Hidden Demons

Wembley Arena

"Guys your on in ten minutes, get a bloody move on!" Greg yells, looking harassed as he stands by the doorway.

I stay laying on the couch in only my grey joggers, Harry sits at my feet lazily tapping at his phone every once and a while.

"Come on, Lou" Liam pats my head gently, "Up and at 'em!"

I groan and nuzzle my head further into the crook of my elbow where it lays heavily.

"I just want to sleep" I mumble grumpily. My mood had deteriorated through sound check and I had become quiet, sleepy and moody. I could tell the boys knew something was up but I remained glum and decided to just let them worry.

Zayn kneels beside me so we are at eye level, "Louis, what's up? We've got to get out there and rock the stage!"

I close my eyes stubbornly and ignore him. He sighs and stands back up.

"We're heading backstage, you guys come alone when you're ready" Liam sighs heavily in defeat and leaves the room with an excited Niall and worried looking Zayn in tow.

Harry sets down his phone and looks at me.

"What's bothering you, Louis?" He asks like he's asking what the weathers to be like tomorrow.

I shrug, not actually knowing myself what's troubling me. Really all I want to do is sleep. I blame Niall he's the one who dragged me outside so early.

Silence descends and I close my eyes again, hearing a distant call of, "You're on in five minutes lads!"

I feel the couch rise slightly as Harry stands up. I peek an eye open and watch as he walks to my duffel bag and starts rummaging through it.

"Hey!" I protest and sit up, confused.

He finds whatever he's searching for, as he turns back around I realise it's my pill organiser.

My mouth falls open as realisation dawns. Harry frowns down at the object in his hands.

"You haven't taken your medication, Louis" he sounds sad and disappointed and I rush to his side to reassure him it hadn't been a deliberate decision, I had just forgotten during the mayhem of my first day back working. "That's why you've been acting strange"

His frown is deep and looks out of place among his handsome features.

I gently pick up the blue tub from his hand, and pop Fridays lid open. I slide two pills out and then grab a water bottle of the dressing table. I throw the tablets to the pack of my throat and take a gulp of water.

Harry watches me carefully and silently takes the tub back from me and replaces it in my bag.

"Let's go, we're going to be late" he walks out the room and I hesitate to follow.

Already my weaknesses are showing, one thing I promised myself to hide from the boys. The last thing I wanted was for the eldest of the band, 'the leader' as they jokingly told me yet truly believed, to crumble in front of their eyes.

I start to fear that this medication is doing nothing and the boys will start to see me as only a disorder and not bother to look past the label.

I press the heel of my hands into my eyes and rub harshly to try and waken myself up.

I make to leave but realise I'm still shirtless. I grab my t-shirt from where it's slung on the back of the couch. As I finally turn to leave I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My ribs poke out and my torso looks like it belongs more to a 12 year old boy rather than a 22 year old man.

I bite back my tears and hastily pull on my top before rushing out into the crowded halls.

"Louis! Thank god!" A strangely familiar female voice cries. A small hand latches onto my bicep and I look down to discover a frantic looking Indie.

"W-what's going on?" I ask confused at her urgency. She lets out a puff of air, blowing her fringe out of her face. She's fit with her usual attire; headphones, a sound pack and many wires hanging from her back and laced around her waist. In her right hand she clutches a clipboard, in her left; my forearm.

"The boys are waiting for you backstage!" She talks in a exasperated tone.

I smile down at her, loving the way she keeps puffing out her cheeks. It's adorable. She sees my smile and looks incredulously at me.

"You think this is funny? You's should be starting to sing your first song by now!" She whines.

She starts to drag me through the clusters of people gathered in the hallway.

"Hey it's okay, it'll all go smoothly. The fans won't mind waiting a few extra minutes" I shrug easily trying to reassure her and calm her down.

It has the opposite effect I desired as she whips around to growl at me, "the fans might not 'mind' the wait but I can assure you the crew will"

I roll my eyes as she continues to struggle through the packed corridors.

"Why are all these people here?" I ask, looking around in wonderment.

She casts me a look, "For the after party?" She tells me in the form of a question.

"After-what?" I groan. It was going to be a struggle to get through this concert never mind a party afterwards as well. Don't get me wrong I absolutely adore the fans, they're our support system and I can't thank them enough for what they've done. But when your feeling like poo the last thing you want is to step out on to a stage in front of thousands of people and sing and prance around stage and have all those thousands of people take pictures of you feeling crappy and post them all over the web.

Can you see where I'm coming from?

Nevertheless I let Indie drag me through the door labelled 'Backstage' because I know I need to do this for the boys l. And the amazing fans. Even if all I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep for a few days.

I need to pull together a brave facade and keep it plastered on.

Indie hurriedly hands me my ear piece and transmitter then pushes me towards the steps leading under the stage. I stoop over and hurriedly walk towards the four boys I see ahead.

They visibly sigh in relief, a few mumblings of 'thank god' and 'finally' pass around but I ignore it and take my position on the pop up stage. The boys crouch beside me on their specific markings.

Indie, using her fingers counts down from five.

I take a deep breath as she holds up one finger before being propelled into the air.

The crowd comes into view, I'm hit with screams and blinding lights. The song has already started and I can see Liam singing his intro, he's at ease and casually walks to the edge of the stage to wave at some fans.

I'm frozen to the spot as I look around me at the hundreds of people jumping up and down screaming. I must look like a deer caught in headlights. It's terrifying and I know that any minute now my solo will arrive and I'll stand here like an idiot, unmoving.

A hand clamps down on my shoulder, I jump a little but look to my side to see Harry, smiling warmly at me.

"You can do it, Lou" he mouths, squeezing my shoulder. I nod and return the smile before walking forward to belt out my solo.