Just Ales

Chapter 5 (Just Ales)

When I woke up, weak sunlight was filtering through the blinds in Jer's office. I stretched, my muscles feeling sore and cramped from spending the night in a chair. Jer was nowhere to be seen, so I rubbed my eyes, and stood up, the blood rushing to my head. In doing so, I dislodged a blanket that Jer must have placed over me after I'd fallen asleep. I smiled sleepily and folded the blanket, leaving it on the chair. After glancing around the office, I headed out the door and to the rider's lounge. 

Although the pain-inducing scent of hay and horses hit my nose, I couldn't smell anything. I experimentally sniffed, and found my nose all stuffed up. I must be catching a cold. I shrugged, grateful to be relieved of this for now. 

In the lounge, I stirred together instant coffee. Although I loved the smell of coffee, I hated the taste and I shunned the familiar packets of Swiss Miss Milk Chocolate. I hadn't had a cup of my favorite drink since I'd left. Every year, every day during a cold season, I'd averaged around three mugs of hot chocolate. Swiss Miss had warmed my stomach when I'd been doing stable chores, or endlessly practicing with Hermes. I had worked desperately hard to keep Hermes- I hadn't wanted to have to sell him. I'd worked in the stable for Jer in exchange for his board, and Jer had helped me out as much as he could. It had worked, and now I was back without Hermes. The thought made me choke down my tears, determined not to cry. I straightened my shoulders and tossed my head back. It was a familiar, well-practiced movement that I used to instill confidence in myself- or at least fake it. In the past, the blonde strands of my hair would have caught the sunlight, and everyone would have stopped and stared. Now, the dull brown color simply swished through the air, and I felt empty inside.

I held my coffee in both hands, and wandered down the wide stable aisle. I came to a split path, and refused to look down the left way, although my feet felt set to turn left. Instead, I turned right, and walked out into the bleak sunlight, blinking. The cloudy skies overhead looked like they had dapples, so I trained my gaze on the ground. I looked up again when I heard hoofbeats in one of the main rings, and I headed over to check it out, against my better judgement. But I fought off my consciense, thinking that just because I had given up my sport didn't mean I couldn't watch others participating. I walked up to the ring, and saw Jack sitting quietly on a gorgeous chestnut Westphalian. I leaned my arms over the brown rails and sipped my coffee, grimacing at the taste. 

Jack put  the horse through some basic moves, and I noted how perfect his seat was. The chestnut's flashy white socks called attention to his graceful movements as Jack leg-yielded across the arena. Jack signaled the Westpahlian for a canter, and I envied the smooth flowing canter. However, when Jack turned at K and shifted his seat for a flying change, I frowned. Jack's seat was slightly off-kilter, but his horse was well trained enough to cover for his mistake. None but the most experienced would have been able to pick up on it, but I caught the slight cues. 

I opened my mouth to call out to him, to tell him to adjust his seat, but then I froze. Would revealing that knowledge give me away? Best not to risk it. 

When Jack noticed me, and rode over to the fence, I merely stroked his horse, and commented on how pretty he was. Better safe than sorry. 

***

That night, as I snuck into the guesthouse, I saw a dark figure sitting in one of the chairs surrounding the small kitchen table. I bit back a scream as the figure swept me up into a bear hug. Fumbling for the light switch, I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that familiar bright blonde hair. Cay. 

I slumped into one of the chairs after Cay released me, and felt my breath catch in my throat. We just looked at eachother, across the table, for a while. Cay had grown a lot since I'd been away, but her wide blue eyes were the same, and her platinum blonde hair. When we were younger, kids used to ask me if she was albino. Since I hadn't known what the term meant, I somehow thought that it had something to do with rhinoceros’s, and replied with a stern 'No'.

Her skin was still the color of porcelain, and the slight freckles across her face hadn't changed. "Ales," she said, her voice shaking, "what have you done to your hair?"

At that, I managed a small laugh, feeling it crease my face.  "I dyed it," 

"Yeah, well I figured it out. Why?" 

My face fell at the question, and I could feel tears threatening to make their suicide plunge down my face. Cay noticed my expression, and swiftly said, "Of course, all that matters is that you're back. I'm so glad Ales. Am I the only one that knows?" 

"I told Jer," I wiped my eyes, and faced the window. "But that's it. I only got here two days ago."

"Well, good thing that I checked tonight. I normally check this house around once a week to see if you've come. A bunch of stuff was rearranged when I looked in here half an hour ago, so I decided to wait and see who it was." Cay explained, still grinning from ear to ear. 

"You're lucky it was me, and not some serial killer!" I teased her. Then my face turned more serious. "Have you told anyone that I'm back?"

"No," Cay said. "I only just got here, but I wouldn't have anyway." She laughed bitterly. "Besides, if you're asking about our parents, I don't see them enough to tell them anything of importance."

"Ah," I said, all of my questions answered. At that moment, Cay's phone buzzed. She made a face as she read the text.

"They want me to come up for family dinner. Are you going to be okay?" 

"Yeh," I mumbled. "Don't tell them about me please?"

"I won't," Cay reassured me. "I'm assuming you've been at the barn all day, talking with Jer and everything."

"Yes. It was good to see him again." 

"Ales? Something happened, didn't it? I can't tell what it is yet but.... I've been keeping tabs on you. Not stalking you or anything, but watching the news. Mom and Dad blocked HorseTV and tons of sport and news channels after you left, so I had to watch what I could on my laptop. At first, there was all of the usual stuff. You know, HD video footage of your wins, everyone hyped up for your European tour. And then, nothing." Her eyes widened. "There were some news anchors wondering where you'd disappeared to, but nothing really big. Next thing I know, you're here." 

I closed and opened my mouth like a fish, but her phone buzzed again. Folding her into a last hug, I whispered, "I'll tell you later." Cay nodded, and headed out the door. 

I sat at the table, thinking. If Cay had been keeping track of me so closely, then the news must not have broken yet about Hermes. I was part grateful and part confused about that. It would have been prime news coverage, but it seemed nobody had heard about it yet. I dug through my memory, trying to find something that might explain it. I hadn't given any interviews since his death...hadn't talked to anybody really. I forced my recollection back to the day of the actual accident, clouding around the actual accident part. After....there HAD been a camera crew and newslady trying to get close to me. The haze of pain around those events made it difficult to remember, but I had seen one of the judges slide a cover over the camera. The same judge that had allowed me to lay my helmet on the flag in a tribute to my horse. The judge had exchanged a few words with the newslady before she and the camera crew made a hasty exit. 

I was in debt to this judge. She had allowed me a few months of privacy to heal. I sent a "thank you" out there in the universe, imagining it travelling through the universe before winging into the judges' ear.