"
"Skittles every week? I wish I could do that."
"Why can't you?"
"You think this just happens naturally?" he asks, flexing his muscles. "Seriously though, the producers are pretty harsh, at least for me and Jared, on that type of thing. Which is why you are not going to tell them you just brought a giant thing of candy into the bunker."
"Speaking of the bunker," I say, "why are we in the Massachusetts bunker instead of your normal bunker, which I'm assuming is in Canada where you film? Can't the angels just zap us there? I mean, there are three angels and three humans. And Rob and Crowley, but I'm assuming they can just poof over there too."
"Technically there are six humans, but basically, we don't want Lucifer popping in here and messing everything up, which he can't do if he doesn't know where we are."
"Does he do that a lot?" I ask.
Jensen shrugs. "No clue. Jared's the one that keeps track of this kind of stuff. I just sit here and look pretty."
I laugh. "Best job ever," I reply, but I'm mostly focused on the fact that even though they don't trust Lucifer, he doesn't actually majorly mess everything up a lot, because if he, say, blew up the bunker with soda and Mentos, or threw a bunch of starving lions in it, I'm sure Jensen would have known that.
"So, you enjoy your stay at the Supernatural hotel?" he asks.
"I got Skittles," I say. "I love it!"
"Really, it's the Skittles? What about me?" he asks in mock hurt.
"Um, yeah. Totally. Definitely here for you, Jensen."
"Really?"
"No."
He pretends to be offended, but then he laughs. "I don't blame you. You're definitely the most sane person in the room."
"Trust me, I'm far from sane," I tell him. He doesn't realize this because I've just met him, but I'm probably the weirdest person you'll ever meet when I'm with people I know.
"Then you should have no problem fitting in here!"
It's a nice idea, but I know it's not true. J2 have been friends for years, and everyone else is some celestial being, which I'm sure creates some type of magic bond. I'm just some random girl who probably won't stay for a week. It doesn't really fit with the dynamic here.
This is basically my day. I drift around through the groups, trying to find who's not like me, but unfortunately, I don't have much hope. They're all nice, and I don't mind hanging out with them, but I can't shake the feeling they would rather be with their other friends. The only one I feel like actually didn't mind was Jensen. After all, he was the one who came over to me, and the conversation just seemed to flow naturally. Unfortunately, the conversation ended when Jared called him over to do something, which is when I realized just how rusty my people skills actually are. Wink wink ;)
"Ay, Bailey!" I hear a voice from behind me. I know whose voice it is immediately, but even when I turn around I'm not sure who said it.
"Who... Who am I looking at right now?" I ask. "I don't want to insult Mark by saying he seems like the devil, but I also don't think Mark would have come over here, so I'm going to go it's Lucifer."
"I, uh... I think you mixed up a couple words in there," possible Lucifer says.
"What?"
"I think you meant compliment Mark by saying he seems like the devil."
"Um, yeah, totally," I say, purposely making it sound fake.
"That's why I thought," he replies.
"What's up, Lucifer?" I ask.
"Well, there's the ceiling, the sky, the clouds..."
"Really? Dad jokes?" I reply, pretending that I'm unamused. "I thought you were better than that."
"My standards ain't that high," he replies with a grin.
"So, what's figuratively up, Lucifer?"
"Nothing. Literally nothing is happening. It's so boring!"
"I know!" I agree. "But I'm pretty used to it. My life can't be as busy as a group of Supernatural hunter people."
"Supernatural hunter people?" he repeats. "That's a great name. A-plus for you!"
"I don't care that was sarcasm. I'll take any A I can get!"
"I'm guessing you didn't do well in school then," he replies.
"Or maybe I did too well and I'm an overachiever that wants all A-pluses all the time," I counter.
"Touché."
"You say touché?" I laugh.
"Yes I do say touché. Do you have a problem with my touché-ing? Is there a rule against me touché-ing? No, no there isn't. So I shall continue to touché until I can no longer touché, and you can't do anything to stop my touchés."
"Touché," I laugh.
"Well, I'm glad we've gotten the touchés out of the way."
"Touché."
"I don't think that works in the conversation," Lucifer says. "Like, I don't think it fits grammatically."
"Well, sorry Mr. Grammar Nazi."
"I'll take it," he replies. "I've been called worse."
The last part of that causes the conversation to fizzle out, so I quickly try to revive it, even though I have nothing to say.
"So, what are you doing over here?" I ask. "Shouldn't you be hiding from Cas and Gabriel?"
"Why would I hide from Gabriel?" he asks.
"I just kind of assumed he'd tell you to get lost like Cas does. He did yesterday."
"Castiel thinks that he is the boss of everyone, and wrongfully so. I do not fear my little brother. He may be a pest, but he's nothing more than that. Gabriel, always being the peacemaking one, however sassy he is about it, was just stepping in so I didn't have to deal with him."
I guess the hatred Cas has for Lucifer is mutual. The thing that gets me is how Lucifer's speech goes from normal, twenty first century dialogue when he's having fun to early English when he's passionate about something, almost as if he forgets it's no longer the beginning of time. It's possible, or even likely, that's the case. He spent thousands of years in Hell while the earth was changing, and languages along with it. If the show is accurate, he hasn't been out very long. He probably hasn't completely adjusted to this new world. Maybe talking about those that were formerly his closest friends brings him back to that time. He did say "sassy" though, which doesn't really fit with the rest of his words.
"Damn," I say. "I'm sorry I asked."
"Sorry," he says. "Didn't mean to turn this into a 'my family sucks' moment."
"It's fine. I started it."
"Ooh, what did you start?" The body of Richard appears in front of me, but I didn't see him come over here, so I'm assuming it's Gabriel, not Richard, disrupting our fairly depressing conversation.
"I started the apocalypse," I reply, trying to remove any hint at a joke from my voice.
"We've all done that before."
"You've never started the apocalypse. Usually it's Sam, Dean, or Cas. Or Jared and Jensen, I guess."
"But the show also says I'm dead," he reminds me. "And as far as I can tell, I'm pretty much alive."
I laugh. "But have you started the apocalypse before?"
"Oh, yeah," he says like it should he obvious. "A couple of times. Literally all of us have, actually. You have no idea who many apocalypses you've lived through without even realizing it."
"Hey, I haven't started an apocalypse!" Lucifer interrupts, sounding offended.
"Yes you have!" Gabriel says. "You-you-Have you really never started the apocalypse?"
"Nope! I've got a record of no apocalypses started!"
"To be fair, you've never stopped an apocalypse either."
He shrugs. "True."
"Hey, new kid here," I remind them. "Didn't you start the apocalypse when you got out of Hell?"
He frowns. "See, that's why everyone thinks I'm a jerk. That never happened. Yes, Lilith did break the 66 deals and get me out of hell, and I've basically just been traveling the world ever since."
"So you never had the urge to, I don't know, get revenge or something?" I ask incredulously.
"No, I did," he admits. "I had every intention of making you humans turn on each other, and it would have been so simple, you have no idea. Mess with one powerful person, frame another, pretty soon you've got World War III on your hands, and I could sit back and watch the world burn."
"Why didn't you?" I ask.
"Because of this wacko," he replies, looking down affectionately at his little brother.
"I'm confused," I say. "Shouldn't you have wanted to kill him too?" Since they were together at the beginning of time, obviously Gabriel either let him get sent away or didn't try hard enough to stop it.
"I did want to kill him," he admits. "And I tried to kill him."
"Had an angel blade to my throat and everything," Gabriel adds.
Lucifer chuckles as if talking about a nice Christmas dinner instead of almost killing his brother. "Yeah. But he begged me to stop, and I did, and we talked, and then I didn't feel like killing him anymore! So, basically, Gabriel singlehandedly averted the apocalypse within 10 minutes."
"But if you had killed me, the others would have stopped you. They always do," Gabriel says.
"Dude, they had just met their first angel, like, a year before. And that was freaking Castiel. If I can take on the best angel in the garrison within 2 minutes, I think I can kill two humans and a wannabe angel that can't follow simple orders."
"That was rude and uncalled for," I say.
"It's true," he replies. "If I had my way, the whole world would be gone by now. If the boys had just agreed to be vessels, only, say, 100 million people would have died. All it would have cost were Jared and Jensen, but lover boy over there couldn't bare to lose his boyfriend, so he made sure that didn't happen. Had Gabriel not stepped in, and the boys hadn't thought to throw us in the cage, Castiel would be the reason everyone was dead, and that's just a fact."
"And that's my cue to leave," Gabriel says. "See ya later, bro. Bailey." He tips an imaginary fedora at me before walking over to Crowley and Rob.
"What's his cue to leave?" I ask in confusion.
"Castiel," he replies. "Gabriel has always been close with our little brother, God knows why. He leaves every time I bring him up."
I nod to show I'm listening, but I don't really have a response for that. I have to admit, it makes me admire Gabriel more. He's loyal to both his brothers. Always the peacemaker, I remember.
From across the room, Misha says loudly, "Cas wants to remind you he can hear everything you're saying," in our direction.
"And I want to remind Castiel that I don't care," Lucifer replies, just as loud.
I sigh. "Don't start anything," I say quietly to him.
"It's not worth it," I hear Gabriel say to Misha, and I assume it's directed at Cas.
Suddenly Misha's posture changes, and he's replaced by Castiel.
"Heya, Castiel," Lucifer says, not sincere at all. "Nice of you to join us."
"Of course." He seems to be about to continue when Gabriel interrupts, stepping between them.
"Alright, that's enough."
"Shut up Gabriel," both the other angels say at once.
"Hey," Rob says unenthusiastically. "Leave your brother alone."
"You can shut up too," Lucifer says.
Suddenly the dynamic of the room changes. Everyone looks at Rob expectantly, and I can tell that it was not the right thing to do.
"What did you just say?" he demands.
"Are you deaf, or...?"
Rob sighs. "You're a serious pain sometimes," he says, and suddenly Lucifer falls to the floor and screams out in pain. I can't tell what happened to him. Nothing changed. Gabriel is the one that makes it obvious.
"Rob, stop it!" he cries as he rushes to his fallen brother's side, only to be flung at the wall next to me. He struggles to move, but he appears to be stuck.
"Stay out of this, Gabriel."
"What are you doing to him?" I ask.
"Teaching him some respect," Rob answers. "Human parents spank their children. Although my angels don't call me their father, I am their maker, so really I'm just doing my job."
I look down at Lucifer, curled up in a ball, all his muscles tensed, and I can tell he's doing all he can do to keep from crying out again.
"How is this 'doing your job'" I demand.
Lucifer opens his mouth as if to say something, but instead ends up coughing up blood.
"I can't... I can't tell what you're saying," Gabriel says loudly, watching his brother. "What? What are you trying to...? Tell... Tell who to... Rob? No? Okay, um... Oh, Bailey?" He looks over at me. "Lucifer says to stop wasting your breath. Well, he said stop, but I'm assuming that's what he meant. At least I think that's what he said. He might be telling me about cat videos on YouTube for all I know."
"Why can't you hear him?" I ask. "Don't you guys use Angel Radio all the time?" I look up at Gabriel, because I can't stand to watch Lucifer anymore.
"Lucifer's strong, but he's not immune to pain. He may look bad on the outside, but he's screaming on the inside. Rob has no mercy."
"He won't hurt Mark," Crowley calls. "Just-" suddenly he's silenced, and I know it's Rob.
"What did he mean?" I ask Gabriel.
"He's telling Lucifer to let Mark take this so Rob will stop. Lucifer won't do that, though, because he wouldn't hurt Mark. As much as they fight, Lucifer wouldn't do that to him."
I look around the room. Jared and Jensen are both talking, which I assume is because they can't watch like me. Crowley looks pissed that he can't talk, which is understandable. Cas is just watching, but I can see him becoming sort of nervous as time passes. Gabriel is watching Rob, waiting for him to stop. Rob is just standing there, not seeming fazed by his angel lying on the floor coughing up blood.
Finally, Cas steps in. "Um, Rob?" he says hesitantly. "You should probably stop."
Rob looks at him and nods. He turns back to Lucifer and sighs. "You never learn, do you, Lucifer?" he asks, though clearly not directed at Lucifer. He releases Gabriel, who rushes to his brother's side.
"Hey, hey, Lucifer," he says. Lucifer lies on the floor, unmoving, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Gabriel quickly places the palm of his hand on Lucifer's forehead which I recognize from the show as healing him. "Hey, Luci, are you okay? Say something."
Lucifer opens his eyes, which are blood red, and overall he just looks like a mess. He coughs and looks up at his brother. His voice is hoarse as he says, "'Sup, little brother?" He attempts a smile.
"Oh, thank..." he trails off, not wanting to thank God. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm doing great. Never been better. Not like I was just brutally tortured or anything."
Gabriel gives him a small smile. "Sassy even after being 'brutally tortured,'" he says.
"It's a gift," Lucifer replies. He tries to push himself into a sitting position, but his arms give out. "I'm just gonna... Stay down here."
"Good plan," Gabriel agrees. "I healed your vessel, but that's all I could do. Sorry."
"It's fine," Lucifer says. "Thanks."
"How you doing?"
"Awesome," he replies. "Only thing I'd rather be doing now is everything."
"Could be worse," Gabriel reminds him. "You could be stuck in the cage."
"What do you mean 'worse'? I wouldn't mind being in the cage. Hell, I'd rather be in the cage than have to deal with this."
"That bad, huh?"
"At least then I knew what to expect."
By this point, everyone had gone back to doing whatever they were doing. Cas had left, leaving J2M chatting amongst themselves, and Crowley and Rob are talking as well, though Crowley doesn't seem as happy as the other group. I just stand against the wall awkwardly, the only person I'm able to have a decent conversation with out of commission.
Lucifer sits up slowly, and now towers over Gabriel. He shuts his eyes and rests his head in his hands. "Bad idea," he says. Gabriel puts his arm around his brother, stabilizing him.
"No way," Lucifer says randomly. It takes me a moment to realize that was directed at Mark. "Because I may be a dick, but I'm not a total dick. You don't-no, you don't. You really don't. Exactly! You have no idea-Okay, but I say no, so it doesn't really matter, now, does it? You do that."
Lucifer looks at an amused Gabriel. "And what are you fighting about this time?"
"What aren't we fighting about?"
Gabriel grins. "You sound better," he observes.
"Really? Because I don't feel it."
Gabriel frowns. "You will soon. I hope. Will you?"
"Eventually."
"Okay, but like, a couple minutes eventually, or like a couple months eventually?"
"No clue. I don't know what he did, but that was... That was harsh."
Gabriel nods solemnly. "Yeah, it looked it."
I notice Rob walking over to them before they do. He doesn't appear to be sorry, which both amazes and angers me. How can he do that and not care?
Gabriel looks up and nudges his brother. "Luci," he says quietly, gesturing slightly with his head. Lucifer looks in that direction and frowns.
"Don't," he says quietly.
Rob looks perplexed. "What?"
"I said 'don't,'" he repeats.
"Relax, Lucifer. I'm just going to-"
"No, you're not. You're not going to touch me ever again."
"Don't be ridiculous. You're not just going to suffer through this, are you?"
Lucifer chuckles weakly. "Right. Because you're so concerned about my wellbeing."
"I was just-"
"Teaching me respect?" Lucifer suggests. "No, you weren't. Respect isn't something you can teach. It's something you earn, and you haven't done a single thing to earn mine."
Rob sighs. "Fine. You want to deal with this, go right ahead. But don't say I didn't give you the chance."
Although he seemed supportive while Rob was present, when he leaves, Gabriel seems less than pleased.
"What was that for?" he asks incredulously.
"I'm done," he replies simply.
"Well, couldn't you be done after he healed you?"
Lucifer sighs. "It's not that simple. Rob thinks everything is okay as long as he can fix it after he messes it up. I'm not going to let him do that again. There are some things you can't fix with a simple touch to the forehead, and he needs to learn that."
"Luci, don't be an idiot. You-"
"You know what, Gabriel? Next time you feel like someone is literally burning your entire being just because you told them to shut up, you can go right on ahead and forgive them. I can't keep doing this, Gabriel," he says, his voice breaking.
"I'm not saying forgive him, I just mean-"
"I'm sorry. I can't do this, Gabriel."
"Lucifer? What-" he sighs. "Hi Mark."
"Hi? What did I miss?"
"Lucifer thinks he's too good for Rob and wouldn't let him heal him, so I told him he's an idiot and he bailed."
"He didn't let Rob heal him? Why the hell did he think that was a good idea?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Gabriel asks, sounding genuinely confused.
"He's not listening."
Gabriel frowns. "Typical. He said he wanted to teach Rob a lesson or something."
"Well, clearly he really wants to teach him this lesson."
"What do you mean?"
"He's not doing well," Mark says. "Why do you think he wanted to speak to you, instead of using Angel Radio, even though it's more work?"
Comprehension slowly dawns on his face. "Because he didn't want me to hear him screaming," Gabriel says. Mark nods. "He's really messed up, isn't he?"
"Big time. I can feel it." Mark stands up, and Gabriel joins him.
"And how do you feel?" Gabriel asks.
"My body feels great," Mark replies. "The angel in my head, on the other hand, is really messing me up. He should've known better than to talk back to Rob."
Gabriel nods. "But I'm sure this won't be the last time he does."
"I don't know," Mark says. "Rob's messed him up before, but never like this. I don't know if he's planning on talking to Rob ever again."
"He can't ignore Rob forever, can he?"
"I don't know, but I'm sure he's going to try."
Gabriel sighs. "I hope he comes back out soon."
"For his sake, I hope he does too."