Just Ales

Chapter 6 (Just Ales)

After Cay had left me, I waited a couple of minutes before sneaking up to the house. My thought process as I walked along the faint dirt path was blurry and I really had no idea what I was doing. My conscience hammered at me to stop walking, but my feet continued trudging along. My emotions had been so typical of a rollercoaster lately that I just wanted to seek out what was familiar, in hopes that that would comfort me in some way, shape, or form. I told myself that I was just going to check and see if everything looked the same, that in the two years I'd been the missing piece of this family, they'd missed me. 

I crept up to the big bay windows on the west side of the mansion that had a clear view into the dining room. My parents were very formal, and insisted on family supper in the casual dining room (the formal dining room was for when we entertained guests) in order to pretend we had a normal, happy family life. Peering into the windows, I caught the dark silhouettes of my parents; they were so far away I couldn't really make out their faces. They were at the head and the foot of the table, in their respective places, and my brother was seated to my father's right. He had his familiar sneering smirk firmly in position on his face, and he scarfed down his steak like a well-mannered dog. To my father's left was Cay, her almost-white hair forming what looked to me like a halo around her face. 

My chair had been removed from the table, so now they looked like a perfectly balanced little family of four. My place at the table was gone, and to an outsider, it was like I had never existed. 

They must have given up hope that I would come back. They didn't want you to, my conscience said. I felt a labored breath heave in my throat, bringing with it the promise of tears. I knew coming back here was a bad idea. I told you so, my inner self taunted. I let that thought dominate me as I made my way back to the guesthouse, letting the tears leak down my face. Normally in times like this, I would have biked my way to Foxglove, and let my tears blend into Hermes' gray coat while he stood quietly. Now, I had no one. I didn't even know where my bike was. Probably in a dumpster. That thought turned on a fresh wave of tears, and all I could do was slump against a wall with my knees tucked to my chest and cry it out. 

The tears came in long heaving sobs, and soon I was too tired to open my swollen eyes. I didn't bother with brushing my teeth; I just climbed into bed and waited for reassuring darkness. 

***

I stood in front of Jer, jamming my hands into my pockets. My red-rimmed eyes were drawn to the ground like it was a magnet, and I was made of metal. 

"What do you want me to do today?" I asked Jer, not looking up. I felt him assessing my mental state, but I kept my eyes trained on the dirt. Today I wanted some hard manual labor to take my mind off things- mucking stalls was right up my alley right now. I was still really torn up over last night, and I just wanted a distraction. 

"I think you should assist Jack and Karina with the Pony Club today. Those kids might cheer you up." Jack said. What?! The last thing I wanted to do was be around other people. Argh, oh well. 

"Karina?" I said, a faint question in my tone. 

"I hired her recently to help because we've had so many new riders lately....because of you," Jer added. "But she mostly helps with the younger kids." 

I lifted one shoulder up, and turned. I was in no mood for getting into an argument just because I wanted to be picky and not work with some little kids right now. But I just nodded, and walked in the direction of the lounge. I could feel Jer's gaze burning into my back, but I didn't turn around. I had no desire to talk to anyone at the moment. 

I opened the door to the lounge, and was met with the curious stares of about fifty kids, raning in age from eight to eighteen. Close to my age. Although, I'd told Jack that Mollie Andrews was twenty-two.  I gasped, and fought the urge to turn and run. I was rather shy when I wasn't hiding under the grand title of Alessandra Heartwood, and I hated situations like this. 

Jack met my frantic gaze, and smiled, his dimples creasing his face. I saw more than one teenage girl staring at him with open love on their faces, but he took no notice. Jack strode toward me, and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "I haven't really talked to you since I left you in Jer's office. I was feeling kind of bad because I was harsh towards you, but I want to be a really good manager. I take it you got the job?" 

I frowned slightly. Jer and I never had discussed that, but I knew I would be spending the majority of my time here now that I didn't have a life. "Er...yes, I did get it. But Jer sent me to help you and Karina with Pony Club today."

That made Jack's smile widen, and he gently grabbed my elbow and brought me to the front of the group. "Pony Clubber's, this is Mollie Andrews. She's going to be helping us today, so let's make her feel welcome!" 

I had to force myself not to roll my eyes, and gave a little wave and a smile instead. How cheesy was that speech? On a scale from one to ten, that was a solid nine point five. I could feel the heated stares of a few guys checking me out- I hadn't lost my toned figure from riding, but I ignored them. Jack introduced me to Karina, a vivacious ginger who seemed really nice, and then they split the group according to experience. I stayed in the lounge with Jack and the more experienced riders whileKarina took the others down to the barn. 

"Alright," Jack started, moving back to the front of the room, in front of a flat screen TV. "Since our last meeting was a mounted one, I figured we could do something educational today. And because a show is approaching soon- three weeks, guys, three weeks!- I think we should watch some show tapes. And you know what that means!"

I leaned against a table in the back, bemused by his speech. A group of guys crowded onto the sofa in front of me suddenly broke out in catcalls and whistles. One called out in a deep voice, "Alessandra! Yeah dog!" 

I clenched the side of the table. Hard. Jack started playing an old DVD, and I relaxed a little, seeing that it wasn't the Huntingon Trials. He came to stand next to me, grinning slightly. "They love her. The girls all want to be her, and the guys think she's hot- AND she's a great rider. If she ever ended up coming back here, I'm telling you, they'd be all over her."

I froze, and then remembered the dye and the contacts. Right. I was Mollie, not Alessandra. I curved my lips into a smile aimed at Jack. "At least they're learning while watching." Jack nodded, his attention focused on the TV. 

I sighed, and slowly turned to look. The camera had panned a gorgeous view of the showgrounds, and was now zooming in on girl with sun-colored hair captured in a hair net on a beautiful gray horse. Girl and horse danced their way to X- even their walk was a dance. I remembered how hard dressage had been for me when I was younger, before I could truly appreciate the discipline. The room was silent, although I was positive that the kids had seen it before. I watched while on screen I dropped a gloved hand in salute to the judges, and started my dressage test. 

"Watch her seat during the working trot!" Jack called out, startling me. I had been gazing, spellbound, at my former self. As Hermes started moving with the grace and presiscion of a ballerina, I looked away. I couldn't watch, although I knew this test by heart. This had been shot at one of my more recent events, and I knew what was to come. I would sweep the event, claiming first in each category, and then sit down to an interview. I didn't want to- I just couldn't watch this. 

I bolted. 

As I flew out the door, I glanced back, and caught my reflection in one of the windows. I looked like a deer in headlights- trapped, with nowhere else to turn. I was a stranger to myself as I stared at my face. Sure, the hair and eye color were drastically different, but something much more important was missing. 

My everlasting confidence had vanished. 

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Sorry if this is bad y'all, I'm up late forcing myself to finish, but I hope you liked it. #74 on Teen Fiction, thank you so much!