Raising Ema-Lyn

Chapter 9 - "they're the reasons why I love you."

I was speechless. For years Drew and I had been best friends. We didn’t hide anything from each other. We always were there for each other. My mind flashed through everything we had been through.

Him joining the Navy, helping his borther through school, new years with his mom, the trips to see his dad, my cousins wedding, my parents dying, Kimi's sports. All of it. It made us such good friends. Could I really risk it all for a relationship that might not work?

A million questions flashed through my head.

What if we broke up? Would it affect our friendship? If so, how? What about Kimi? How would she feel about it? What if he started to hate Ema? Would he try to control me when it came to Brad? What if we had a kid? Would he favor that one over Ema?

So many questions, but not any answers.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

He looked hurt. “Oh,”

I took his hand in mine. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because believe me, I do. There’s just so much that could happen. What about our friendship? How would it affect that? And Brad? I know you don’t like him, but if you tried to control me like we were I wouldn’t be able to stay.”

He thought about it for a few minutes. I couldn’t take the silence. I got up and walked to the kitchen. I pulled two glasses out of the cupboard and made us each a screwdriver. This was going to be a long night of talking.

He waited for me to sit back down before he said anything.

“I know you’re worried about a lot and I can’t make any promises.”

I interrupted him with a sigh, and took a big drink. He forced me to look at him again.

“But, if you say yes, I will try my hardest not to make any mistakes. As for it effecting our friendship, dating or not, I will always be here for you. I’m not going to let you leave so easily again,”

“How do you know? We could date for two years, and in those two years you could change your mind completely.”

“Not when it comes to you,” he looked me in the eyes. “You are my everything. You’re my best friend. You’re the first person I think about when I get up and the last I think about before I go to sleep. I regretted it every day when I let you walk away that day. Even worse, I believed you that day. I know you. I know your favorite color and food. I know when you drive to work you go the long way to avoid seeing the cross at the intersection of Crescent and Topaz where little Tommy Petrick was killed. I know you go to your parent’s grave site every Tuesday after work. I know you were devastated that your parents died, but you stayed strong because you knew it would kill Kimi to see you like that. You spend an hour every morning in bathroom doing your hair and make-up, even though you don’t need it. You shower in the mornings, except Wednesdays. Then you take a bath at night using Warm Vanilla Sugar scented bubble bath from Bath & Body Works. You sit at night just thinking and praying you’re doing everything that Kimi needs. You’re trying your best to be Kimi’s replacement parents, but you don’t know that she doesn’t need or want that. She’s thankful you were there. She knows you were hurt, and you’re struggling, but she still loves you. You worry about Ema, even when you’re sitting right next to her. You try your hardest to super mom, and be perfect, but you don’t realize that in my eyes you already are. You’re trying to make your parents proud, but they already were and they still are. You still dance around in your PJ’s when you get Kimi up for school. You are one of the worst bakers I know, but you still try. You don’t give up like everyone else. And you’re gradually getting better. Most of all, you walked with your head held high, and your shoulders strong when all those people believed Brad. You didn’t let them see that it bothered you. I know you didn’t want to leave, but you did, because you wanted him around for Ema.  And all those things, they’re the reasons why I love you.”