Listen, I know I haven't written much I'm sorry okay? I've been a little busy! You know fighting with your head all the time is tiring; not including having to write all the arguments you have in you're head on paper. It's kind of just another way for self destruction to set off at hyper speed, because I actually can read how stupid I sound. And a consoler told me I should do this? Am I the only one that finds that ironic? Anyway there is a logical explanation for why I haven't been writing... Stress. I have an audition tonight and I have been trying to find new audition songs. Why? A: I'm getting tired of my old songs: "Don't Rain on my Parade." -funny girl, "In my own little corner."-Cinderella, and every theatre lovers go-to "gimme gimme"- Throughly Modern Mille. (Yes I know every one wants to be Sutton Foster; but it's really over done... Sadly.) B: I'm going to a theater that I have never been to before, and I want a fresh sound... And C: I don't have a really good comedy song in my repertoire. It's good to have a belting song and a good soprano. ( or a song with both, per Seth Rudetsky instructions.) Also, a comedic song to "lighten" the mood. (okay, I'll admit that literally everything I know about auditions come from Seth, I like to think that I just knew, but I didn't; I just obsessively keep learning from one of the best people to learn from on Broadway, which is most definitely him... I'm obsessed. Listen, before you judge understand that he has done concerts with some of the best people on Broadway... Betty Buckley, Patti lopuone, Sutton Foster, etc. okay? Anyone? Let it sink in.) So this theater I'm auditioning at is definitely a step up considering my "usual" theater has little in the title... Not joking "Chase little theatre." Any comments? Just one... It's fucking small. So this theatre has more talent and room. I have to step it up and have a good audition... First impression is everything.
...
Anyway it's 3:55 and my audition is at 6:00 I have literally two and a half hours before I audition. I'm terrified, so naturally I'm writing... Not practicing like a good performer would... I'm writing on this god forsaken page in my "notes". ( consoler's secret torture device.) If I'm honest I'm writing so that I can't run my song (a belt/soprano selection) over obsessively. I'm afraid my vocal cords might combust, because I might be really bad at placing notes in the mask, and so it's all in my throat. Bad technique I know. I also don't want to block (planned movements) anything. I've realized that when I don't plan out every move I'm going to make on stage, I get a better response. I know that probably makes no sense to anyone. Here I'll explain... You don't plan a breakup right? Or a death? Or even the best nights of your life? It's the same thing when you're playing a character whose singing those lyrics. They didn't know what was going to happen, their just as shocked as you would be in real life, and your trying to make this character as real as possible. So, if you just let the song fuel your actions then you won't be a robot on stage. The casting directors, and most importantly you, will enjoy it. Holy shit it's 5:30 I got to go.
...
I'm home. Wow that theatre blew me away. First of all when I typed in the address on my gps the first thing that came up was a second hand stage in New York City! (Lol I wish!) so that's A. Then once I pulled in I saw a sign in front that read 500.49 miles to Broadway. (Again I wish... ) Then I actually walked in. As I stepped into the theatre time seemed to stop. I stood entranced by the little ballerinas running up and down steps and the vocal warm ups I heard echoing from upstairs. I didn't realize I was right in the way of the ballerina's warm up.
"Watch out!" I turned and didn't see anyone. Then I noticed a set of small eyes staring at me. I crouched to her level and ruffled her tu-tu.
"I'm sorry about that. Clumsy me." She smiled, gave me a hug and took off up the steps. I walked up to a little table in the corner of the room. A woman waved me over.
" here." She handed me a form. " Fill this out. Auditions will be held on the second floor... Just go with the crowd." She waved me away; obviously annoyed that her job was to be a living GPS. Wow! Nice to meet you too. Is she literally a zombie? I Walked up the steps, passing all of the other performers who were auditioning. " nah mah." "La la la." Eeeoooo." There was a girl painting a butterfly. She stopped abruptly and turned to me. She stuck out her hand.
"Hi I'm Jasmine. You new?"
"Melody." I said, as I accepted her handshake. "And yeah I'm new."
"Cool I can't wait to hear your pipes."
"Aren't you auditioning?" She gave me a look that was equal to " are you fucking kidding me?"
"No! There is no way I'm getting on that stage I'm part of the artistic crew here."
"Oh cool! Is this one your sets? It's beautiful." The butterfly I was referring to was black and white shaded precisely to make it look like it was popping out at you.
" Oh this is an art project of my own." She leaned in and whispered "don't tell anyone... Lord knows the director of the board might replace me because I had a creative thought." She was in a rant. And I was confused
"Aren't you on the creative team?"
"Yeah well only by the directors standards... Anyway you should probably get that form filled out before auditions start. Here I'll help." She started helping me fill everything out. (Even though I already knew what to do. I still wasn't going to turn down a new friend.)
"So if you had more experience you would be better off, but since this is your first show-"
"I've been in fifteen shows Jasmine." I said with a polite laugh. " I'm just new to this theatre... Not new to the stage though; it's like my second home."
" Oh! Well then why do you need my help? You got this." She patted me on the back. "Have fun with your audition...okay? Break a leg." She got up and headed back to her painting. I finished the form and handed it to one of the members of the casting committee.
" thank you. You will be number 12; go ahead and have a seat in the house."
"Okay thank you." I grabbed my number and put it around my neck.
...
As I walked into the house, kids filled seats from row one to row 10. There were chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. ( very tip of the hat to The Phantom Of The Opera.) I made my way down the aisle and grabbed an available seat... Just in time for the director to start his drawn out lecture about how old the theatre was, stage directions, the reason upstage is actually moving back onstage. ( earlier in theatre history stages were raked so when you went upstage it actually meant you were going up on the rake.) and proper stage etiquette. Stuff almost every director does. I zoned out for a while until I heard the first number called.
" number one please make your way to the stage, let's get started." ••• there's that call I had been waiting for. Then all the shit came over me. Why the hell are you here? Do you realize how much of an embarrassment you are? You're an idiot for thinking you can come in here and perform like a robot. My head was spinning, and I started to hyperventilate. I swear if you have a fucking anxiety attack right now... Okay calm down... Make yourself laugh... Goosefraubah. ( from anger management? Anyone?). What kind of performer are you? Honestly, I didn't know. One of the best things to understand as a performer is to get out of your own head. If you can do that than the hard part is over.( a lot easier said then done). So I was zoned this whole time.
"Number 12." Shit.
...
I handed my music to the pianist, got up on stage, and proceeded to say my name,age, and what song I was going to sing.
"Whenever you're ready." The director looked at me with a twinkle in his eye.
I took a deep breath, nodded to the pianist, and did what I loved...
YOU ARE READING
Save me from myself.
Teen Fictioneveryone has those voices in their head telling them they can't do anything. Well what is it like to be a performer and have the voices in your head telling you what you are.. or aren't? How does it feel to be trapped in your own subconscious with...
