My Love For Grace

Chapter 1.

Hold on Gracie, just breathe you can do this. Now is not the time for this. 

I knew coming here that the first day of internship will be horrid.  I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not here for the memories. For the last couple of months- since I started my Junior Year of College at McDaniel I've felt numb, numb to the iciness of the . I think I'm changing, I don't feel like getting up for my day, I don't feel like moving, I ha degree winters, numb to needing stiches becaue Irdly eat anymore. I never went to the gym before, but now I can't seem to get away. I feel like my whole life is missing, I don't feel like the Grace I was last year.

I know whats changed, what changed me into becoming what I hated, what I despised.

He's missing.

I came to college when I was 18, in a fantastic relationship, we'd gotten through so much together in the years. At this point everything was going fantastic, to our very classy and old fashioned parents we were to marry eventually. I probably would have had to postpone my dreams -of course- to have children by now, in wedlock.

That wasn't the case- for him.

He needed a break. He wasn't cut out for the expensive private College, receiving a prestigious education, and having the typical rich lifestyle, being overly spoiled. Getting himself into any club because he had the best skills to sweet talk every and any person ever. He was the best looking man I have ever laid my eyed upon, Jess was 6 feet some odd inches tall, he worked out every day, and it showed. He had the abs of Channing Tatum, and I wanted to lick them every time I touched them. Jess, he was the one and only love I think I'll ever have.

When we were 17, we had sex like any other teenage couple in heat, we pounced on each other daily. When I found out that I was pregnant, out world changed. We suddenly were a bit scared. More than that however Jess and I both were so excited to bring a child into the world. With how much we knew that we loved one another, we knew it would last. We could be a real family. There was much talk about marriage, and telling our parents. After 5 months, of secret doctors appointments and a loss of the baby, Jess and I were relieved we didn't have a chance to tell our parents. I was broken, I wanted that baby. I wanted my chance.

I wanted so badly to feel my baby growing and moving inside of me. I wanted those sleepless nights. I wanted to wait four more months and hold my precious little one. I wanted to know a love that even Jess couldn't teach me. I wanted motherhood, and suddenly it was like I wasn't enough. God did not want me to be a mom, not now and it certainly felt like not ever.

Don't get me wrong, you're never cut out for the rich lifestyle-I'm adventurous, I enjoy thrill. Where is thrill in being rich and having everything at your fingertips? The thrill is exactly that, disobeying your parents, acting out a tad bit at social gatherings, and best of all, still going to a prestigious Private College that both of your parents went to and going with the man you were to marry.

No, I don't know where Jess is now, our togetherness is also in question. Over the summer break, he just left. To where, is also a question. Jess undeniably is the love of my life. I remember how I used to melt when he'd touch me even before we really started dating, the way that he looked at me someday's would drive me crazy. It was obvious by how he looked at me, that he loved me too. Those beautiful dark hazel eyes, staring at me making my skin crawl. Jess had this demeanor about himself, a special way he would hang himself with pride and dignity.

I needed everything about him, and I still do.

Jess is a topic of the past unfortunately. "Grace Lynne?" The receptionists asked me as I entered the building of Lynch Law Firm-no I am not becoming a Lawyer, I decided last week to get my paralegal degree. And at the end of this semester I will have my Paralegal degree.