My heart blog/diary

7th December '13 random update #1

(I wrote this last night)

Wasn't planning on writing this at all,, but while I'm writing this I'm at my Grandmas house and I can't sleep so I thought I'd be 'productive'.

The past few days (since about Wednesdayish) I've been having 'mini episodes' where my heart kinda goes irregular for a few beats, although it only lasts for a few seconds and I'm not really bothered about them. Thing is, I've not had them for ages and I think that it's one of the things that happens to me in the days before I have a big episode... And I'm currently doing pe so that won't help either. My mum had told me that I was to just not do it again this week but when it came to the lesson my teacher just came up to me and said 'you're doing the lesson today' quite abruptly. I guess we're only doing orienteering at the moment but the teachers make us run from each point so I hope that that doesn't trigger it. Thing is though.... 85% of me now actually wants me to have an episode.. I know how bad they are and I know how much I hate them but if I can get a diagnosis from a few minutes/hours of discomfort and exhaustion then surely that's okay?!

When I think about it though this past year I've been getting these mini heart things just before my big one so maybe getting a diagnosis or medication may be nearer than I think?

Only thing is, my mum hasn't talked to my head of year about if I have an episode then I need to call an ambulance and get an ECG and that I might have to leave in the ambulance too.. And also my drama group I've only just thought of that now but they don't know anything about me going for checks and tests and stuff..!

Just the thought of maybe knowing what it is that I go through for definite.. And also I wanna know what my bp is when I'm in an episode or what it goes up to because I'm sure it's quite high.

The other day me and my friends were talking about my heart, and then when I told them that technically I'm never going to be allowed to have strong caffeine content products like coke and lucosade they were shocked! On the 6th me and them went to see 'Frozen' the new Disney film in cinema for one of their birthdays! No ones ever too young for Disney :P it was actually 19 days before her birthday, but her bdays on Christmas Day exact so we couldn't do anything then and that day was the best day because one of her younger sisters who's disabled was in rest-bite so her mum could take us

Not heart related, but earlier I was watching Jessie J world stage MTV from this year that I recorded and I can't get over how amazing she is and how much of an awesome performer she is no matter how many times I watch her when she sings live, not a clue how I'll react when finally one day I get to be personally at a concert!

Holy f*** the telephone that's just outside my bedroom at my Grandmas just .went off for one ring while everything else was quiet and it scared me so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastly, I think I'm gonna update every week, wether I've got proper news or not; although if I do have proper news about my heart then I'll put 'heart news' or something as the chapter title.

So I guess cya!

Just re-read part of this now and sorry if it doesn't completely make sense, basically I meant that I'm experiencing mini-heart episodes that may be a sign that I'm going to have another big episode soon which I want but I don't at the same time! In my defence I did write this at about 2am!!!

~Jessie xx