All Hail The Queen

Chapter 22 - Change of Season

19-9-476

 It has been some time since I've written in this journal; the last entry being penned on the fifth day of the eighth month in 462. I'm even more surprised that I've kept this torn-up journal all these years but now is not the time to think on the past. It's been a few weeks since our return from the failed expedition and there has been no progress on Ayami and Hana's whereabouts. I knew that the duchess would play dirty when it comes to warfare but because of my lack of sound judgement I have lost two of my most reliable allies. I have grown weaker for every day that passes with no leads of where they might be. A part of me feels foolish for splitting our forces but I guess the only redeeming result of this decision was that not everyone was attacked at once if we were to have been cooped in one location; easy pickings for the opposition.

 My drive to purge this world of such evil has dwindled substantially since I started this rebel force over a decade ago. Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is too great for me to lift off my shoulders and it would be much more easier to have mercy on myself and let it flatten me like an insect on the underside of a straw sandal. At least I'll be able to see my parents once again and we can be a family in the afterlife. Would they even welcome me with open arms if I see them? I watched them, helplessly, die in front of me; the scene runs through my head constantly. By trying my hardest to protect those I love, I have inadvertently put them in more harm than they were in before. If only I can have the allegiance of the Nine Warlords only then can I have a sliver of hope to take over the Westlands from the devil's grip but, sadly, they have forsaken me. 

 I know not if I will make these journal entries a daily routine but then again nothing is for certain. My priorities have been flipped upside down, rattled to the point where I don't know what to take on first. As far as I can tell, my reach of Ayogan only extends to the borders of Feo and nothing more. Having had D'Khast in the northwest province of Cheju under my belt would have given me more leeway to regain Ayogan while taking shots at the Westlands' outer territories. For now, Bai'Nin's morale is unchanged as they still view me as a protector of the people but I'm uncertain as to how long they will continue to view me as such.

27-10-476

 Only nine more days until the end of the year and war has not broken out from either side. O' how gracious the queen is to pay respects to the final days of her calendar system with a ceasefire. I have made very little progress for my next plan of attack as everyone decided it was inappropriate to have talks of war at the end of the year, believing it would bring about immediate misfortune once we've crossed over to the new year. The only one willing to make plans was Kongming but even he didn't want to contribute too much because of said superstition. Not much can be written about when there's nothing substantial to record.

1-1-477

 It is officially the first day of the new year. It is also supposedly the beginning of Spring yet remnants of Winter are still prevalent. Oddly enough, I received a message from the Eastlands specifically from Casaan. I cannot remember the last time any of the warlords have sent me a message -- I was usually the one who initiated activity between the both of us. To keep the contents of the letter short, they request me as an audience in three weeks. For what reason, he did not specify but I hope Heaven will finally let me have my way. However great this may be I must still keep my guard in case they decide to pull something from their sleeves. The next course of action is figuring who I should take on this trip that would best fit me and the situation I will be in. With only a handful of personnel to choose from I cannot be too picky.

 Kongming is, has always been, and will always be my go-to option in times like this but I need him here to watch over the province and rule on my behalf when I'm away. Aside from me, the people also look to Kongming as a leader and if I bring him along anxiety might settle into their hearts.