Save me from myself.

I honestly don't know

I'm frozen. the only thing I can think about is how I felt when I saw my grandma slowly close her eyes.  She died so harshly, and I won't go into detail but it wasn't a peaceful death.  However, after she closed her eyes she seemed so peaceful and beautiful.  As if God had taken her soul before she could feel any pain.  I went to church on Sunday with my family, and prayed silently for awhile.  I'm a very religious person, and honestly without God in my life I would have already killed myself.  In times like these (whether my consoler  likes it or not.) I just like to go to a quiet room/ building ideally church and have a little conversation with God.   Mrs. Hayden would say: " now we need to analyze your feelings."  Well news flash she is not the only consoler I've had that has told me that, and when I pray it's one of the few things I feel like I'm doing right. I never got to talk to my grandma because she had dementia long before this happened; so, I just grabbed her hand and held it for what seemed like a lifetime.  I never realized how much people take for granted: parents, grandparents, or even a cat.  We have people surrounding us who love and care, yet we still sit there and complain because it's cold, or whatever the case may be.   We forget that some people aren't even able to get up in the morning. My feeling analysis is that I'm pretty upset my grandma is gone.  I never really got to meet her when she was able to have normal conversations, and because of that I never really got to know her.  I also know that I learned something in all of this, and that is next time my stepdad wants to take me to my other Grandma's house I will not be disagreeing anymore. However, death  is how life works and God will take care of her I just have to trust.