Broken Hearts & Lonely Stars(girlxgirl)

Chapter Thirteen: Showering with Thorns and Needles

Broken Hearts & Lonely Stars:

Chapter Thirteen: Showering with Thorns and Needles

             What's worse:

Knowing you're going to die in four months or crawling back to the very woman who silently broke your heart?

At this moment, death sounded sweet and pure compared to the vile whore who sat in front of me in the other booth. I drank my orange juice calmly, the soft jazz music playing above us, the laughter and the chatter from the other customers hardly fazed me. The waitresses ran around with plates of food, greeting their newly arrived customers before trudging back to the kitchen.

I pulled my beanie further down as I waited for her to speak. I don't know why I even allowed myself to answer her calls. To hear her pathetic sobs and sympathetic words. Maybe I was weak to even push her away even more. Maybe I was in deep shit to realize that she was my first love that I allowed myself to that extent and whatever I would do, she would be in my mind. I hated myself for that. To even let myself think about the girl who broke my heart yet I was still in the process of mending it. Letting the ashes of my heart blow in the wind when I knew I couldn't have her back.

It was pathetic of me to feel this way. Maybe knowing death was near made me open my eyes wider. To see the true colors of everyone. For example, Johnny. I always thought he was my best friend who cared and waited for me to open up to him but in the end, he was a complete asshole. To think that our friendship was stronger than any bullshit that was thrown at us.

I glanced out the window, seeing the cars drive by, people walking past, window shopping at the nearby stores. They all had smiles on their faces. Oblivious to what tomorrow would bring. While they live their lives, I stand in the shadows, slowly withering away. My hand covers my forearm, hiding the faint bruise where the nurse inserted the needle and I'd be swallowed in the silent despair of chemotherapy. I don't know why I kept going to that. Was it because I clutched onto the slight hope that I could live more than four months? Or was it that girl that seemed to slither into my mind when I drift off into space?

 There was no answer for my silent questions. There was no hope. I was just apart of those broken hearts that look up into the night sky, gazing at the lonely stars with no neighboring stars to spend for eternity before the beautiful gas withers and the star dies.

Bridget cleared her throat, clasping her hands together for a moment before fidgeting her fingers. Her golden brown hair was curled and pulled to the side. Those chocolate brown eyes gazed back at me with a withering love that I knew would go away each time someone pops into her view. I leaned back, tracing my pinky along the rim of the glass, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm not gonna sit here the whole day, wasting my time to hear what you have to say, Bridget," I told her. "So, hurry up and spit it out."

She frowned, "Rhea, can't we just spend a day without chewing our heads off?"

"Let me rephrase that little sentence, Bridget," I slipped out of the booth, throwing a twenty bill on the table. I placed my hands on the table and leaned forward until my face was inches away from Bridget's. "We can't just spend a day without you fucking every guy who even smiles at you. So, if you think I would at least give you the slightest time of day then you're wrong. Get this in your brainless head, Bridget: There would never be in an 'us' again. Stop hoping and wishing."

I walked away, knowing she won't follow me. What was wrong with me to let myself see her? Why did I felt like a weak, pathetic fool when it came to her?