Hidden Demons

Family Goobyes

"Louis, sweetheart, have you taken your medicine?" Mum asks while setting down a steaming cup of tea in front of me.

"Mh-hm" I hum, my head weighing heavy in my hand. I stir the cup of tea absentmindedly.

Mum watches me for awhile, she thinks I don't notice the way she stares at me as if I'm about to run of. Although how can I blame her? I'd love nothing more than to escape everyone's sympathetic stares and comments. The way they cock their heads to the side, and do that sad smile whilst looking at me like I'm some injured puppy.

"Do you know when the car is coming to pick you up?" Mum asks, whilst clearing away the breakfast dishes. I flick my wrist and check my watch.

"15 minutes" I sigh, rubbing at my tired and puffy eyes.

Mums eyes soften, "Honey, maybe you shou-"

"No" I cut her off harshly, "I mean, I've been gone from work for far too long, I have to get back"

She nods, "I know sweetie, I'll just miss you so much"

I assure her with a small smile, "Me too" she slings her arm around me and hugs me to her side.

"Why don't I get your medication all prepared for the week?" She asks. I can tell she's worrying, as every mother does. She just wants something to do, something in which she'll get the satisfaction in thinking she's helping me. I let her fuss even though the pounding in my head is begging for her to stop talking.

"That'd be nice, mum" I thank her whilst she turns around and starts bustling about among the kitchen cabinets. She juggles with my pill bottles whilst I try my best to keep my eyes open.

Phoebe slips into the kitchen, her eyes hesitantly trailing over my face. I look a disgrace, my face gaunt, pale and dark smudges smeared under my eyes but I've grown to not care over the months.

"Hey pheebs" I try to grin warmly at her but it must look more like a grimace.

She squirms uncomfortably in my presence, "Hi Louis"

"You okay?" I ask, changing my tone to a soft one, one that I reserve specifically for my sisters.

She nods, still seeming nervous around me.

"I made something for you, for you to look at while your away" she blushes, looking down at her feet.

I feel my heart swell in my chest. After thinking for the last couple of weeks that my sisters were scared of me, it is a huge relief to see that my sister still loves me as much as she did before I was diagnosed.

She hovers her closed hand in front of me, I retrieve my hand from wrapped around my mug and hold it flat, palm facing upwards. She drops something into my hand, and smiles bashfully.

I look down and for the first time in a while, I genuinely smile.

"Aw pheebs" my voice cracks and I pull her into me to bundle her up in my arms. I attack her with kisses until her giggles turn into protests.

"Louis!" She whines playfully. I release her, unwillingly and let her take the bracelet from my hand and slip it onto my wrist. It hangs a little from my thin wrist but I know I won't be taking it off for a long time. Phoebe has made it with simple black beads but perfectly placed in the middle with beads with letters written on them she's spelled out, "My Hero".

"It's here!" Lottie shouts from her position in front of the living room window.

I groan.

Mum glances over, tears welling in her eyes already.

"Here you go, love" she hands me my pill organiser; a plastic blue box with seven different compartments, each compartment labelled with a day of the week. Mum has sorted the correct pills for each day and I appreciate it greatly.

I stand and hug my mum closely, it'll be the last time I'll see her for some time and I know I'm going to miss her so damn much whilst I'm away. I've had a lot of time to think recently and what I've rediscovered is how much my family mean to me.

"I'll phone everyday" I promise, I always phone, it's something I stick to like religion.

"Of course, sweetie, I'll look forward to it" she pecks my cheek and follows behind me as I walk to the door.

There stood in a line to see me off are my four beautiful sisters.

"Come here you lot" I open my arms wide and they all snuggle in, saying their goodbyes and leaving slobbery kisses on both my cheeks.

I untangle myself from all their limbs and pick my luggage up, slinging my holdall over my shoulder and pulling my suitcase up onto all it's wheels.

"Well, I'll keep in touch... And hopefully see you all soon"

Some more hasty hugs, slobbery kisses and tearful goodbyes are exchanged before I really do need to go.

I walk down the small garden path and turn at the bottom to give one last wave. I take a deep breath and then face the black van.

Now it's back to reality.

I climb inside and greet the driver, tears pricking at my eyes as my childhood home grows smaller and smaller as I drive further and further away.