Grace Lynne is a 21 year old typical rich girl. After being left from her longterm the boyfriend, Grace sets out on her own adventure. In the middle of her Junior Year, Grace stops preparing for her LSAT Exam to get into a good Law School, and chang...
My first week was boring, I learned how to take Jr's coffee order, his secretary Ana's order, and on my way out the door I asked Maurice what her order was trying to stay sane by having some 'friends' here at this crazy busy place.
Today is finally my first Saturday off from anything in awhile, which makes me glad I'm not actually a para yet, because of their mandatory OT. Today Scarlett and I are going shopping in DC.
"You have got to catch me up, how sexy is Austin?" Scarlett pretty much screamed at me the second she opened my apartment door seeing me on my couch.
"Scar, Austin is like 60" I sarcastically smiled, she did say Austin which one? I knew she was talking about Jr, but I did't want to talk about him. I stood up signaling the end of this conversation.
"Changing your world, is driving you crazy. You're so not funny Gracie." Scarlett scoffed at me walking to my fridge. "got anything to eat?" She asked opening my fridge to see the empty fridge. "I'm so hungry." She cried.
"We'll go out, my parents treat." I smiled waving my purse signaling that I have already planned this. Lately I haven't been eating, and I don't want to eat. I just want Jess back, he told me he was leaving and left me a note that he still loves me, but I didn't want anyone to know, to know that I saw this change in him long time ago. I miss Jess, I miss his personality, I want him back.
"I love Mr. and Mrs. Lynne." Scar smiled and out we went to DC for the day, which I needed I needed a chance to forget even for an hour.
"Grace, you okay?" Scarlett looks at me with deep concern in her eyes, its nice to be important in her life, its nice to be cared about.
"Why did he leave?" I ask rummaging through my clothes in the dressing room, I used to be a size 6 now I'm lucky if I am a size 4, and all of my clothes are too big for me, but I hardly care or notice. I was trying on a very pretty Maroon button down top and a pretty skirt, that I could wear for my internship. I like it, Maroon is very pretty on me, I think I found one I like.
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"Grace, I'm sorry that he just left, I'm sorry it's hurting you." Scar said worrying about me of course because I'm emotionally unstable. "Keep that." She said pointing to my outfit. "We'll get you shoes and a purse to match."
"And a laptop bag." I smiled.
"Did you get a laptop?"
"I forgot to ask." I smiled laughing, I still need a matching laptop bag, hell I'll bring in my own Laptop so I can be on Facebook, and text on my laptop. I really just need a break from all things. I need to stop thinking about Jess, move on and try to be something better. I thought interning would be a good distraction, but Jounior knowing Jess and asking about him isn't helping. Junior being very attractive and sometimes making me feel something I'm not ready to feel, is certainly not a distraction. "I need something to help me feel. I cant feel anything, I haven't been eating, or doing anything."
"You need to go back to doing things, join a club for paralegal studies, take up acting. This is your last semester and I think you should enjoy it. I know your hurt, but we need to get you healthy, and happy. You need to have a fridge filled with healthy choices of food, Grace. After we buy these, we're going to the Supermarket."
"Not in DC." I laughed. DC shopping was enough, and hell we only do it for some retail therapy.
When Scar and I left I had bought 10 outfits for my internship and four for me whenever I go out, for casual use and one beautiful black slim night out dress/date dress that I just needed so that it'd help me feel better about the overall quality of my life.
LATER
Shopping took hours, I hate when we buy everything we think we need because we spend hours at the shopping plaza, although I have a trust fund...I always feel like my pockets get empty too quickly. I headed into my bedroom to go put my new clothes away after Scar and I put away the Groceries. My room is my favorite room in this apartment, its just a one bedroom Bachelor's pad, but I've added grey and pink to everything. My bed is pink fuzzy everything white cotton sheets, which make sleeping easier, i have a grey small love seat at the bottom of my king-sized bed, what can I say, I'm a girl I take up the whole bed. My desk was handmade with birch wood. The special wood makes the desk look white, and it goes with the rest of the room. I decided to sit at my desk chair, I haven't done this in quite a few months. I didn't put his letter away after the time I last read it. Remembering only bits of what he said. My heart started beating as fast as if i were running a marathon. It'd been days since I touched this letter with his sweet handwritten words.- To say I've been a wreck about how things are going, is such a lie. I look like a racoon almost everyday unless when I go to my internship.
Jess my heart yearns for you to come take my pain away and just hold me, be here for me Jess. I need you.
I opened the letter tears falling from my face, and I read it one last time. It's time for me to let him go, Its now February, I've been this way for slightly 8 months.
"Grace, you're my best friend, you've changed my world so much. I don't know how to live my life without you but its my time to try. I can't be here anymore and I can't ask you to leave. I have no idea why I want to leave so badly, I just need something else." -
I'm not enough
"Gracie, I love you. Ive loved you since you stumbled into my life. Our parents planned for us. They planned out wedding, our kids, and our retirement. G, we're not even 21 yet, how can I hop off and marry you eithout actually seeing what I can do with my life. Without seeing my true worth; not just how other people deem my worth. Maybe thats what broke me-what ruined me. My parent's will to control me, you, and well- everything has gotten out of control... I need this time to figure out what is best for me. Do I think your best for me Gracie? Do I want to be son of any Branham? I have so many demons G, how do I fix them all? How can I figure out how to stop hiding from everything? I know this doesnt help at all, but it pains me that we lost bean, Gracie it physically makes my heart and soul break again anytime I see a family extremely happy with a baby. Holding a baby, laughing with that baby. I saw a blonde chick with a baby and I thought of you, I thought how wonderful you were when you lost Bean, our baby bean.
I would have loved to have a family with you by now. Holding our baby as tight as you held me when I've had a bad day. I wish I could be there for you on your bad days, but I can't be. You will have better days without me and you deserve so much better than I could even fathom giving you. I love you, and I hope that you'll still love me forevermore. I can't ever say that I do not love you Grace Ivette Lynne. Don't forget me, my darling I'll never be able to forget you. -Jess
I can't believe myself, laying in bed on a Saturday crying, thinking about what I can't have and maybe what I never had to begin with. How was leaving me, breaking me, and forgetting about me enough? I just don't understand how he could be okay with causing this much pain. With being this rude to me, writing me a fricken note thinking that a note is enough. That Jess didn't have to talk to me face to face, he could get away with talking to me whenever, and avoiding saying "goodbye."
I can't do this anymore. I can't let myself give into this pain like this. As I cry I slowly begin to forget why I'm crying and fall into a deep sleep, forgetting the pain, for just hours is enough right now. It's exactly what I need.
