Anything Goes

This is Awkward

The noise was deafening, especially tonight. I don’t know who the fuck was running the sound booth for this girly-boy band up on stage, but he ought to have his soundboard shoved up his ass. Good thing we weren’t here to listen to those posers play. I glared over at their curly blonde hair, bright red lipstick and sequined tights. Ugh. Made me want to puke all over this table. Chris and Izzy were sitting across from me, with Chris slyly sipping from a bottle under the table. Soon, we’d be up there, and we’d have it all.

I squirmed in my seat. This is awkward...what was I supposed to say Chris? The only time he’d ever met me, ever, is when I flipped on Izzy and threw my drink at him. Nice way to make a first impression. I wasn’t embarrassed at the time, but I was fucking feeling it now.

“God, their guitar player sucks.” Chris remarked, pointing at the one wearing his grandmother’s cardigan and ugly red lipstick. “I could shred circles around that pussy.”

“Well, shit, Chris, be humble why don’t you?” Izzy smirked, chewing on the lime wedge that came with his cocktail. I fidgeted in my seat. “And such language for a boy your age…”

“Oh fuck off, old man.” Chris elbowed Izzy. Glad to see THEY were having fun… Izzy looked across the table at me. I looked away quickly. 

“Hey, you ok, Axe? You’re quiet.”  Here we go…

“Oh...yeah.” I sipped my Long Island so I wouldn’t have to talk anymore. In case you haven’t noticed, Izz, I’m still kinda uncomfortable meeting new people...especially since I made a complete ass of myself the first time I MET them… “Just thinking is all…”

“I’m going for another round.” Izzy stood up, finishing off his drink. “Anyone want?”

“Sure.” I said before withdrawing back into my shell. Think of me what you will. This was a good idea at first, but now I just kinda want to go back to...wherever the fuck I was going to crash tonight. Well, I guess the least I could do was fucking apologize to Chris. He was fucking innocent in our little feud. I sighed, swallowing. I never was any good at this shit.

“Look, man… I’m sorry for what happened last time… I really am. I didn’t mean to get you mixed up in our shit too.” I said, staring at my right knee. This was like awaiting a court sentence. I shivered.

“Hey, it’s cool, man, no big.” Chris finished off his hidden beer. “I figured you two were just having it out or some shit. Shit happens. We’re good.” I looked up, surprised. Did he just say “we’re good”?

“For real?”

“Sure.” Chris shrugged.

“Thanks, man. I...appreciate it.”

“No problem.”    Silence. Man, why was this still so awkward?

And then Izzy came back. But it was still awkward. Fuck me.

“Yo. Hope everyone likes the margaritas here, because this pitcher was ten bucks.” Jesus. Whoever invented smalltalk needs to be slowly lowered into the Lake of Fire by their goddamn fingers. I clenched my arms nervously. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me... “Oh, hey, guess what?” No thanks, would rather not, Izzy…

“Ok. What?” Chris said.

“I finally made enough to afford my own place. It took for-fucking-ever, but I found this little apartment block off of Hollywood Blvd. It’s after that run-down convenience store where the guy can’t speak fucking English.” Izzy said proudly, downing his first margarita.

“Dude, nice. Does this mean we can rehearse at your place? Not that my parents are complaining or anything.” Chris said, stealing some of Izzy’s next one.

“Nah. My one neighbor has five kids and the other is from Greece or somewhere like that. She has a lot of cats, I saw them in the windows. Scruffy. Dude, don’t drink it all!” Izzy smacked Chris’s hand lightly. I felt like a third wheel. A broken third wheel. And my Long Island was nearing its end. Fuck. Izzy turned to me. Goddammit… “If you still need a place to crash, man, you can come live with me. Just help pay rent and shit, that’s all.”

“I can’t, man… I don’t have a job or anything. I haven’t really been here that long… I’ve been looking though.” I shrugged. Chris looked over.

“You know, I have a friend that works at Tower Video over on Sunset. She also bartends at my dad’s favorite restaurant. I think she’s a manager. She has purple hair and a lot of tattoos. Go talk to her. Maybe she can get you a job. In the meantime, I’m sure my parents won’t mind if you crash on my floor. They let me have Tracii over all the time, and he makes A LOT of noise.” I looked up.

“You’d...you’d really do that? For me?” I asked, stunned. This guy knew zero about me, and yet he was inviting me to stay with him? Shit, no wonder so many people got murdered or robbed out here.    

“Yeah. You’re a friend of Izzy’s and you’re fucking homeless, dude. It’s no big, really.” Chris said. “Just make our band work and we’ll be in business. He reached across the table and extended his hand. Hesitantly at first, I took it. He grinned, showing off his slightly imperfect teeth. I smiled back, for the first time all evening. But out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Izzy look slightly put-out. What’s that about?

“Thanks...both of you. I appreciate it. But, I have to grab my stuff from Spike’s. I never took it with me. I’ll see you back at your house, Chris.. Night, Izzy…” I said, desperately trying to leave the awkwardness behind.

“You got it. I live up in Laurel Canyon. 1131. Just be really quiet when you go in. I’ll still be up, I’m sure.” Chris said, sipping his third margarita. Izzy stood up when I did, and my heart skipped a beat. ...ok?

“Be careful, ok? This place is a shithole.” Izzy said quietly. Whoa...why the fuck does he look worried? Izzy doesn’t worry, EVER. Not about anything. What the hell is going on with him lately? It’s like he’s afraid I’m going to disappear or some shit!

And then the unthinkable happened...he hugged me! He threw his arms around me and just hugged me! The weight all of the anxiety I had been feeling was falling in on me and there was nothing I could do to stop it...please, please let go, Izzy...it was getting hard to breathe...why was he doing this? Just when my chest was about to explode, he let go. And I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Goodnight, Axl.” Izzy said so only I could hear. It was hard to look him in the eye; I could feel my face burning.

“G--goodnight.”

I couldn’t leave that club fast enough.