Save me from myself.

A week later date 20th

So, I did audition; even after all the shit my mind had to "kindly" offer me. that was about a week ago so today I am going to get the most dreaded email ever.  It's the one that every performer gets to see if you got a callback and what for.  (Or if you're not in the show at all.) .  So today after school it should be here. ( Am I good enough for Belle?... no.)   Now I'm sitting in biology and whatever load of crap that is coming out of her mouth is making no sense, so I decided it was appropriate to write so I was being productive in something... important?   ( I don't know I'm sorta hoping if I show this to my Counselor, she will rethink this whole diary thing because my "grades will slip.")
"We have a test tomorrow so I hope you study!" He eyed my blank notebook... Fuck.
" Melody is going to fail. Look at her.." (Quotes in the air for no reason.) "notes." Listen here Mr. Smartass, I'm not okay with your constant burst of reality checks. ( quite frankly I'm not interested in reality at all.).  "Oh well I'm sorry. I actually already got the notes." I said with a smile. If all else fails pull the over achiever card.  He nodded impressed with my sudden interest in his class. I frankly started coping the slides of notes. "Melody what are you.." *ding*  I hate using this expression but I definitely was "saved by the bell."
...
That was terrifying.  I got on the bus, and sat alone in the back as usual.  Addie came over and started punching me...again and I let it happen. (Sarcastic? yes. smart? no.) I'm the first one off but, today she decided to give me a death threat.
" You think this is bad? Wait till I bring a knife, you're dead." Wow! Very original. (Not) I looked at her with a look that represented a tree... Blank.  I showed no emotion; I simply put on my headphones and drowned in Broadway deconstructions, and songs from 1930's (I think). I was so excited to get off that god forsaken bus.  I escaped with only four kicks, two punches, and a whole new perspective on Barbra Streisand: Pins and Needles... Respect for her!!!I walked off the bus and fished for my key in my black and white purse. I found it, and stared at the door.  That's what I'm doing now... Once I walk through these doors I will find out if I have a chance to be in "Beauty and the Beast."  I'm frozen. I set my computer on the front table so that when I walk in the first thing that will pop up is the email... OK. It's time.
...
Wow! I'm devastated. I walked in and the email was already open, and it made death look like the best thing ever.  I kept reading and it said this: thank you for auditioning, but we will not be using you in this show.  OK, so that's not the most devastating part; after I read all of that I heard a beep come from my iPod ( because apparently I'm not "allowed" to have a phone.)  I grabbed the iPod out of my pocket taking a few deep breaths, as I looked at the title of the email. 

I knew my Grandma was having problems with her health, but I didn't know she was going to die. I'm writing this on my way to my dad's house to get the full story. I really can't write right now; I can't even hold the pencil in my hand I'm shaking so bad. I'll write later.  Now I know why I didn't get the part.  Fate had other plans.

Well it's later. Here I go... My Grandma is not gone yet.  She is only expected to live 2-3 days if she's lucky.  She had cancer when she was younger, and always struggled with her health.  Sadly the last few moments are no exception.  My consueler  says in these situations I need to analyze my feelings.  Here's the problem I don't feel anything.