My Everything (Calum Hood/Michael Clifford)

Chapter Nine

But now that I'm broken
Now that you know it
Caught up in a moment
Can you see inside?'Cause I've got a jet black heart
And there's a hurricane underneath it
Trying to keep us apart
I write with a poison pen
But these chemicals moving between us
Are the reason to start againNow I'm holding on for dear life
There's no way that we could rewind
Maybe there's nothing after midnight
That could make you stay

The radio played the words that could never come out of my mouth as I stared at Calum with wide, surprised eyes. His dark brown eyes latched onto mine and his lip was trapped between his teeth as he silently begged me to say something. The car had never felt so small as I leaned against the door. I tore my eyes away and yanked on the handle, my eyes tearing up. I cursed and hit the unlock button before stumbling out of the car and ran up to the door, shoving the key in the lock and using the door as a shield.

I took a ragged breath as I leaned against the door, my tears freely falling down my face. Oh fuck Calum, why???

~

(20 minutes earlier)

"Good luck on your date Abbs," I said, hugging my friend tightly. She laughed and hugged back.

"Not a date," she reminded me. I snorted.

"Tell him that; poor lad," I told her before Calum came up to us. He greeted us happily, his eyes momentarily on Abby before staying with me. She said her goodbyes before rushing off, obviously excited for a non date.

Cal motioned for us to go to his car and I obliged. After a week of classes and dealing with him, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed, nap or read fan fiction until dinner. I followed Cal back to his car, my head in the clouds, completely oblivious to the world as we walked through the parking lot. I spotted Mikey's colored hair as he got into his car and drove off. He spotted me and honked, giving me a crooked smile that reminded me of Luke. My heart twanged slightly at the thought of him; and our story, so close to being complete, leaving me hanging on the edge of love. I signed and tossed my bag into the cab of the car.

There was no point in thinking about him. He was gone. His letter said as much. And he didn't plan on coming back. That much was apparent.

Cal started the car and backed out, his arm behind my headrest to look back. He was close enough that I could smell his aftershave, something slightly musky but crisp. I inhaled a bit more, enjoying how his own scent intermingled with the aftershave. My eyes had slipped shut as I enjoyed it before I realized what I was doing. I mentally groaned and turned to the window, angling my entire body away from my friend. I used to enjoy our rides back home.

But now??

But now everything was different. There were feelings, or so he says. There were feelings, I'll admit but it's ridiculous and it'd never work. Our lives were going in separate directions. Not to mention isn't there a bro code that says you can't date your friends ex? Does that still apply of the guy left because of a gang rivalry though? I sighed and raked a hand through my hair.

I felt Calum's gaze on me while he drove. I knew he wanted nothing more than to talk. But it couldn't happen. I didn't want to open up to that possibility of getting hurt again. It'd be too soon. I nearly cried with joy when we got to my house. I started reaching for my bag when Cal grabbed my arm.

"Wait- let's talk please," he begged. "I've been waiting all week." I turned to him.

"I don't want to talk Calum," I snapped, exhausted. He flinched.

"Fine then, just listen," he growled. I frowned; granted I deserved that. "I love you Sophie." My jaw dropped and I took a deep breath. No. "I do. I know you're Luke's ex but you're so much more than that; you're strong, amazing, grace, caring and beautiful. You and I have been best friends since...things happened. I have your back and you have mine. You'll always be able to rely on me Sophie." He paused and shook his head.

"I love you," he added.

Then his lips were on mine and his hand was behind my head, holding me to him. And for a second-just a brief second- I kissed him back, letting my heart breathe in relief. Then I pulled away, shoving his chest hard to get away.

"no," the word ripped its way out of my throats and slapped him. His eyes widened with hurt. The silence was defeating and the radio tried to keep us sane.

But now that I'm broken
Now that you know it
Caught up in a moment
Can you see inside?'Cause I've got a jet black heart
And there's a hurricane underneath it
Trying to keep us apart
I write with a poison pen
But these chemicals moving between us
Are the reason to start againNow I'm holding on for dear life
There's no way that we could rewind
Maybe there's nothing after midnight
That could make you stay

The radio played the words that could never come out of my mouth as I stared at Calum with wide, surprised eyes. His dark brown eyes latched onto mine and his lip was trapped between his teeth as he silently begged me to say something. The car had never felt so small as I leaned against the door. I tore my eyes away and yanked on the handle, my eyes tearing up. I cursed and hit the unlock button before stumbling out of the car and ran up to the door, shoving the key in the lock and using the door as a shield.

I took a ragged breath as I leaned against the door, my tears freely falling down my face. Oh fuck Calum, why???

I locked the door, my tears blurring my vision beforeI ran upstairs to my room, slamming my door to my safety.

No no no no no - we couldn't happen. It's not safe. It could hurt me. He could hurt me. Yet despite those thoughts I knew for a fact Calum would do anything and everything not to hurt me. He wasn't Luke. His situation was completely different. He was safe. He was home.

And if anything happened and it messed up it could ruin us. It could ruin what we have. I don't want to lose my best friend.

I was getting ahead of myself and I knew that. I took a deep breath and collapsed on my bed. I don't know how or when I fell asleep, but I woke up to my phone ringing. It was Abby. I didn't answer it in time, but she had texted me instead: "date was fun. Mikey definitely not my type. :P"

The second text that popped up made my heart stop.

"We're not done."
It was from Cal..