My Everything (Calum Hood/Michael Clifford)

Chapter Eleven

*Sophie's POV*

The light from the sun was my wake up call on Saturday morning. I stared at my ceiling after I was awake, trying to delay the inevitable guilt that would come once my mind wasn't clouded by sleepiness. Sure enough, the events from Friday night came into my mind and I wanted to hide. My feelings for Cal made me feel guilty, because I was still so terribly in love with a ghost, my ghost....my Luke. My phone chimed, letting me know that I had unread notifications, that the world hadn't stopped turning even though it felt like mine was slowly coming to a complete stop.

After a while, my body was screaming at me to get up and I begrudgingly obliged. I gathered my things for a shower and escaped into the world of hot water and steam. It didn't last long enough and I was soon back to the inevitable. I sat on the bed, wrapped up in my towel, staring at my closet door. After I read Luke's letters for nearly one hundred times, I wrapped them in a scarf and put them in the farthest corner of my closet underneath old books and toys.

I wasn't sure what possessed me to do so, but I got to my feet and went to open my closet. My heart started a funny rhythm as I pushed aside an old bear. My palms felt clammy as I lifted the pile of childhood books and gently pulled the letter out from underneath. I went back to my bed before laying the letter on the blanket. I got dressed slowly, eyeing the parchment wrapped in cotton all the while. I eventually joined the letter on the bed and slowly unwrapped it. It fell from my hands and the letter was naked before me, folded in thirds, and hiding the words that tore me apart. I almost didn't even open it; I knew so much of it by heart now.

Sophie,

I'm so sorry, but I'm leaving.

I have to break up with you. I wished I didn't, but I have to. I have no choice.

But, I love you so much and never forget that. Please never ever forget that I loved you. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Please don't look for me. You'll be in danger and I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt after everything I've put you through. Just please believe, baby, that I never planned on having it this way. If I could have my way, I'd have you in my arms and I'd never let you go another day without me telling you I loved you. I'd always keep you from danger if I could and I tried so hard to protect you and I failed. The only way to keep you safe is for me to leave.

Please don't wait for me, love. Waiting is just going to hurt you and I know this is hurting you right now. Don't make it worse on yourself Sophie. I'm so honored to have been your first boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first everything, except your first time, but please, I beg you, go out and fall in love again. Fall in love with someone who actually deserves you because I certainly don't. You gave me more love in the past couple months than I ever received in my lifetime.

Please be happy baby.

You deserve it and so much much.

Always yours,

Luke Hemmings

I didn't even realize I was crying again until I couldn't breathe. I dropped the letter and it floated to the carpet. I wrapped my arms around myself and took a couple of deep breaths to pull myself together. I scoffed at myself and rushed to the bathroom to wash my face. I avoided my own gaze in the mirror as I patted my face dry. I dropped the towel on the counter and went to get the letter. As I picked it up, I couldn't help but read "Please don't wait for me, love. Waiting is just going to hurt you and I know this is hurting you right now" again. I closed my eyes and it was like I could hear him softly whispering the words to me. I let those words sink into me as I lowered myself onto the ground.

Please don't wait for me.... That sentence repeated in my head until it became a melody. I took a deep breath and lowered my head.

"Please forgive me Luke," I whispered softly, pressing the parchment to my lips. A few final tears slipped from my eyes. Setting the parchmen aside, I reached over to my phone and unlocked it.

Ignoring all of my previous notifications, I pulled up my messages and went to my text thread with Calum. Meet me at the park; 20 minutes. My phone chimed a second later with Calum's agreeance. I slipped on my shoes and was out the door. It was maybe a 15 minute walk to the park and I took my time, enjoying the walk, focusing on my footsteps. I reached the park first and headed to the swings. Butterflies flew around in my stomach and I felt slightly nauseous, but excited. I sat in one of the middle swings and used my tip toes to push me gently. My thoughts swirled in my head and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of seeing Cal again; telling him something I know he's been waiting for. My Cal.

Then suddenly I was launched into the air. I screamed, tightening my grip on the chains and whipped my head to the side, trying to see who pushed me. Cal stood a few feet away, a big smirk on his face as he watched my swing go back and forth. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Ha, ha, very funny," I snapped, digging my feet into the ground to stop myself. He laughed and sat in the swing next to me.

"I thought so," he said, sticking his tongue out at me. I reached over and punched him in the arm, grumbling. He smiled and shrugged. "So what's up? What'd you want to talk about?" I bit my lip and looked at him, my heart pounding in my chest.

It was time to move on, I reminded myself. It was time to let myself be happy. Like Luke wanted. I took a deep breath and I shuffled my feet in the wood chips below. I cleared my throat. It was time to let go.

"Calum, I've been thinking..about us," I started. His face was instantly void of emotion. I knew he was mentally preparing for another rejection. "We've been great friends over the past couple of months. I know that I wouldn't be where I am without you; you've been so amazing to me. I'm so thankful to have you in my life." I paused, unsure where to go next.

"Look, Soph," Calum interjected, taking advantage of my pause. "I know I shouldn't like you; Luke was my best mate and I felt guilty for it for a long time. But he's gone and I know that he'd want you to be happy. He'd want both of us to be happy. If you don't like me, please tell me. I'll back off officially and I'll let it go." He started speaking faster and faster; it became harder to keep up.

"Calum, shut up," I said, before leaning over and kissing him on the lips. He froze and I could feel his eyes on my face as I kissed him. I pulled away and saw his tan cheeks become flushed and his eyes were wide.

"You're right; Luke would want us to be happy," I relented. "I like you too Calum. Let's try this, if you still want to."

"Of course I fucking want to!" he nearly squealed, pulling me from my swing and into his arms. Laughing, I held onto him and he spun us around. He set me on my feet, took my face in his hands and planted a big kiss on my lips.

Instead of fighting him like before, I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned into the kiss; feeling his warm chest against mine, his calloused hands caress my cheeks and his lips dance with mine slowly. He held me to him for a long time, even after he stopped kissing me. Eventually he let me go and we settled back into the swings.

"Hey, bet you I can swing higher than you," he taunted after a moment. I rolled my eyes.

"You're on, Hood."