Anything Goes

Exit Tracii

“So, I think we're ready to go on tour.” Duff piped up, tuning his bass. Izzy's head snapped up and Rob and Tracii stared. Even I was shocked!

“Uh...come again?” I asked, wrapping up my mic cord.

“Wait...on tour? Duff, you're an awesome guy and all...but we just played our first three shows last week. No way in hell are we ready to go on tour. That's for bands who have been signed, dude. Like Van Halen.” Tracii said, smoking a cigarette.

“Wouldn't go to their tour if you paid me.” Rob murmured. He and Tracii sniggered. Izzy shushed them both.

“I'm serious. It's gonna be great exposure. Gives a chance to expand our fans, you know. Get our names out there. I've done it before with one of my bands.” Duff shrugged.

“I get that, but go on tour where? I'm broke. I can't afford cross country flights and shit. I can barely afford gas for my piece of shit car.” Rob said. He had a point too. How the hell are we gonna afford a tour? I can barely afford to help Izzy with rent so as it is, and I'm a manager now.

“Well, it wouldn't be a cross country tour. Just up the West Coast. We're not going all the way out to New York or Boston. We could go to all the cities here and end in Seattle.” said Duff with the telltale glint in his eyes he got when he was hatching a plan. Izzy and I exchanged looks.

“Why Seattle?” Tracii asked.

“That's my town. Seattle-made. I have a lot of friends there still, they'd be able to put us up for nothing. We wouldn't have to pay out the ass for a hotel room.”

“Hmmm...I guess that doesn't sound unreasonable.” Izzy said thoughtfully. “And it might help us get exposure, like you said.”

The more I thought about it, the more I came around too. It would be a good idea to put ourselves out there. Who knows, we may even get signed. That would be amazing---

“So, who's in?” Duff asked. Izzy out his hand up. I did too. But Tracii and Rob looked dumbfounded.

“Ok, Duff I get the appeal. And it's great that you have friends who can put us up when we get there. But what about along the way? It's gonna take hours to get everywhere. Hell, days! This isn't an overnight trip! Where are we gonna stay? And what about food and shit? That stuff adds up quick. On what I make, there's just no way I can do it.” Tracii said flatly.

“Well, we wouldn't be staying in five-star hotels. No one can pay for those. I was gonna suggest we just sleep under stars.” Duff said matter-of-factly. Tracii gaped.

“Are you shitting me right now?” Tracii cried. “Sleep outside? Like a bunch of heavy metal stray cats? Have you lost it?!”

“What's wrong, Tracii? You've never been camping before?” Izzy smirked. I tried not to giggle too. Tracii’s jaw on the floor looked hilarious.

“Yes! Once! But that's not the point!” Tracii said incredulously. “We don't have a tent! What if someone comes up and tries to shank us?”

“Tracii, you watch way too much TV.” Rob said, shaking his head with a grin.

“Shut it, Rob. Duff, I really don't like this idea.” Tracii said.

“I do. Let's do it.” Izzy said, gathering up his case. Anything Tracii hated he was all for. It would be really cool to get our names out there. Plus, how many other L.A. Strip bands can say they've been on an actual tour? This was actually kind of exciting.

“You're all fucking crazy. I'm not going. No way in hell.” Tracii said firmly, folding his arms to match.

“That's fine. We can always find someone to take your spot.” Izzy said, playing with his fingernails. “Guitarists are a dime a dozen here. I know at least four.”

“You're gonna toss me out because I don't want to go gallivanting around all over creation with no money and no plan? Fucking really?” snapped Tracii. He looked at Rob for support, but Rob shrugged. Izzy didn't fuck around.

“Duff, it's a nice idea and all, but I can't just pick up and leave for a week. My job won't like it, plus I feel like we need more of a plan. No offense.” Rob said. “I think I have to bow out. It was nice playing with you guys though.”

“You can’t fucking leave!” Tracii whined. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Whatever the hell you want, dude, it's a free country. If you want to go, go. If you don't, then don't.” Rob shrugged. Tracii rounded on me.

“And you? Are you going or staying?” Tracii said. I sighed. It was time to take a stand. Everyone else was looking at me too. Nice.

“I'm going. I'm not just gonna ditch them. Plus I like the idea. We may even get signed. Think about that. We’d never have to worry about anything again. It's too great to pass up.” I said. Tracii stared.

“Fine. Have it your way. Go on tour. Get lost, dirty and robbed. Because that's what's gonna happen. I'm out.” Tracii spat, snatching his guitar case and storming out the door like a kid on the playground. Rob looked apologetic, shook everyone's hands and walked out after him. There was a few seconds of silence.

“Well, that went well.” Duff said with a sigh. “I honestly thought they'd take it better.”

“Nah. I knew better.” said Izzy, dragging on a cigarette and sticking it in my mouth. “Tracii doesn't compromise.” That's the understatement of the fucking century.

“So...now we need a drummer and a lead guitarist. Like, now. Who the hell are we gonna recruit?” I asked. Duff lit a cigarette casually.

“Don’t worry.” He said. “I know a guy who’ll take the job. Actually, two. They're not busy, trust me. Let me step out and make a phone call. Anyone got a nickel?”

“I hope you know what you're doing, Duff, I really do.” Izzy said.

“Just trust me.” He stepped out. Izzy looked at me.

“I hope you're really on board with this.” Izzy said. “Because if you're out, I'm out. We're a package deal.” He brushed my hand with his. We walked outside. Duff was standing at the payphone. I heard his voice drifting over.

“Hey, Slash! It's Duff! You still looking for a gig?”