Just Ales

Chapter 7 (Just Ales)

Jack found me in the tack room, resolutely soaping saddles, and rinsing them with my tears. 

"Hey, hey, hey, why are you crying?" He asked softly, coming up to me and thumbing away my tears. I hiccuped. 

"Allergies," I sniffled, and then pretended to sneeze. Jack raised his eyebrow, and made it clear that he did not believe one word I had uttered, but then just shook his head. 

"I'm actually here to tell you that Jer wants you in his office. And apparently he doesn't know about your...'allergies'....so you should probably clean yourself up." Jack still looked concerned, but I didn't care. My heart felt heavy and sad, and my whole body felt tired. I nodded numbly, and then wiped at my eyes with my sleeves. Jer was practically my father, he had seen me look much worse. 

Hiccuping again, I trudged down the aisle feeling miserable and depressed. I should feel miserable and depressed, because I killed Hermes. I deserved the way I felt now, because he couldn't feel anything anymore. 

A few students stared at me curiously, but quickly looked away as I made my way down to Jer's office. My grief and pain was so raw and real it was hard for them to look at it, so they simply turned their heads and continued with their lives. I felt like screaming. Didn't they know Hermes was dead?

I didn't bother knocking on Jer's door, I just swung it open, and curled up in the chair opposite his desk. Jer sighed when he saw the state I was in, but didn't comment. Instead, he chose to ignore it, and started talking at my limp form. 

"I got a call today, Ales," he said, and glanced down at his clipboard. "From the judge who stopped the filming at the Huntington Trials. Apparently I'm listed on your show registration as family?" 

I nodded, not seeing where this conversation was going, but just wanting to get it over with. Jer looked touched for a minute before continuing. 

"Because she couldn't contact you, she called me instead. Her name is Aileen, and she is a fantastic judge, and a caring person. It's because of her that you've been able to have a few months of peace." 

I just listened; I already knew all of this, so why was Jer repeating this information?

"Aileen just wanted to let you know that the footage of the Huntington Trials is going to be released to the public. There's nothing anyone can do about it. They aren't going to see your accident, because the cameras didn't follow you into the woods, but they caught almost everything else. I'm sorry Ales, but it looks like the world really wanted to know what happened to their superstar. And now they're going to find out."

I let out a strangled gasp of pain. The last moments of my horse's life were going to be seen by people that I didn't know? That had never met Hermes? People who didn't know that on that day, I'd realized that I had nothing more to lose? Those tapes, that footage, it was all personal for me. I felt strangely possesive over them; I didn't want anyone else to see him. Tears starting to well in my eyes, but I refused to open the flood gates. My eyes burned from all the weeping I'd been doing recently, but I believed the stinging was just more of my punishment. 

Jer stood up sharply. "And that's another thing, Ales! You can't just mope around here all day, doing nothing! Jack came in briefly, and informed me of the Pony Club fiasco (which of course I understand) but this just goes to show! It's been three months, Ales. You need to move on." 

I started crying in earnest. I didn't want to hear this, I refused to hear this, but my ears remained wide open. 

"You need to have something in your life, something to focus on, something to distract you. I've decided to take you on as a full-time employee here, but just because you're..." Jer paused, and then continued, "anyway, I will expect the same out of you as I do out of any other of my employees. You WILL conduct yourself in a professional and productive manner at all times." Jer slammed his hand down on his desk, and I startled away from the sound, tears slipping down my cheeks. In my rational mind, I knew where Jer was coming from, and I agreed with him. But I was so distraught and emotionally wrecked that I stayed curled in the chair for a few more minutes. Finally my tears slowed, and I swiped the rest away with my grimy sweatshirt sleeve before standing up. My knees felt like jelly, but I didn't wobble. Alessandra Heartwood never showed weakness, and this wasn't about to change. 

"Fine," I said, my voice strong and steady despite the stray tears leaking down my face. "But I will never move on." 

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Well, what do you guys think? I felt like she needed that "time to move on" talk as well, so I snuck that in there. But she just HAD to be dramatic, didn't she? Lol I should get control of my characters ;) !

as always,

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have a lovely day/night my ghostie readers!