Broken Hearts & Lonely Stars(girlxgirl)

Chapter Two: Smoking the Devil's Grass Without a Care

Broken Hearts & Lonely Stars:

Chapter Two: Smoking the Devil's Grass Without a Care

I will always love you...

My eyes snapped open as I stared at my palms, my head bowed as the hardcore music blared from the speakers as I gazed at the tattoos inked on my skin. My hair fell over the sides of my face like black waterfalls as I sat there on the foot of the bed, wondering why I just kissed Bridget. Fighting with myself how I could allow that. As if her very existence was my drug and I needed it like I needed beer. She was a siren and I was following her call, sinking to my death. Her lips were poisonous yet I risked everything. She probably thinks I could be easily fooled and be played again.

I sighed heavily, running my fingers through my hair as I felt like I was entirely...shattered.

Sometimes, I felt like crying.

Let the tears fall and my suicidal thoughts escaped into my mind as I let my heart release its pain...but I don't. I didn't know how to cry. From the tormenting years of my childhood, I held back my tears while the old man screamed at me for being a disgraced child and laughing at my face whenever I was inclining closer to my brother's footsteps. While my older sister got the glory and pride from both my parents' eyes, I was left in the sidelines with my brother, watching and waiting for the day we would be praised like that.

When I turned thirteen, I was introduced to the Devil's grass: Marijuana. It was my best friend, taking away my pain and worries. It was an escape I gladly took. After that, cocaine came and was my closest friend then came alcohol who became my long time girlfriend. I was a messed up teen and did everything to risk my life and leave it all behind. I didn't care if I was slowly dying, I wanted to escape. Get rid of everything that made me worthless. Made me into a heartless monster. After my brother was shipped to Iraq, I was alone, worrying whether he would come back alive. Each day passed and I was left behind in the hell-hole I loathed with a passion. Criticism was thrown at me every minute and I was able to bare it until I completely went off. Punching the old man in the face, snapping at the woman who gave birth to me, and pushed my little sister to the floor and told her meaningful words that may have scarred her like her parents did to me.

It was a mistake to go off on a seven year old. But I exploded and let everything out without shedding a tear as I stared down at the man who was supposed to protect me from the cruelness of this world yet the wickedness embraced me like a mother's embrace, suffocating me into the darkness of drugs, sex, and alcohol. It was the same day I opened up and told them I was a lesbian and was crucially kicked out and told to never come back. The only thought when I went to Chelsea's house that day was: How was Blade supposed to find me when he gets home from Iraq?

I glanced up, the sunlight streaming through the cracks of the blinds as it reflected off something that looked so familiar. My lips hungered for it, my lungs protested against it, my mind relished it, my body needed it. I stood up and approached the beautiful Scooby Doo bong and a smile played on my lips as I grabbed it, clutching to my chest as I walked back to the bed and planned my next event for the day.

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"Fuck," I groaned, rubbing my stomach as I looked at the menu again. I tried to visualize what each meal looked like but I came out blank as my stomach growled and the cravings of food took me to the point of leaving my room and interrupting what Chelsea, Bridget, and Johnny were arguing about and bluntly asked if they wanted to get some food.

I glanced at Flor who seemed to be ready for the waiter to come as she sipped from her beverage while I glanced back at the menu again. Shrimp Cocktail, T-Bone Steak, Cheeseburger with Fries...